Womens Issues:My il have trouble accepting what happend
2003-10-24
Name: Gemini25
HI I have had a major problem with my hubbys relatives. We lived with them for over a year. During this time I became very depreesed because of the harrassment. I basically lost it. I walked away forgot who I was. Fortunately, an older Doctor and his wife helped me. They called an ambulance and I was taken to Hospital. Where I stayed for a week. Unfortunately this illness lasted two years. My son was in India living with my mil. HE was one when he was sent there by my hubby. He returned when he was 4. But my mil always made him call her mommy and me by my name. She also blamed me for my illness. We were staying with her brother. My hubby is very influenced by his mother and her family. So he would not take my concerns seriously. Anyways, now it is the fourth year that we have moved from there, but now his parents are with us. Mil and I have had 2 big fights. Mostly over my son. She keeps answering when ever he calls for mommy (me). So my son says to her now your not my mom your my grand ma. Because of my illness her entire family made fun of me and called me crazy and kamaly. I am not either, I had depression. But they still talk about me like that. So, now mil says oh this is pagal or that person is crazy. I had told her that I feel uncomfortable when people say that. She still continues to do so. I told my hubby this but he says it is in my head. I know I have a good job in the health field where I am fully responsible for my patients. I work full time, raise my son and still manage a well maintained relationship with my hubby. Now what happens is both mil and fil go to there room when I come home or wake up on my days off. I find this annoying. They make me feel like an outcast. When hubby is home they act like nothing is wrong. I have nothing to talk to them about because I was born in Canada and I know very little about my roots. I know how to cook indian food and understand the language, but being an indian is hard for me. The girls in there family like to flirt and bounce around. They are pretty much very social girls even the ohter girls who have married in the family. I am the only canadian who prefers to read or draw some art. But I find it unfortunate that I am being made fun of because of an illness. That is like making fun of someone who has cancer or has lost a limb. Should I continue to allow them to ignore me and play off my hubby?
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HI I have had a major problem with my hubbys relatives. We lived with them for over a year. During this time I became very depreesed because of the harrassment. I basically lost it. I walked away forgot who I was. Fortunately, an older Doctor and his wife helped me. They called an ambulance and I was taken to Hospital. Where I stayed for a week. Unfortunately this illness lasted two years. My son was in India living with my mil. HE was one when he was sent there by my hubby. He returned when he was 4. But my mil always made him call her mommy and me by my name. She also blamed me for my illness. We were staying with her brother. My hubby is very influenced by his mother and her family. So he would not take my concerns seriously. Anyways, now it is the fourth year that we have moved from there, but now his parents are with us. Mil and I have had 2 big fights. Mostly over my son. She keeps answering when ever he calls for mommy (me). So my son says to her now your not my mom your my grand ma. Because of my illness her entire family made fun of me and called me crazy and kamaly. I am not either, I had depression. But they still talk about me like that. So, now mil says oh this is pagal or that person is crazy. I had told her that I feel uncomfortable when people say that. She still continues to do so. I told my hubby this but he says it is in my head. I know I have a good job in the health field where I am fully responsible for my patients. I work full time, raise my son and still manage a well maintained relationship with my hubby. Now what happens is both mil and fil go to there room when I come home or wake up on my days off. I find this annoying. They make me feel like an outcast. When hubby is home they act like nothing is wrong. I have nothing to talk to them about because I was born in Canada and I know very little about my roots. I know how to cook indian food and understand the language, but being an indian is hard for me. The girls in there family like to flirt and bounce around. They are pretty much very social girls even the ohter girls who have married in the family. I am the only canadian who prefers to read or draw some art. But I find it unfortunate that I am being made fun of because of an illness. That is like making fun of someone who has cancer or has lost a limb. Should I continue to allow them to ignore me and play off my hubby?
Cancerian replied. Best solution to this problem is avoid staying around at home on days you are off, take your kid also with you and go out and enjoy. This way you will only have to worry about her in the evening for few hours which I suppose you are managing on daily basis.
Redwhiteblue replied. Dear Gemini25,
I first want to reiterate to you like others have said. \";ignore your MIL\";.
Okay, with that being said,
I wanted to let you know that I have almost experienced the same issue. I have suffered from major depression and I found myself in the hospital and I have received couseling and even medications to help level everything, but.
India, like many other countries around the world deal with depression differently than in the US or Canada. Here, we treat depression as any other illness. Depression is very real, very much a part of our lives, unfortunately.
When others tease you, remember they are acting out of ignorance. Many people don't know how to deal with a crisis, so they just act bad to get their emotions out.
