Hi!! i firmly believe in adopting. I have a biological son and i want to adopt a girl even though i can have more children.
Please consider the option of adopting and bring joy to more than one lives.
Please dont take me wrong. Adopting is a very noble deed and it brings real happiness.
ALl u moms without children, please give a life to children without moms.
Sorry to have offended if anybody
Best wishes
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Hi!! i firmly believe in adopting. I have a biological son and i want to adopt a girl even though i can have more children.
Please consider the option of adopting and bring joy to more than one lives.
Please dont take me wrong. Adopting is a very noble deed and it brings real happiness.
ALl u moms without children, please give a life to children without moms.
Sorry to have offended if anybody
Best wishes
amrita replied. beautifuleyes
Wow!!! i am amazed myself that how someone can take certain comments and try to twist words.
Instead of understanding my message, u r just trying to find faults.
My answer was only in context to PAri. I did not mean that only so called' infertile' people shud adopt. I also did not mean to say that other people who are' fertile' wud be stupid to adopt. Becuse then i wud be saying that i am stupid.
i was in the process of adopting when i got pregnant. R u implying that i shud have gone forward and adopted and then aborted the baby i was carrying???
I have already mentioned that i mean to adopt once my son is a little older.
I never said i am noble.its u who r saying it (sarcastically of course) and i never mean to taunt others.
ANyway, doesnt matter to me anyway, what u think, cos i have already said that i dont care abt others opinions.
I only wanted to share what happened to me in the hope that it may give some relief to someone(def not people like u).
Pari, if u r reading this, pls dont take me wrong. my comments were in the best intention possible.
beautifuleyes replied. Amrita,
Wow I am amazed at your nobility. You should get a medal.Imagine a fertile woman who can have more children and who already has a biological child adopting.I know some people might feel thats stupid but not you. BUT you said
\";ASking people to adopt who are having difficulty in conceiving is not a \";stupid\"; thing. Its not like i am asking other people ( people who can conceive easily ) to adopt. \"; HUHHHHH???? implying that WOULD be stupid????
Just wondering, why did you ever ttc??? You could have just got your tubes tied and adopted your 1st child since its SUCH a noble deed and you are sooo noble.PCOS or not should not have changed your decision.
YOU say \";people give the most thoughtless advice and comments at the most unwanted times.
esp.. it gives women pleasure in taunting other women in the form of giving advice\"; YES and you are one of them.
amrita jay replied. Dear Pari
Hey, no need to apologise and all!!!
I was just clarifying my point.
YEs u r very right in saying that people give the most thoughtless advice and comments at the most unwanted times.
esp.. it gives women pleasure in taunting other women in the form of giving advice.
Cheers
Love
AMrita
hopingfortejas replied. let me tell you my beliefs ..
first ..a little bit of my history .. i am a classic case of PCOS , tried for ~2.5 yrs , finally now i am 14 weeks preggo...
the thought of adopting crossed my mind many times during the process of TTC , and i am sure i would have taken that path if nothing had worked out ...
but you know, it is easier said than done, i have had relatives who have undergone the same trauma and i used to always think, why dont they not adopt ... but when i was in the same boat , though i was open to that idea ,it did bring tears to my eyes ...
the fact of bearing a baby, having him/her inside you for 9 months ... knowing that he/she is your own blood is so much prcious for a woman ..
u knwo, i ahve advised to so many of my relatives that not having a baby is not the end of the world .... but when i was in their boots ... i used to feel the end of the world has come every month i got my Af or every month my doc told me that i do not have any mature follicles and the only thing which made me go on was that there is another cycle ...
so to put in a nutshell , it is easier to think /talk abt it , but when you are in that position, that is not an easy decsions ...
i ahve seen people who have adopted after several years of trying and my hats off to them ...
Gals, what is your say??
2006-06-06
#1
Name: amrita Subject: wow
beautifuleyes
Wow!!! i am amazed myself that how someone can take certain comments and try to twist words.
Instead of understanding my message, u r just trying to find faults.
My answer was only in context to PAri. I did not mean that only so called' infertile' people shud adopt. I also did not mean to say that other people who are' fertile' wud be stupid to adopt. Becuse then i wud be saying that i am stupid.
i was in the process of adopting when i got pregnant. R u implying that i shud have gone forward and adopted and then aborted the baby i was carrying???
