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Womens Issues:Mayka problems
2007-07-30
Name: Indira



Hi,
I know this seems strange to many in here but i have no idea how to handle this problem.
First, a bit of background :My parents are well off & my brother is settled in USA. Myself & my family are also in the US right now. I am not working right now.
The problem is that my brother(s/w eng) asks my parents( ex- govt employees) to pay his bills in India(for mutual funds etc). Already he has squeezed a lot of money from them when he was in India that is for his car loan payment, bike, computer, gas ,restaurants,etc etc. Its been 31/2 years since he started working & he is here in US since 1 yr. Now, he is getting married & he doesn' t want to spend his money. He is saying that he is not being paid by his employer which we all know is not true. Now, my father is ready to take his retirement (fd) money from the bank & my mom was crying over the phone when i spoke to her today. I know that it is none of my business to interfere in their financial matters but its my dad' s hard earned money which he saved for his future health probs. I wish I worked & helped them but I can' t for 2 more years
Saheli, pls help me out here., How do I or my mom or dad handle this problem?
looking forward to hear from u or anyone else..
thanks
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2007-08-01
#1
Anonymous Name: Sanjana
Subject:  I got one like that



I also got one useless brother like you.He is all after my fathers money.Neither he took care of my mom nor my dad.You better talk to your dady about this with presence of your mom.Make him understand about the situation, he might be flowing with son' s love, i hope he will not be completely drowned before he opens his eyes.
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2007-07-31
#2
Anonymous Name: Ritika
Subject:  Re:



Hi Indira,

I know you asked this of Saheli, but I couldn' t help replying.

Your father might be in denial about his son. But can you talk to your brother? Ask him why is he getting married when he is not getting paid (according to his own theory)?

Does he know that your dad is taking out his entire retirement money just to pay for his marriage etc?

Does he know how upset your mom is about this? Have you spoken to your brother about this? What was his reaction?
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2007-07-31
#3
Anonymous Name: Ritika
Subject:  Re:



Hi Indira,

I´ m still trying to understand the situation here...am at a loss actually...are you saying your brother is getting married and he does not want his own family present at the wedding?

Why is he working at his employer´ s place if they are not paying him?

Has your mom no say in what your dad does with their money?

Does your dad know how your brother treats his mom (his wife)? Like banging the phone down and not talking for weeks? (Personally, he seems quite spoilt...but then again, I´ m basing this on just a few sentences...and might be wrong).

About talking to him...why not? If nothing else has worked...and you say that you are quite close to him...just note down all the points that you would like to tell him/ or ask him. Think about his responses and what you would like to discuss with him.

Give him a call..or if he is nearby, go and visit him and then talk to him (visiting i sbetter because then he will not be able to bang the phone down when he hears anything unpleasant)...

Some general pointers I can think of...
Ask him why is he behaving like this and giving your mom so much heartache? If he thinks he is old enough to get married, he should be old enough to earn for himself and his wife. How is he planning to take care of his household after marriage if he doesn´ t earn anything?







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2007-07-31
#4
Anonymous Name: Indira
Subject:  hi Ritika



Hi there,
Thanks for replying.
My brother says that he doesn´ t want to get married in front of us & he is all goody- goody with my sil. I know this because he used my online calling card to call her 5- 6 times a day everyday. The marriage date is already fixed & he knows that it cannot be postponed since my family doesn´ t want that. He even gave tons of money(my dad´ s ofcourse) to her when he was in India which we came to know through his friend. We are really close & I don´ t talk abt his financial matters with him. My dad is least bothered abt all this. Its only my mom who is worried about their future here. When my mom tries to talk to him abt this , he just bangs the phone down & doesn´ t talk to her for weeks. Is it ok if I talk to him?
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