Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi all friends,
I' m married for 5yrs.My hubby is loving and caring ,I can say. Ok,tell me whether he is caring after reading this message.

Before marriage , Everyone in my family and near family used to love me alot. I' m the first in total grandchildren ,so used to get special love. Even in School I had special image among vast srength too for my intelligence. In my college, I used to be little reserved with boys and friendly with girls,I used to have very good image in my college too . Of course, I used to have image of humble and respectful image though I had b' ty, my father is in good position, 1st ranker in college...Still I' m humble and never show sign of being haughty. So, friends and even their parents used to praise me alot.

That is the background I had. I had very memorable childhood and teenage.

My hubby really worked hard to get his family this position. They were not sound though had lotproperties, they couldnt utilise at those times and were not able to lead a most comfortable life like mine.

So, After marriage ,when we were here ,he couldnt spend time with me because his parents had a big focus on him whether he would change after marriage. Probably this made him to move (?) and we moved usa. We spent a happy life there. But he always been a fault picker and want be to be perfect like him. Yes, probably I was not good home maker at thta time in keeping house just acc to his views. But he never undertsand like I' m trying to meet his expectations, he has to fulfil mine.

as I was very strict in college days and never easily went out for a movie with friends though my parents never restrict me. I used to be caring for my dad money. My brother was different ,he used to n' joy in all aspects. But after marriage I wanted to n' joy with my hubby this world. He is earning good amount and his collegues were leading good life. So I too sometimes wanted to roam around and spend. hough my attitude is not like that spending unthoughtful, I wanted to do window shopping atleast. He used to be very keen about saving money and sitting at home. Later realised how simple life I' m leading and how I cooperated him to reach his ambition of the amount he wanted to see. So started being litlle libaral about money which made me happy but never had patience to roam around, I had no choice because I didnt even know driving and no mall is near by. I tried to learn driving but again, his impatience used to make him scold me when I drive with over fear. Ok, then I got pregnant and stopped driving.
We got a b' tiful baby and i lost my position in him. He love her dearly and always are alot to play with her. Didnt want to go out because she might get cold or she might be inconvenient. I wanted to see myself new and started doing work at home. Yes, I gained my prev confidence and ?I got good name again there.
My hubby cant see any of my skills .y?
He has reasoning for it, I' m interested in education and outside things but not in household chored. Yes, I do things like any commo woman, but dont achieve that perfect woman image. After baby, I used not to have time with job and house things and he used to help alot. Am I lay at things? In keeping house clean his ideas were different and my perspective was different. Friends used to praise my taste of keeping house clean but I never got praisings from him in anything?? yes, he tell me some things about my attitude of leaving laundry clothes not folding for whole dya sometimes and that is not perfect woman can do. Yes, I know he would not like keeping them aside, But sometimes I wanted relax myself from household chores and baby jobs, so when baby sleep, I used to spend time in browsing than folding clothes. Those little things used to get irritate and used to ask what I do when baby sleeps? I had no answer .

His impatience and getting irritated easily is the main problem from him.

Now, He changed een that attitude of critising me for household things ...I donno becasue time changed him (like DIa,one of our friends boost manytimes in many posts) yes, he changed in being strict about money first ,later changed to be faultpicker always.
Now we came to Bangalore and He became busy in office now and not finding an hour even for me. but when he return home , he prefer playing with my 3yrs old baby and she too doesnt leave him a moment. I share my happiness with them though they dont involve me in their fun. I too leave them becauseI spend much of the fun time with my baby daily. I dont consider.

But here in my story, what make me feel low is-- y dont he consider living according to my desires. ?He knows well that I like a dineout wih him and a shopping with him. But its been 6months, he didnt take me any restaurant or shopping. He love watching movies so he take me there, Though its not much intresting to me, I like going out wiht him, So I show enthusiasm.
That too he stopped his own entertainment becaus emy baby is not feeling comfy in theqatres. So here I cat say he look for his own selfishness and not mine. But he has been brought up practical and doesnt prefer having fun in life. But he is family man and wants to spend in home with both of us. he show me love only when my girl sleeps.
He want his own space. I too let him and dont nag much..But IS it common not going for a shopping/Dineout in 6months? he doesnt bother about money but he doesnt have patience.
My parents r nearby and he ask me to go shopping with mom or brother. But I donno y? I want to go and roam with my hubby too. He never ask me how much I' m spending..Jsut get money and give me...Also, I am buying here in walkable distance what my dughter wants and I want. But i dont have spending habi even, and I donno how to look fashionable acc to trends and I dont want to spend on extra accessories. While reading messages of our friends, I started going to parlour to pamper myself and change hairstyle, have a facial etc.. But my hubby never notice or praise on my new look. He is sharp observer can notice anything but doesnt comment.


