Relationships  Discussion Forum

I loved a person before I got married and due to certain reasons V couldn’t able to get married.
Reasons are,
He was not settled when I got married and he didn’t even approach my parents.

About my Married life: My hubby is a only son to his parents and having good job and well off too. V have 4 years old son. He is a cool, clean habited and calm person. Everyone in my family likes him a lot. My life is cool thou I have some problems mentioned below,
I feel, My marriage life is not so good bcoz
my hubby is not taking care me very much , not sharing important matters ( like if parents constructs/buys a flat or plot for us ), not supporting/not reacting at all when his parents scolds or complaints about me and my parents ( thou I am correct ) it was not only one time , happened many times.
Not even praised me for the things I am done (thou all of my neighbours praises me for everything) , I am not so beautiful ( having good complexion and attractive) but good looking -- for this I got very worst comment from my hubby sometimes ( like comparing me with all villain actress ) He never give any gifts for my bday or anniversary ( thou he earns in Lakhs). He always demotivates me. When I was India I was working as a PL after I moved to US I didn’t get a chance to work initially. Then from last year I started working here.
Coming to sex life, only once he inserted his penis to my vagina out of 5 years of marital life. I just spoke abt this couple of times he doesn’t bother and never tried, never shown interest of undressing me or seeing my things.

Initial period I had some feelings for him now I am not finding any interest/love towards him. Now I am very much irritated if I get a call from him (he works as Fly in /fly out mode), only in the weekend He visits us.

I don’t know these are real problems. Somehow I am not caring all these and living and projecting to my parents and society that I am very happy. But I am not happy to myself and to true to my heart. Thou I can say that’s the life sometimes I am very much frustrated and crying a lot bcoz I am cheating myself.

Abt my x-Lover: After I got married he slowly settled down in his life and didn’t get married. And recently came to know that He refuses to get married. His parents saw a girl for him but he purposefully resigned his job in India and came to USA.
Last month I spoke with him over phone and he told me that how much he missed my company and me. He said he couldn’t able to think about other girl replacing me. I just told him to get married for that he busted me like anything. Asked me not to give such advise to him and tamper his anger.
We had very nice understanding I can say. He is bit arrogant & wont listen to anyone but I understand him very much when I can say something & get the things done.
He used to be very energetic and charming person, but now not in that way, when I see him like that I hate me like anything, I screwed up his life. 3 years back I spoke with him when I was India, that time he asked me to come along with my Kid. I didn’t say anything and kept quiet and came back to USA.
When v r in love, we both used to get into fight a lot. While speaking to him I need to be careful sometimes, he will get hurted if I say something and again I need to be behind him and say sorry this and that .. after 5 th day he ‘ll come & do all such luv making KONJALs. Then v ‘ll be normal. I was in luv with him for 2 years , I totally forgot abt myself and my surroundings ( that time I stoped talking to my cosuins and friends ) bcoz that much he occupied me. He didn’t even had nice job , but he gifted me a Gold ring for my bday (its not matter of money ) thats matter of affection. He praises me if I do someing gr8 and abt my beauty also. He loves me a lot and understands my each move. Now then and there I spoke with him. I feel I am in heaven when I am speaking with him.
Sometimes I feel like leave everything & go to him. But not all the times, sometimes I feel I should stay here.



Between Luv and marriage: I never ever tried to compare my hubby and my lover and also marriage and luv. I know the line. In fact First 2 years of my marriage I didn’t even think abt my luver and concentrating on my work and my marriage life. Once after my delivery v had a issue in my house that time my hubby as usual didn’t support me that day evening I was coming in my office bus and cried a lot that time only I thot abt my luver and realized I missed him ( I don’t know even if I married to him I wld have had some problems ) . Now I don’t have idea of going to my luver and live and also I am hating my hubby like anything. Nowadays I am frustrated a lot.
I am kind of energetic and enthusiastic and fun luving person and got tons of friends . easily I can get distracted if I am down also.

Now I don’t know what kind of mind state I am ? Can anyone suggest me what shall I do ? What I am think is correct or not ? Is it usual or not ? Chameli replied. Hey Kani,

Sad to hear.But don' t worry.Things will change.Ur problem is not that ur love didn' t succeed.Actually your problem is ur married life is not as u expected and so u r thinking about your X.My advice is, thinking about your X or speaking to him is only going to make matters worse.

As a first thing stop speaking to ur X & be determined.Now it will be really nice to have his shoulders to cry but this will really decrease your love for ur husband.Only when there is no one else to keep u engaged,u r going to concentrate on pulling back ur hubby.

Every one of us has to try so many tricks to pull hubby towards us.Only the intensity of tricks vary.If u have troubles with ur inlwas u will have to manage it in ur own way.Give back as and when u can.Don' t rely on hubby to defend u from inlaws.No hubby will do that.

Buy him some gift and ask him if he feels good and when he says yes tell him that everybody love to have gifts including you.

Appreciate his Good deeds.When u feel u have done something good ask him if it is Good and all that.

You can' t fit ur x into ur life again.It is something that is lost and past.You don' t think about it and aggravate ur sorrows.You can' t forget ur X.Nobody can.But you can always avoid him. VILASINI replied. Hi Kani,
Only one time he did intercourse and you got a 4 year old child. That means during the last 58 month you never did any sex with your husband. I AM REALLY SHOCKED. Take this man to any sexologyst or Psychologyst and find the reason.

GOD GAVE THIS LIFE TO ENJOY DECENTLY WITH HUSBAND, CHILDREN, OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS AND SOCIETY AND WORSHIP GOD FOR ALL GOOD AND BAD GIVEN TO YOU ON EARTH.

TRY THIS & TELL ME THE RESULT. friend replied. We have same Life. felt like reading my own story. Kani replied. Physically and mentally I am not happy with my hubby and cheating myself as if I am happy .

Shall I live for me or live rest like this ????