You are normal for all its worth. You can function and work, so that should say a lot to those who mess with you.
Try to keep a balance of time for yourself to a maximum, this will give you time to relax, reflect, revive.
About the \";grandma\"; versus \";mom\"; issue, let it go in one ear and out the other; you know who Mommy is...and you make sure to always insist your child call you as such...that's all.
By the way; I was born and raised in the US. I am Indian.
Take care,
Leo Girl
good luck replied. Hi there. sorry to hear about ur trauma. Depression is not greatly recognised by Indians due to lack of exposure, so u should not take to heart when any ignorant people call u names. They are foolish but you know better. I'm glad to know u work full time n that u have ur son back with u now. U should just focus ur mind and heart at looking after ur son and getting his bond with u, which u missed on while he was in India. Once the bond with you is strong, he will not be concerned about ur mil. My mil who lives with me too tries to get my girl to call her mummy, but I keep telling her to keep relations natural. So mils will always try to drift u from ur child, u have to just ignore it. As for them walking out of room when u r there on ur own, their loss. U get ur son to do things with u or plan fun things for urself, watch telly etc. When they will see u r not affected by their behaviour even name calling, they will stop trying to bother u, it is only fun to bother someone when there is a reaction. So u play cool, look after ur self, ur son and ur job and trust me seeing u not complain and having a good time in life, ur husband would want to be a part of ur life, and not miss out on it. So don't bother ur relation with husband by talking ill about mil and fil, it won't do any good. Just ignore and make ur life better with ur son.
Good luck.
xxx replied. Why are you bothered about your ils ignoring you ? You first ignore them since they do not respect you. Give respect and take respect. Since you missed those years of watching your son grow, enjoy it now. You have a job which you are capably handling it. You also have a husband who respects you. Give importance to your son, job and husband. Ignore the rest.
2003-12-03
#1
Name: Cancerian Subject: Check this out
Best solution to this problem is avoid staying around at home on days you are off, take your kid also with you and go out and enjoy. This way you will only have to worry about her in the evening for few hours which I suppose you are managing on daily basis.
2003-11-02
#2
Name: Redwhiteblue Subject: Leo girl
Dear Gemini25,
I first want to reiterate to you like others have said. \";ignore your MIL\";.
Okay, with that being said,
I wanted to let you know that I have almost experienced the same issue. I have suffered from major depression and I found myself in the hospital and I have received couseling and even medications to help level everything, but.
India, like many other countries around the world deal with depression differently than in the US or Canada. Here, we treat depression as any other illness. Depression is very real, very much a part of our lives, unfortunately.
When others tease you, remember they are acting out of ignorance. Many people don't know how to deal with a crisis, so they just act bad to get their emotions out.
You are normal for all its worth. You can function and work, so that should say a lot to those who mess with you.
Try to keep a balance of time for yourself to a maximum, this will give you time to relax, reflect, revive.
About the \";grandma\"; versus \";mom\"; issue, let it go in one ear and out the other; you know who Mommy is...and you make sure to always insist your child call you as such...that's all.
By the way; I was born and raised in the US. I am Indian.
Take care,
Leo Girl
2003-10-28
#3
Name: good luck Subject: Trust yourself
Hi there. sorry to hear about ur trauma. Depression is not greatly recognised by Indians due to lack of exposure, so u should not take to heart when any ignorant people call u names. They are foolish but you know better. I'm glad to know u work full time n that u have ur son back with u now. U should just focus ur mind and heart at looking after ur son and getting his bond with u, which u missed on while he was in India. Once the bond with you is strong, he will not be concerned about ur mil. My mil who lives with me too tries to get my girl to call her mummy, but I keep telling her to keep relations natural. So mils will always try to drift u from ur child, u have to just ignore it. As for them walking out of room when u r there on ur own, their loss. U get ur son to do things with u or plan fun things for urself, watch telly etc. When they will see u r not affected by their behaviour even name calling, they will stop trying to bother u, it is only fun to bother someone when there is a reaction. So u play cool, look after ur self, ur son and ur job and trust me seeing u not complain and having a good time in life, ur husband would want to be a part of ur life, and not miss out on it. So don't bother ur relation with husband by talking ill about mil and fil, it won't do any good. Just ignore and make ur life better with ur son.
Good luck.
2003-10-27
#4
Name: xxx Subject: Ignore your mil
Why are you bothered about your ils ignoring you ? You first ignore them since they do not respect you. Give respect and take respect. Since you missed those years of watching your son grow, enjoy it now. You have a job which you are capably handling it. You also have a husband who respects you. Give importance to your son, job and husband. Ignore the rest.
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