I know he has many positives and do alot to get me good name in his family, being a good father. Btu he has no care for my feelings? hope he' ll change soon in this matter too...


but tell me,Am I being ignored by my hubby>? how common it is to a hubby not buying any dress (I shd go and buy if I want,but I participate happily when he has to buy a dress for me) even for my birth day or marriageday?
He put leaves to relax himself while going his place and spend there just like he wish but cant come an hour before to take me DINE OUT on b' day or marriageday?Not everyyear it hapened. But all these years i had to ' ASK' him to take me out and demanded. This is 5th year and ui didnt ask him anything, and just observed , he just didnt come to home early. In the night , he noticed i' m verymuch disappointed though I ddint tell, he told various reasons and how office burdens making him occupied. And he has no special feelings for special days and he never objectme n' joying myself? he accepted his grown up is very practical so he doesnt like in having fun./

Is it common to not to care wife' s little concerns?when i tried my level best to become perfect homemaker to meet his expectations, y cant he change himself for me?
After marriageday, that weekend somehow i asked him to go out for lunch. And my brother was there. And saw him caring for my girl' s preference and my brother noticed him teasing me when I asked dessert and pulling my legs .And my brother knows I give importance to only food ,Never to gold/dresses. So when I go parents home, my father and brother get me lot of junkfood/fruits/sweets etc...
when my brother saw my hubby not at all caring for my little feelings and teasing for my taste, my brother hurt a little and I could see it. He said to my hubby with cool voice \" dear bil, in our home and my grandparents home , we used to pamper and prefer sister' s tastes, just like u prefer ur girl' s tastes\" . I donni what my hubby got but he juts nodded his head with a smile. didnt respond to it.

my dear hubby know my likes very well. but nevr get me a pack of chocs or sweets for me when he is coming home. I tell him to make me happy that way. He even know how simple life I lead comparing to our community.He even know iff not me , he wouldnt have saved this much money.

Donno friends, Whether I' m leading content life or not, even y neighbour recently mentiooned\" seems u dont roam together\" I said her \" yep, he doesnt find time with office load.\"

But I know if he want, he can take a leave just to spend with me.becausehe take 2leaves extra a month after a weekendto his place.
I' m demotivated and not feeling like doing his fav dishes now. I stopped breakfast too and he too getting used to have it in office. I too wANT to nglect him for sometimes, but immediately he specify tha he is getting adjusted thougn I dont do breakfast.but I' m missing manyin my life, if i mention anytime it seems like nagging.
Waht shd I do? I tried communiacating with him with a cool discussion. But he accepted he is incapable of taking me out because he doesnt have intrest in it. and I can go with friends or mom if I wish for.

Also, i like him buying a gift for me atleast for my b' day because I give him surprises. This time I didnt give him anthing .I lost joy of giving also/

I read many inspiring/positive replies from Dia, Ritika , Saheli ,Vimpi..and other many good friends telling things in positive way. Recently I read from a friend (remember, its ritika) NOT to depend on hubby for our own happiness.Also recently yesterday Dia' s words touched me like anything which meant \" girls wish their men would have made just like them, but unfortunately, they r made different' .ya, in my case its true. I dont have inner satisfaction about my life.
Dont have any job now, I know looking for a job will be a better option. but I want to take rest for some days.

