Relationships  Discussion Forum

HI everyone, I need anyones honest opinion, regarding my feeling.when I got married, I paid lots(in lakhs) of dowry, (I know it's wrong, but it's very common in our custom, & my parents forced me, I didn't have any other way to confront them).& my in-laws spend every penny of it on building new house for them & also my bil took some part of it.but my in-laws are not well to do.since my husband is earning good, he has to send money for their expenses.& also my married sil(with kids) stays with my in-laws .sometimes when they ask money I feel like they are trying to grab money from us, & also I get feeling my in-laws are giving money to my sil.and my mil & sil's behavior towards me is not good(jealous). that makes me more anger,& suspicious.I know it is our duty to look after our in-laws but, same time i feel like our hardworking money should not be wasted for wrong purposs.my husband tells it is his money & he is earning he can give it to anyone he wants.what should I do?. just do it! replied. Dear Anusha,
I can understand how you feel when your loved ones (your parents and your husband) give money to someone you are not very fond of(your in laws etc). But you should understand how your husband feels about it. He has been raised and brought up by his parents with all that they had ( maybe it was not much but it was all they had). They loved your husband and sacrificed their own comforts to provide the best for their son. Now when your husband is in a good position due to his good fortune and hard work he wants his parents and sister to be comfortable as well. I think it is perfectly natural and correct on the part of your husband. However your husband should not go overboard and start sending all your savings or most of your savings to his parents. There should be a balance in his mind about taking care of your future and present needs as well.
And I think you need to talk out the whole issue with your husband, while keeping an open mind about his feelings towards his parents.
All the Best! Me replied. I disagree with the so called \";solver\";. You can't simply give others money, thinking that they will use it for good purposes only. Why don't you give us all in this board some money. We will use it for good only. (That was just a joke) Its your sweat for gods sakes. A married couple would be struggling to make money, unless they are some underground business fundas. So you should track the way the money you earned goes.

See, anusha's family had already given lakhs of moey as dowry. What the hell is their problem? They should have put that money in bank in her name or her husbands name. Its not wise to spend dowry money for their purposes. Its okay to send a sum every motnh to home, since they might be needing money for daily things. But what is the deal with lakhs? Anusha and husband, they too will have a dream of their own home, they might be needing money in future.

Anusha, talk this out with your husband. Tell him what you feel. It might be true that HE is earning. But now that you two are married, BOTH have the right on that money. So you can tell him, I am your wife, I care about us! So I need to know why you are sending out this much money.

ORRRR...You can sit back and say \";Its just money. Money comes .Money goes.\";

Good Luck!
solver replied. If your ILs are not asking you for more money since you have already given them dowry then rest in peace. Your ILs must be only asking for money. Do they try to control you for anything else ? You say that the money should not be used for wrong purposes. Your ILs used it for building a house and not for drinking alcohol, gambling or any other dirty things. So rest in peace. For what did your bil use some of the money ? Your ILs may not be well to do but as long they are not drunkards, gamblers or any other sort then you need not worry. I think your parents might have recognised their good qualities and would have forced to give dowry and get you married. If you are not working then start looking out for a job and enjoy your life with that money.

Ritika replied. I think, your husband's view point is not correct. I think, his first & foremost responsibility & priority after getting married should be YOU like it is for you as well. I strongly believe in EQUALITY as in today's world there is no difference in the way parents raise their son & daughters. So without your consent your husband should not be sending money to your in-laws. I think, you should put your foot down & try to make him understand, how this can affect your future lives & relationship. Every husband realizes this and eventually comes to his wife but they do that so late, that wife's youth just passes in struggling with these stupid issues with in-laws. You just have to try to make your husband understand this.