Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi
Iam married 13 yrs ,not able to get along with my hubby.It is horrible.he abuse me n my family every day.he is in IT.iam not working,the problem is financial,always wants money to buy sites/apts from my parents.he tourches me,tells me not to sleep n eat.just because he married me he spoiled his life it seems.i have two kids[11,9] he is asking me to work in any IT co.but the problem is iam unable to concentrate n digest anything n at the same time i think i should do some thing.he yells before the kids that almost every day bad about me,n disciplining kids he threatens them just like how he does to me.he will not be happy for anything,he is ofcourse influenced by mother ,she keeps telling that ur the king,but ur struggling had it been some other she would have got money.she also tells me that i couldnot disciplined the kids ,she almost pokes into all the matters.without her approval he will not do any thing.my brother -in-law also tells some to him this is again another big story.he always tries to prove that they r great,n kids r disciplined n stuff like that.my hubby for every bad thing he blames me .it is like iam a third person in the house.even with kids he says ,u study pigs otherwise u have to depend on others for ur food indirectly to me.
actually my grand father during the marriage,told like if there is any chance in US i will see.for this one word n also for dowry since the money after being given to my hubby,some was on my name.intially he acted as if he like me,but all the was for money.later there was lot of pressures n lot of arguments with my parents/gf ,many times n ,now he is not sending to them,n asks me to get out of his house many times ,believe me even my son says that.I really dont know what to do,at the same time i cannot depend on my old parents.
genuine advisers pls do u all think i should continue or die.pls help me.
Rod replied. Your story is 80% like mine, but end life is not the the end of everything, u have kids, think what will happen to them, u say ur Gf is in US, why don' t u keep ur kids with u parents arrange a part time maid n go abroad to work, this is what I did, then there is no need to u listen to abuse or anything else, You will be happy n ur kids too will lead a happy life along with ur parents away from irritated father, u had no happy life atleast give ur kids a happen n peaceful life. Ananymous replied. Hey VK,

I have been thinking about this solution for a while now.I have a picture of my wounds out of my husbands physical abuse.But my face is little unclear in that because i tried to take the picture my self.Will that be okay.But i have managed to threaten my ILs and hubby for a while such that nowadays whatever it takes he does n' t raise his hand.

My FIL has some politicians for friends.Will i be still supported if i lodge a complaint against these stupids?

And one more important thing is after he is put in jail,my husband might try to take revenge on me.Then how is it possible to live together happily after that.How did that happen with your cusin.Had she no problems?

chameli replied. Hey mimi,

Now don' t worry.If your husband is asking you to work in an IT company,U shud be having some good qualification.Make use of that.U can take a job as a school teacher dear.So that u will have to work for less time than in an IT company.

Now mimi if u can tell(or u can think for urself) what is stopping you from going to a job?If you can share that i can tell u some honest suggestions.

Your kids are of the age that they can take care of urself.

May be i ' ll tell u my story,that will give u some idea.

I am a house wife for 2 yrs and often getting deep insults in money matters.
I completely lacked in self confidence for the past two years.Then i attended an interview for a school teacher.They asked me to take sample classes.I said i can make it some other day and all that.But they asked me to take then itself.I was really worried.My husband was standing near me and kept insulting and telling that being a BE cse i am not even fit for a school teacher interview.
I asked him to get out of the place and i was called in and took the class and i was selected too.I cudn' t believe and my confidence level surged so high.Due to health pbms i cudn' t take up that job.But now my life is better.Believe me.Now i have the confidence that i can earn my living at an given point of time.

So take up a job whatever it is.how much ever u get paid.U will get a very nice diversion.U will find urself heedless to ur husbands comments.U will be so tired at nights to hear his comments.

What are u actually worried abt in taking a job.If u can state that we shall dicuss over it know. dddd replied. Hey i understand your situation.I was in same state with in laws demanding i work.Its a shame for them to expect DILS to support their foolish thoughts.Only thing i would say is i gave them back and you shud too. If you are in India you shud file a case for harassment.Now laws in india are very friendly. You are not misusing it.
Dont let the kids also join in. Now its a tender age.your kids need good influence. tomorrow he will do the same with his wife.As far as your husband its really bad to act that way.In laws acting like that is not different. They are greedy most of the times.You need to take some action to drive some sense into them.
Take care post back.
VK replied. Hi Do you live in India? If so where? The reason for my asking is In india the police is very strong(especially womens cell). Try to gather some proof' s of your husband torturing you and go complain to the police. My cousin who is from Hyderabad AP did the same. Her husband abused her physically. she took pictures of her wounds as evidence and went to police. The womens cell got involved and put the husband and in-laws in jail for few days, later he compromised to live with her seperately. Its been more than 10 years now. She is happy now.

Mimi, I am not saying this is the only solution for this problem but it is surely better than dying and leaving 2 kids at your husbands mercy.

Take care.
VK