I have already mentioned that i mean to adopt once my son is a little older.
I never said i am noble.its u who r saying it (sarcastically of course) and i never mean to taunt others.
ANyway, doesnt matter to me anyway, what u think, cos i have already said that i dont care abt others opinions.
I only wanted to share what happened to me in the hope that it may give some relief to someone(def not people like u).
Pari, if u r reading this, pls dont take me wrong. my comments were in the best intention possible.
2006-06-06
#2
Name: anju Subject: shdn't give such advice.
Hi Amritha,
It's great that you have adopted..and it needs a good soul to adopt another's child..but keep in mind this is a very emotional issue for a women , so it is like pricking thier sentiments or like tiuching fire for the women who go throw infertility.More over i have seen women who adopted and still they try desparately to have thier own child..b'coz the feeling of being infertile never changes, even though they adopt..and i have seen so many couple who adopted also, still they feel like some thing didn't fullfill in their life..so be carefull when you give such advice..it is ok to keep these feeling in your mind if you feel it is right or wonderfull.
2006-06-05
#3
Name: beautifuleyes Subject: JUST Adopt u stupid,selfish infertiles
Amrita,
Wow I am amazed at your nobility. You should get a medal.Imagine a fertile woman who can have more children and who already has a biological child adopting.I know some people might feel thats stupid but not you. BUT you said
\";ASking people to adopt who are having difficulty in conceiving is not a \";stupid\"; thing. Its not like i am asking other people ( people who can conceive easily ) to adopt. \"; HUHHHHH???? implying that WOULD be stupid????
Just wondering, why did you ever ttc??? You could have just got your tubes tied and adopted your 1st child since its SUCH a noble deed and you are sooo noble.PCOS or not should not have changed your decision.
YOU say \";people give the most thoughtless advice and comments at the most unwanted times.
esp.. it gives women pleasure in taunting other women in the form of giving advice\"; YES and you are one of them.
2006-06-04
#4
Name: amrita jay Subject: true
Dear Pari
Hey, no need to apologise and all!!!
I was just clarifying my point.
YEs u r very right in saying that people give the most thoughtless advice and comments at the most unwanted times.
esp.. it gives women pleasure in taunting other women in the form of giving advice.
Cheers
Love
AMrita
2006-06-01
#5
Name: hopingfortejas Subject: hi ...
let me tell you my beliefs ..
first ..a little bit of my history .. i am a classic case of PCOS , tried for ~2.5 yrs , finally now i am 14 weeks preggo...
the thought of adopting crossed my mind many times during the process of TTC , and i am sure i would have taken that path if nothing had worked out ...
but you know, it is easier said than done, i have had relatives who have undergone the same trauma and i used to always think, why dont they not adopt ... but when i was in the same boat , though i was open to that idea ,it did bring tears to my eyes ...
the fact of bearing a baby, having him/her inside you for 9 months ... knowing that he/she is your own blood is so much prcious for a woman ..
u knwo, i ahve advised to so many of my relatives that not having a baby is not the end of the world .... but when i was in their boots ... i used to feel the end of the world has come every month i got my Af or every month my doc told me that i do not have any mature follicles and the only thing which made me go on was that there is another cycle ...
so to put in a nutshell , it is easier to think /talk abt it , but when you are in that position, that is not an easy decsions ...
i ahve seen people who have adopted after several years of trying and my hats off to them ...
Gals, what is your say??
2006-06-02
#6
Name: pari Subject: one more thing..
i have never been against adoption. just against receiving suggestions from the so called 'fertile' people.
after struggling with infertility for 1.5 years, i got a suggestion from my pestering friend (ya, i could not escape her. shez in the states now and calls me often). u wanna know wot it was? she said, "hey, maybe ur not doing it rite...do u know u have to keep ur legs up while doing it in order to conceive?" can u imagine. this woman that im talking bout has two sons, both conceived at the first cycle. she once smoked when she was carrying and wanted to leave her 3 month old son to day care so that she could start working...not bcoz they have financial probs but bcoz she was getting frustrated being a stay-at-home mother.
just wanted to share this with u and everyone on this board.
sorry again.
pari.
