Relationships  Discussion Forum

I can see that many women have finally come around to accepting the fact that parents not letting go of their sons at the time of marriage in just the same way they let go of daughters when they get married is the root cause why all of us DILS are suffering today. And that the parents of the husband need to realize their folly.

How may of you suffering DILS of today have promised yourselves that you too will let go of your sons and decided not to use them as a crutch for your old age?

If honestly the thought of living the lives that your inlaws live seems ghastly to you is it not fair then that you too should not live that life when you are inlaws in the future? Remember the future is shaped by the present and the present by the past. This suffering today is your present. How you handle this present, how you learn from the past and present is going to shape the future which is going to be your present and above all your childs present pretty soon. Time flies.
So think about my question it will help you handle your present the right way. Chameli replied. Hey Vimpi,

I was married 2 years back and from the very beginning i had problems from my MIL,FIL & SIl.And in this jan my brother got married and i suggested everybody at my home that they shud make SIL
(brother' s wife) feel free.

And i spoke a few words with my brother too.He knew how much trouble i faced with my inlaws and what i have been expecting all the while.


Still before his marriage we were worried that our SIL should understand our efforts and she did understand us very well.

I spoke to my SIL too.I said her if there is some trouble with someone in the family i assured her to stand on her side and help her through it.Now she is very fond of me.I don' t call my brother' s mobile.I call my SIL and then speak a few words to my brother.


Not that no issue arised.A few petty issues did arise in the early days and she called me and asked wat to do & i helped her solve it.I was happy she called me.Now she says she doesn' t have any trouble.Once she came to my house and she personally thanked me for being a nice SIL.

I don' t have kids.And when i have kids i have planned to just leave them in their way and not to interfere in the least.Boy or Girl i won' t give any suggestions after their marriage be it self improvement or family issues.I have vowed it to myself. dia replied. Hi vimpi,
I just noticed this post and wanna reply.
Presently ,I have only girl baby and If I get a boy...Definitely I' ll not interfere in their matters.
Know what, I think many times about this issue...Also, Reason for ppl not responding to this question might be because of not noticing this particular post.

As for now, I have my own plans for being as a good SIL as my one and only brother not yet married.I prepare my mom in many ways to be a good MIL to let her would-be(not yet looking for matches) dil n' joy with her hubby.
So vimpi, Even u may be correct ppl doesnt think about being honest when time comes.Sometimes I become blank ,if I feel these feelings...because when I was not married,I always had plans to be a good DIL and yes, now
I' m putting all efforts to keep that idea live...But do u know ,My mil always try to blame me very smoothly...
She manipulates her family and gives false impressions about me.
I' m victim for her over possessive ness. For Example, She cant even see my hubby' s clothes r being arranged in my wardrobe in my home.
In her home, anyway she keep mine and my daughter' s clothes in one almirah and put his son and married daughter' s clothes in one almirah along with my sil' s kids clothes. Today only I returned from mil' s place and since morning my mind is thinking....Can my mom do the same??
No vimpi, My mom is very practical and never care these silly things... Even I too dont care to what extent my mil can separate mine and my hubby' s clothes. But , I see her intensions clear this way and keep myself careful.

but vimpi, I dont know what kind of DIL my mom would get,I' m sure My mom gonna be a better MIL...She may not prepare her fav sweets and dishes to serve her...but she will not show any possessive ness towards my bro. She' ll juts let my brother to go with his wife ...Because she decided to be as an aunt to her if not as a mother...but definitely will not be a ' MIL'

When I become SIL, I definitely dont encourage my mom keeping my brother' s clothes in my family almirah .Because, I like idea of being hubby and wife together .My mom and dad,from the strat maintained togetherness and understanding. Even my hubby started realising how impotrtant not to involve anyone in btwn hubby and wife. So I' ll not create issues to my bro and his wife.Wish me and my parents to get a good understanding dil to my family.DIl-Daughter-Inlaw not a DEvil Inlaw ...because its equally important that girl should see this positive side and be friendly with us ...

wish us a good ' her' .Definitely we dont expect anything more than some few little sweet words atleast once in a week with my brother' s family.If even she feels ,he is spending more and we r loving him...no problem ,Fine! Then we like him to call whenever she allows him to call us/....But we never try to put all efforts to be connected with him.

OK,Vimpi? Hope my thoughts meet ur wishes to spread happiness. vimpi replied. SR,

I am glad you believe in living away from your son and that you answered my question.
However what bothers me is that no other woman on this board seems to have the courage to answer this question.
Whenever I have brought up the topic of aging on this board and what their plans are for old age, people just shut out this thought. Lot of them give vague replies about the thought of themselves aging and many of them give me reasons for not wanting to ever live in retirement communities which actually sound like excuses. It seems to me people just do not want to face this truth that one day they are also going to be in the same position that their inlaws are in today. It looks like they are all searching for solutions that will bring them happiness instantly but they are not really looking for ways to spread this happiness and to make others happy.
Such women then are not going to be any different from the women that their own MILS are today because they are just repeating the same folly that their own inlaws have made. What is going to be achieved by keeping the inlaws away then? Instant momentary happiness?
There has to be some self introspection here.
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