Relationships  Discussion Forum

Kumar,

Thanks for the reply.We both dont have parents so one of us had to quit the job since i am in IT and earning almost double of his he asked me to continue the job.he is at home from past 2 years.he doesnt have any illenss ,except for BP which he got recently.. I am not sure whether my baby is given any inputs about me or not. Its like we all will be together after i go home. He abuses me saying baby doesnt come to me,as i told u she is fussy eater and he expects me to make her eat after i go from home ,as i am tired i usually dont and he creates fight and mess for small petty issues and keep sayign he wants to walk out of the house as i dont have any support from anybody in the world cant allow this to happen. But relationship b/n me and him is not that good from very early stages. we have maids to look after ,H is doing business and keep getting lot of calls when he gets even when baby is hungry he dont feed her ,that irritates me lots.Please help me dont know what to do ,i have huge home loan dont know what to do if i leave my job ,who will look after me and my baby..soemtimes feel if i kill myself they can atleast complete my home loan and atleast that pbs will be solved..dont know what to do pls help...

Thanks
dia replied. Hi rr,
Many of friends already gave u good views on ur issue.
Yep, ur hubby might not be the culprit in ur issue with baby.
Let me tell u my story...
My baby is also 2.5yrs old and I' m not working just for her from 1year. So,taking good care of her ,Teaching her things and thanks to her good grasping power,Everyone appreciate my patience in being good mother including my inlaws...But my hubby NEVER accept...Because he is too the best dad after he come from office he pamper her too much and plays alot just like a kid. And never allows me to keep her in systematic manner in his presence. When he is around, sometimes she is becoming very stubborn and throwing tantrums just because she know her dad doesnt allow me to control her.
Also, these days my hubby got some backache and Dr. Suggested him somedays he shd avoid to lift heavy things.But my hubby doesnt care his health and carries her though its not at all needed JUST BECAUSE he cant say NO to her. This is very annoying to me. I' m the one who shd take care of his backache ,so have to take my daughter forcefully from him. This is not needed if he tell one word to her , \" no,dear, It hurt me\" . she is very clever enough to listen to him . But he doesnt tell. So I have to shout at her, So since 3days, my baby too started saying \" mommy, u r scoldingme always\" ...Yesterday I sat beside her and was sweet to her..She told me to get out of that place becaus she want her daddy beside her. I said \" y dear, Shdn' t I sit here?\" she answered \" when daddy goes to office, u sit here, I like daddy, daddy will sit here, moommy\" she said with normal voice. but it hurt me alot.
So, I declared my hubby , I' ll not bother whether she sit on his back and stamp it, I' ll not involve, he shd only tell her that she shd sit beside him not on top of him. I told it wiht a cool voice to my hubby. Because I juts dont want to leave bad impressions on my little tender heart.
He has guilty feeling that he can not come to home and spend time alot with baby because of his office tensions. He come home at 9.30pm in the night so have little time in home to spend with her. So he cant say NO to her demands. Even my baby gets bored of me whole day playing wiht me...so she juts stick to her dad whne she see him.
So dear rr, If ur cheerful enough , definitely ur baby also miss u and stick to u when she see u. So just be playful. While going home itself, call her and hide and see her reaction. She will be with u once u start enough play.

Yes, my baby too is a fussy eater, but dont worry about it, when she goes to school, she will get to eat well. Touchwood, its happening with my baby. Recently I joined her in playschool , so she learnt to eat to fit her tummy.

The only solution to ur problem is... Keep cool urself when baby is around. babies cant understand our stress . Ur hubby is really taking good care so she is loving him. not that he is giving wrong inputs in ur absence. Just trust him ,dear!
Ur hubby might not be a good hubby to u, but surely must be a good dad, so she is attached to him. To win her heart, u' ve to be playful,cheerful and deal with patience.


Tell her good stories, Initially she mght refuse to come to u, but if u hug and kiss her and give a choc ..Definitely she come to u...just prepare urself to reach her with cheerful mind. If she doesnt eat, give something whch she might like...

Babies want only love and play. Its easy to attract little ones. all the best ,dear ! kumar replied. Hi rr and others,

A lot has been said on the issues of rr. I want to thank \" friend\" for the suggestion of allowing the baby to feel the \" state of being hungry\" and then feed, for the child to realize need for the feed, only then the child will not resist feeding.

The info I get about rr' s husband and the care he takes, I can safely suggest that he can araamse go back to a day time job, rather than hiding behind his so called business and the phone calls, earning very little in the process. But I also suggest rr to save some patience for the baby and not punish her for their own stress of the job and not so good marital relationship. The baby is innocent and did not ask to be born in our residences, she does not deserve the sufferings of our stress.

I must also confess that my baby has grown beyond the need of an ayah a loooong time back so I do not have knowledge of the present day organisations providing domestic helps. May be you need to search out in your own city specifically. Sorry about this.