2006-06-02
#7
Name: pari Subject: to amrita jay
hey! im so sorry. i didnt know u had pcos at some point. congrats u succeeded in having a baby! that changes my opinion.
and yes, u r rite. i do worry a lot bout wot people think. it does affect me in a no. of ways. i even relocated to usa just to avoid a person who kept pestering me bout having a baby. ya, u may say im an escapist but thats who i m. dont get me wrong, if u find my earlier msg harsh. its just that over the years, i have developed a hatred for people who conceive easily AND think in their weird fantasies that everyone would be as lucky as themselves and keep giving unwanted suggestions.
but u have been there. u know how it feels. good to know u r considering adoption. ya i was expecting people to smirk at the thought of someone able to bear a child and still adopting. people are crazy. but their crazyness often hurts...not them but other non crazy people around them.
take care,
sorry for the misgivings,
pari.
2006-06-02
#8
Name: amrita jay Subject: infertility
Dear hopingfortejas and pari
I had PCOS myself for 2 years before i convceived. I also initially felt bad tht people around me knew that i was having problems conceiving.
But in the end , i thought " what the hell? its my problem. I am going to solve it. I was pestering my husband for adoption from 6 months after i was diagnosed with PCOS. He wasnt for it. He told me to wait at least a year before taking the step. HE, like many people, want actually ready to adopt someone's else flesh and blood.
SLowly, he came round to it and we started off the process of adoption, searching and all. But before anything materialised, I became pregnant and had a son last year. Now i am waiting for soem time before adopting because i cant manage 2 little babies at once.
So thats my story.
PAri, i think u r more bothered abt what other people think rather than about urself.
Ur whole opinion was based on what everyone around u will think abt u.
I know abt u pari and i have read all ur messages in the past years. I know the pain u have undergone and my heart goes out to u.
Wahtever i am expressing is only my opinion and not meant to hurt anybody. ASking people to adopt who are having difficulty in conceiving is not a "stupid" thing. Its not like i am asking other people ( people who can conceive easily ) to adopt. Its only a suggestion.
I have also known people who have decided to adopt after 5 years of trying and have brought happiness to their lives and ended their sorrow.
I have known one case in which they tried for 15 years before adopting.
I also have my uncle who never adopted all his life.
When i was diagnosed with PCOS, my doctor told me that it is very difficult to conceive becuase i have too many cysts. I had actually given up all hope. I think it was just a stroke of luck to get pregnant. I had a high chance of miscarrying also.
Actaully having a biological child and then considering adoption, people actaully smirk at me and ask why???
They think i am foolish to adopt when i can have my own.
So what i want to say is - people will say waht they want, no matter waht u do
Hopingfortejas, my best wishes to u for a happy pregnancy and safe delivery.I am so happy another one of us PCOS types have succeeded.
2006-06-01
#9
Name: pari Subject: adoption
this is my sincere opinion and not meant to hurt anyone. i have always been 'for' adoption. at one point, when i could not wait anymore, i was considering adoption serously. but somehow, it does not seem that appealing when it comes from a person who has never ever experienced infertility. its really easy for her to say 'hey!! why not adopt?!!'
and i also think it may be easier for a person to adopt when they already have a biological child bcoz everyone around them knows they have a choice and they are picking options. its however really difficult to come out and say to ur outer family...'hey, i want to go in for adoption bcoz im not able to conceive'. can this lady ever imagine the look of pity and awkwardness on the faces of those around u and know how difficult it would be to face them again? whenever people bugged me bout 'the good news' i always told them that we were not trying even though i knew the truth could put an end to all unnecessary questions. still i would rather be bugged than face the pity on their faces. i had decided that everyone would surely know when the time comes, wen we decide for adoption, then it would be obvious...but not now.
i really really appreciate those who have adopted bcoz i know how much courage it requires but suggesting adoption to someone who is experiencing difficulty to conceive is stupid!!
no offense meant,
pari
2006-06-01
#10
Name: shree Subject: Right
U r perfectly right hopingfortejas dear ..
well i have been trying for the past 2 yrs and still nothing ..i strongly believe that i shd have a biological child first . I know what it is not to have parents ...so will support those children too ..but first my own blood.
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one more thing..
to amrita jay
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