Relationships  Discussion Forum

Name: Ritika

After reading what little you have written, I honestly feel that all three of you are at fault here - your mother, your wife and you.

Your mother first of all - because as an elderly person (having more experience in life and more wisdom), she should realize that she is causing marital discord in her son´ s life. Whatever the cause (e.g. her coming with yr wife, yr son and you for dinner), it IS causing a rift between the two of you..which is not good. In a marriage there should be only 2 people. Your mother is becoming a third person...again, not good for either her or your marriage.

Yes, she has given birth to you, brought you up, got you married...now she should step back from your side and let yr wife take that place...FYI - yr wife´ s parents also took care of her, educated her and got her married..yr paternal grandmother also took care of your father, brought him up, got him married etc...how would yr mother have felt, having yr dadi preaching to her and yr dad every step of the way? Your dad listening to his mom (yr dadi) but not to his wife (yr mom)? Your dad yelling at his wife that he can leave her but never his mom?

My point being that yes, parents do take care of their children (most parents do that incidentally)... Is that reason enough for them to take their kids on guilt trips or sabotage their relationship with their spouses?

It can be hard to accept that I´ m no longer # 1 in my child´ s life. It can be difficult to raise a child for 20 odd long years and very, very hard to let go...but it STILL needs to be done!

Your wife - because her attitude is not helping matters here. I cant get over the fact that she gave the necklace that you brought for your mom - to her mom! That was a mean thing to do! Not good! She is your wife...you both should function as a team here...if she is having problems with your mom, she should resolve it by standing up for specific issues or discuss it with you or whatever..but definitely not do sneaky things like this...it breaks the trust in a marriage (specially knowing how much you love yr mom and would definitely come to know abt her not receiving the mother´ s day gift)..

Last of all, I feel you also have done yr fair share of contributing to this saas bahu drama..because your wife and you are a team..whatever decisions you both take should be done after consulting with each other.

If you know that yr wife and mother dont get aong, why invite her to what seems to be an outing for your immediate family? You need to have alone time with just yr spouse and kid. Just the 3 of you. It´ s necessary for your son as well so that he sees you as one family unit which is happy together..not one where his mom is scowling and his dadi is quiet (I´ m assuming these things here..but you get the picture)...

Ofcourse it is also important to have outings that are with yr mom and wife and son as well...But again, you need to sit down and discuss with your wife that you would like to have outings where ALL of you are together. She can specify when and where..but it should be once a month or so...that way she will not erupt like she did on the dinner invitation...

An important note - All mothers are angels on this earth...they dearly love their kids...that does NOT stop them from being mere mortals..they can and do have failings..

One of the biggest is that it is very easy to love one´ s own child, but very difficult to love another person´ s child. E.g. Isn´ t there a difference in the way you love your son and your son´ s class friend?

What I´ m trying to say is that your mother might love YOU a LOT, might think the world of you but she might not be that thrilled about your wife. And any human being can feel love or the lack of it...

And yelling at your wife to think of your mom as HER mom is not going to win you any brownie points..believe you me...because moms give unconditional love and support and encouragement..whereas (most) mother in laws do not do this...they provide no love, no support, no encouragement...only conditions in order to live in their house, expectations that their son is going to be taken care of (along with in laws), bahu will take over all the house hold chores (regardless of whether she is working or not)..etc etc..quite a hostile environment for a person first joining a new family..dont you think? Ask yourself an honest question..would you like to live your wife´ s life? If not, why not?

Hope this gives you a clue on why some husbands are called \" mama' s boy´s\" .

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