Cheers and keep posting. Lakshmi replied. Hi
I am a mother of 11/2 years old who' s very fussy to eat too.

Who else can take care of a kid except a mother ?

I am working , leaving her from her 2nd month.
First of all if he' s taking care of the baby you have to trust him
Leaving the baby for phone calls is nothing.
He cannot always sit with the baby and he needs to take care of other things too.
Even if you stay at home u cannot do those.
Yes . It' s really tough to take care of the baby when compare to hectic work in office.

As the other person said make her hungry and eat.
Even if she does not , leave her.
She' ll come to out.

What I have learned is we canot give responses to all the baby' s cries.
They' ll become fussy and adament.
When they are 6 months , we need to let them play by themselves
which makes them very independent and confidnet.
Try some raisins and put them in the high chair or in the clean floor and make her
try eat by herslef. Try different foods when you are at home and try.
Believe me , after coming home from office I cook for her 3-4 dishes.
Whatever she likes I will give her and I will eat the rest if possible or throw it.

Just think about MOMs who wake up early morning, prepare food,
make the kid ready , feed them , leave her / him in the day care,
go to work / pick them / play with them / feed them / make them sleep.
People are doing it without the maid support.
Think where you stand.
Again I am saying \" If a mother cannot listen to a child , or tolerate a child ,
nobody else can be'

Talk to your husband , leave her in the daycare.
Let me tell you one thing. After going to daycare my daughter is doing better in eating.
Because they see other kids eating.
You both can work and leave her in the daycare.She' ll play and will have a good time.
As she' s seeing more friends. She' ll learn sharing and so many good things.

Your husband can also relax. Again if you donot like that idea and wants your husband to
take care of her , be patient, trustful.

When you think bad of him, try to be in that position and see.
If you are at home , will u be always with the kid. Not even talking to others,
Not exposing yourself to outside worls ... be patient.Appreciare what he' s doing.
I have to say he' s a great daddy.


You talked about kid not coming with you.
when moms stay home they are more attached to them than dad.
The same in your case but in reverse.
Try to come home early. Play with her , sing with her.
Taking care of babies is fun.
Take her out.
Take her regularly for a walk. Explore the world to her.
You' ll get a wonderful life.

Please.... donot complain your husband. See the daddy' s who thinks that they are there only to play with the kid. Your husband is really great.


I hope I have not hurted you. I am also in the IT field and work 24 *7.
I was a prokect manager who manages more than 100 people.
Going to all client places and I was like a queen.
But after 1 year , 1 left my job and working as a developer in a govt firm through consultancy. I ahve lost so much in my profession.
But I am very happy because I can spend more time with my kid which I cannot get it back in my life.

Change your mind. Start a new life.
All the best friend replied. Hi rr

I can undderstand your situation when baby does not eat. My baby was fussy eater too. continiously I used to worry about her that she is not eating, and whenever I force her to eat she use to throw up. I took her to doc and you know wahat doc suggested me and that was really helpful. 1. Don' t feed her regularly.
2. let her hungry for sometime then what ever she will eat , she will digest and not throw up, and also eat without any fussiness.
3. Give her wahtever she like. Don' t always force her to eat healthy food, that way she will learn how to eat, My baby use to like pizza chips and icecream, maggie all kind of junk but my doc suggested give it to her she will learn How to eat.
4. The last line he said that no baby sleep hungry so they will eat when they want. so don' t stress on that too much. give him some kind of multivitamin, that will cover a lot. I hope this will be helpfull to you. kumar replied. Dear rr,

I understand your situations to an extent. I feel your husband is also suffering from some amount of depression for having to sit home and take care of the baby all day and because you come home tired you still expect him to take care of the baby, which is frustrating to him.

It appears spending a bit more money for a day care for just about 3/4 hours for your baby may not be too hard. And you do have maids already to take care of the household chores.

I have the following suggestions. You may have to hire a cook too. I suggest that you do not spend your time at home for any household work, get those done by paying money apart from what your husband loves to do himself without feeling burdened. And when you are back home spend all remaining energy for your baby, give rest to your H as far as the baby is concrned. If the baby goes to cheche those hours also he can concentrate on his business.

Being a mother of a 2 and a half and also being the primary earning member life can not be too easy. I must appreciate your husband for doing what he is doing.

If only you could ger a elderly lady may be a needy widow from either of your villages who could take care of the household chores and the baby, your problems would be solved!

I here about some professional organisations from whom you can hire one such person may be at a slightly high cost. But in your present situation cost is less important, because what is at stake is RELATIONSHIPS and bring up of your baby.

So try out, creche or an ayah and a cook apart from the maid. A all-in-one would be the best!

Never think of killing yourself, thats cowardice, you and your husband together have embarked on a challenge, face it, win it.

All the very best and cheers, do keep posting.

Being in IT sector you must be having two days off?