Relationships  Discussion Forum

I just found this site, I hope you will read this...

I am married to a man living in India (resident). I have been married for 3 years and some months. We have a baby boy and he is 1 years old.

I am a US citizen Indian girl, 2nd generation Mom and first generation Dad. I have family roots to my homeland, the place my ancestors come from and I have dozen family members, well hundreds of them actually living back home.

I got married to this man whom I stayed over there with and he was planning to come back with me when he got visa. My parents felt this boy had potential and since he was a student here for a number of years, they felt he knew the US a little bit.

When my parents finally came back here to US and mentioned they would see me when we came back since they can not afford to travel back and forth all the time, things slowly changed with my husband.

I got pregnant, my husband was ready to start a family and so was I, everything changed. My husband began forcing me to stay inside, not allow me to visit his Aunts or cousins that were my age girls and married. He started shoving me, using his feet to kick me on my behind,I lost a great deal of weight,he was pulling my hair constantly(sometimes clumps of hair came out), he almost made me miscarry and I bled because of the abuse (I suspect and weight loss), after the doctor told me to take bed rest, he cooled down a little bit...

After hitting me, later, he would say he loves me and he just got mad, that I pissed him off, but I never argued with him or even raised my voice to him.


All this was done when my BIL was at work and his parents were out of the house. He was violent when they were away most of the time. When his parents were there, the most he'd do was give me bad looks if I mad him mad.


I got a chance to contact my brother secretly that lives here and he wired me money, I got my ticket, I lied and said he was very ill (my brother) and I needed to see him. Since my baby was still being breastfed, our baby had to go with me is what I said. I did the smart thing and made sure I kept my baby's passport and my materials together.

I didn't go back as of yet and I am really not planning to go back. I am almost certain great harm will be done to me if I were to go back. My child will be taken by him, I am most certain he will try.

I have not gone further with the paperwork to get him here. I don't want to endure anymore pain from him.

My parents only know I was not happy or I may not have been treated good.

Every so often, he calls me on the phone and asks me to come back and tells me to get back soon.

What should I do?

I am living in uncertainty. I want to be married, but I don't want to be abused.

I appreciate your words or encouragement and advice.

Please advise,
too afraid to say my name god bless replied. Hi there. Sorry to have read the abuse and pain you have gone through. Being a married woman and living abroad I can relate to you feeling alone in India and scared to stand for urself. But now that you have come back to the US, make sure you don't sponsor or write to ur husband, not even email. Don't make no contact with him. Let him call, just ignore the calls, maybe call ID would tell it's his call and u can let it ring away.
Where are ur parents right now? Hope they are in the US too. U stay positive and focussed, work for a career, and ur brother sure is there to support and protect you. Keep the faith and if you think it is too much expense to file divorce proceedings, check with the lawyer and if passing two yrs gets u automatic divorce, then make that happen. However, study all ur options in good time so that if he was to come and haunt you, u r ready.
Let the past be behind you and God give you lots of happiness in the future.
God bless.
amit replied. Hi Bold Lady,

Sorry that I did not keep my promise of writing to you, but that did not do any bad as I can see, glad that Ritika was of great help to you, and you are recovering.

Wish you all the very best, good luck.

amit Ritika replied. What are you scared of. Again, I would say, no other country teaches you how to be independent than America where independence is in the air. So I am surprised how can any one raised in America, be so scared & afraid of difficult times. Clearly you don't have too many options - either be bold & independent or become a victim again. It's that simple. Crying can't bring any solution nor will it make things easier for you. Only your determination & strength will save you in this time - believe me - Nobody, nothing else will! I am not merely giving you lectures - I have tried & tested this approach. Which part of US you live. Do you want to get in touch with me, if that helps. Let me know. Ritika replied. First of all, honestly, I do not want to be the reason or the inspiration for you to take this decision simply because I won't be any where around you to help you face the challenges & struggle this decision of yours will bring for you. I just wanted to give you my point of view & honest opinion.

Now, you have to think, for yourself - not for your parents or for any one. I know, it must be a very difficult time for you. I totally understand how you are feeling about your parents reaction to all this but I think, parents too will be even more sad to know what you went through & that you are thinking of going through all that all over again just to be a \";Happy Bride\";. You have to think in the right perspective - by not letting your decision affected by anyone else.

I have seen examples of girls who grew up in India refusing to compromise to this extent, just to maintain the status of being a happily married girl. Even Indian girls have now become aware of what they really want in life & the fact that one should not allow oneself to be a victim of such a circumstance.

But this should be your decision as only you know the situation truely & completely. Let me know what you think. Ritika replied. I am really surprised. Being raised in a country like America, I think, you should not even have given a single thought of going back to him. It's good that you have played smart & have somehow managed to escape from that horrible situation you were in. The sooner you will accept the fact that your marriage is/was a failure, the better it will be for you. You have to be strong & never allow yourself to be abused again. Let me know what you think about my views. Anu replied. I agree to amit.....U better don't meet him again...Just get a lawyers advice and get rid of him and soon as possible.
I was just wondering that what made him change all of a sudden.....was he ok for 2 years??
amit replied. Well, this is a very dificult scenario, as of now I dont see reasons for you to go back to be abused!

I will write again, running short of time. Hope you do get some good advice from people here as well as a lawyer!

amit