Ok, I have options to keep myself happy and occupied but is there anyway i n' joy the togetherness and a fell that my hubby take me out for me!
Probably, I might need a feeling that \" I' m not alone \" I want to listen if nyone is here around me having problems with mechanical husbands? I cant improve my situations now, only time has to change him in this issue. but i want many views on it.
Thanks for reading my long post.I welcome suggestions ,even comments if I have any problem in my thinking? Pl respond to this issue just to share ur life and satisfaction too!
Mehek replied. Reading your post brought tear to my eyes that my husband is helpful and caring towards me. When we first got married we were both working and it was hard because we were young but yet at least one or twice a month he used to take me out to dinner and a movie. If I happened to mention I wanted something like a dress or coat he would buy it for me without a flinch. even in household chores he always helped with the cooking and laundry and more after we had kids. I think all this helped us to be closer and very much in love and we have been married for 12 years now but the closeness still remains. I think in our rat race world to work and save for the future we forget to live for now. We are saving for our children and retirement but what about our young days which will never come back again. I think you should sit your husband down and talk to him. Pappukangi replied. Tell you husband that you love the movie “Shivaji” and you dream about Rajnee Kaant every night. He will be all normal with you. Later replied. More then 90% of woman all the world has same problem this is nothing new in the world, u r lucky that ur husband gives u the other luxurious of life,I too go thru the same but happy that he gives me money, so I can enjoy life by going for movies, shopping etc, I no a Lady in my neighborhood, married for past 19yrs in these 19yrs he has ever took her for a coffee, movies or for a walk with him, nor wished her on her birthday or anniversary, and she a pretty woman in her colony, after hearing her I never complaint abt my husband,
So dear meet people make friends ask them abt their life u will come to no that ur husband is 10times better the other, make good friends go for movies, shopping n picnic along with ur kids n enjoy ur life n don' t waste on thinking
abt ur husband who r not worth thinking of, life is once live it happily.
Enjoy life in good way n has much as u can. chi replied. I felt like I' m reading my own feelings out there...only difference is I' m working and my baby is just a year and a half. Just similar to your hubby, mine also suffered to come to the stage he is in. So he kind of feels its a waste if we eat out or celebrate a special day or window shopping. Well, he does comment on my housekeeping, etc.,but my mil helps me out saying I' m a working woman and does so much of work throughout the day, so he should not complain. I' m glad that atleast my mil is nice in that matter. Sometimes she tells him to take me out! But for him, going out is just to be in our locality...even if its an eat out, its the same place. He is born and brought up in the current locality where we live...so he refuses to come out of his comfort zone. While after seeing the world around, I want to explore a lot of things and he wants to just stick to this locality!
And just like you, I' ve tried having cool discussions and a little bit of nagging. The result is he would take me out then, but I see that he would not enjoy it all that much. It would be like a big favour! What' s the fun if only I enjoy the outings and he feels out of place or so.
But he is nice otherwise...he helps me out...sees to it that nobody can say anything bad about me in the family. He supports me to achieve my career goals as well...but yes, this one thing bugs me now and then...but I try to involve myself in other things.
I dont have suggestions for you...since I' ve not found any for myself yet.... mini replied. Hi preeti..i think we gals are always expecting hubby' s to be the way we want and our hubby' s want us to be as they want...well that is human nature..every individual has different way of living life...that' s y its good to be an individual too more than a wife...be a wife in matters where he wants you to be..else ..be free as he has given u the freedom..my husb too tells me to buy anything i want to buy ..he too does not have time to take me to places to visit same as u mentioned..and similarly he shows more importance to the baby ...much more than me as if i do not exist at all...not bothering that im the one who gave him the baby...so having adjusted with gr8 difficulty to all...i have made local friends and went for shopping or roaming around with my baby ..many times even friends are not available to go when we want....so i went myself with my baby ..i did not ask m y hubby to accompany me bcos i got fed up of asking him all the time to take me..and he always responded negatively as he wanted to relax in the free time....

even i dont know driving so felt low that i have to take auto and all....
but finally i did it and this is how i enjoy myself and even my baby as he also needs to see the world..

so do not depend on ur husband for these little moments of fun...
go ahead and enjoy with ur baby

we are lucky that our husbands have given us freedom to spend..they never bother where and how we spend...so be happy ...and cheer up.

If u will be happy and jolly ur baby will also be happy..

take care
mini Suma replied. Some time thnigs will not happen as our wish. I can understand your position as i am also sailing on the same boat. My husband he never praised my work, home maintenance etc. Slowly i also lost interest in doing all house hold chores in perfect way. But if i do so he finds mistakes in everything i do. So some husbands do not praise their wifes but criticises very often.... EGO might be one of the reason... I cannot say that practical up bringing may be another reason for this kind of behavioural problems. practical up bringing person should be eual while praising or criticising in practical manner or else he should not tell anything. My question is why husbands always criticises if we do small mistakes or makes mole out of mountain..... it hurts when there is no comment or praise though we put extra effort to make things work as his wish.

So... priti, this is very natural in some husbands. My position is exlactly like yours. When you want to go out with your husband. Just approach him and explain him how you are getting refreshed when you do window shoping.... make him feel about the importance of it. Give and take is must in Marriage. When you are giving so much and doing work according to his wish why can' t he give 50% joy in return.

Have patience... be cool... things will definetly work with you. Patience alwaya pays. As you say do not nag about anythigns. It will make the situation worst.

Take care






not important replied. wow..that was a super long post!
You have just delivered a baby & both of you are going thru what all the new parents go thru..so just relax!..It takes atleast a year for the new parents to get adjusted & get back to their regular life style...After a baby life is completely different & takes tiem to adjust .So dont indulge yourself i nself analysis or hubby analysis a lot during this period...there are more crul husbands who dont give a diem to spend on your own or those who do not let you spend time with peopel from your side..you are sayign your hubby give you enough money plus no Inlaw issues too.
So you are so luckier than many women here.Relax, take care of your baby, love her & your husband equally.
Goodluck