Relationships  Discussion Forum

Friends,

I have a unique problem. I work and my hubby is at home looking after my baby. She is 2.5 years,from past few months she doesnt come to me and she says she wants papa for everything. I dont have anyone in this world,my baby is my world but whenever she says she wants papa i really feel vvvvv bad..my hubby is also not a good man he hurts me lots,if i am alive its only for my baby..i know 24 hrs she is with her papa and she will be more attached to him rather then me..of course sometimes due to office tension or bad relation with my baby or due to her thumb sucking or due to her fussy eating i may scold or hit her..i am not sure what should i do to get my baby back to me..the thought that she doesnt come to me is killing..

pls help me

thanks in advance
well wisher replied. Dear rr ,

I understand ur problem very much , but i have a request pls dont hit ur baby or scold her much when she is not eating or anything.I know u have lot of problems but in any case u should not vent it out on her.
Please keep ur patience atleast when u r dealing with her. I think ur husband is not taking proper care of her.I would suggest u to put her in some good creche & tell ur husband to join back his work. I think irregular eating hours , not proper treatment from parents & absence of proper affection & attention is only turning ur kid aggressive.
So my suggestions will be :
1.put her in some good creche where she gets regular food timings , gets to mingle with other kids etc.

2.As soon as u get back home , leave aside all ur tension & give ur undivided attention to her. Let the other house work be taken care by your maids but taking care of ur kid should be ur job

I am sure situation will improve with this.

Good luck.. kumar replied. Well rr,

To me the problem is not as simple as it is stated. I have a strong hunch the problem is deeper if not entirely different.

Why is your husband jobless? How long is this arrangement going on? Is he suffereing from any illness or addiction related issues? You said your \" husband is also not a good man\" and \" hurts you a lot\" . Is the abuse only psychological or physical too?

I am asking the above questions because under normal situation when the H is working and the W is at home, its the W who encourages the child to go to papa and thereby the relationship between the child and the working spouse carries on. In your case even that is not working? So some more questions :

Is the child is fed with wrong input in your absence about you? Is the child being traumatised so that she does not come to you? When you are back home, does your H not leave you and child together at all?

Please think and try to answer these questions, we need a little better understanding about the quality of the ralationship you have with your H to solve this parenting problem better. Chameli replied. May be ask your husband to take a job.Tell him that u want some rest from earning for the family.Change the situation.Spend more time with the kid.

But if it is not due to situation & purely ur wish that ur hubby is staying at home and u r working then i dare say u ' ll have to face it.

Buy her some chocolates,toys,take her out to movies when ur husband is not around.Do somethings to bring ur baby close like bed time stories,simple games etc,.