Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi,

I am a working female and earning an ok salary. My husband is also getting a handsome salary. My problem is that my FIL is too much interfering as far as money management is concerned. We don’t stay with my in-laws coz both of us work in a different city. My FIL keeps a track of all our earnings.Since I have got married he keeps pushing my husband to ask me for getting all my correspondence addresses changed in passport , pan card ,banks accounts and wherever I have made my investments. He is the one who files our tax returns too. All my bank statements go to their address. If I make any investment, he would comment lateron abt the decision I made and express his feelings that I shud have made my investments after taking his advice n he wud have advised a better way. He keeps a chk on my husband’s salary n investments too. We simply cannot make any financial decision on our own which really upsets me.He insisted me on getting my name changd in Pan card, passport and office too which I didn’t mind much but I don’t like his interference in money management.

My husband takes his advice b4 making any financial decision and he simply doesn’t approve it unless that investment has to be made in their city.

I am from a middle class family and my parents had spent all their savings in my and my sis family. They gave us very good education and we both are financially independent. Now, I sometimes like to help my parents financially. But I can’t send cheques in my mom’s name. I even can’t do online transfers because all the statements are seen by my FIL. I am soo upset. Even after earning a good salary I just can’t help my parents 
Ritika replied. Hi Sanya,

I agree, your FIL is too interfering.

I would start taking control of it little by little.

First of all the tax returns. Start filling those out yourself.

If your FIl says something - just say that \" papa, we need to learn how to do it. If we don' t learn now, then we' ll never learn.\"

Also stop all paper bank statements if possible. Ask yr bank to issue only e-statements (if that is possible). If that is not possible then get the address changed on yr bank statements.

Since he is so controlling, he might throw a fit. But just ignore that. He needs to learn to step back a bit. He is going to be very unhappy about all this. So be prepared and tell your husband also that he shouldn' t give in to emotional blackmail. Otherwise the two of you will never learn how to do yr financials.

Tell yr hubby that we' ll take all possible advise from FIL, but let' s use our own judgement also. If we don' t do it ourself, then we will never learn etc etc.

You need to use a lot of tact here while convincing yr hubby, otherwise he might take it the wrong way. But just keep saying that \" why bother FIL in his old age so much. We need to start learning to do it also\" etc.

And as Chameli said, there is no need for you to hide what you do with yr money. You can go ahead and help yr parents out.

One last thing - some people are controlling in nature (like yr FIL). But they can only get their wish, if you let them. If you are brave and resist their efforts, then there is nothing much they can do...specially since you guys are staying in a diff city.

Take care and all the best! Chameli replied. Hi Sanya,

This is a bit irritating.Thank God that ur FIL is not taking ur husbands salary. My FIL & hubby are having joint accounts and FIL takes 25% of DH' s salary.Bad rt?

You can' t stop this in a day or so.You should make it slowly.Tell your husband whenever you get chance to about learning to handle money.Choose ur words before you say.Never show that you don' t like ur FIL taking hold of things.Instead insist on hubby learning to tackle money.Talk about this once and give it a good gap before opening this topic again.Make ur message short and clear.Try.Lets C.



You can do online transfers to your mother.Let your FIL see.He' s not giving you the money.You are earning it.You have the duty to do for your parents.