Relationships  Discussion Forum

HI frds,

I am quite regular to this board... and sometimes giving my opinions also to quires posted here....

Vaisay I am quite head strong girl... fighiting with MIL and SIL is nothing new at my house.... and whenever there is a fight.... i handle situation very well.... MIL & SIL know may sunaa dongi unhay...

BUT problem here is that my MIL has develeoped a habit from the begning that my hubby should kiss her in mor and eve every day...... which i find really irritating...

NOW situation at my home is that my hubby kisses her mom in mor before going to office than in eve when he goes to meet her mom in eve after coming from office than at night when he is coming from there to upstairs (we live upsatirs seperate kitchen).......

when i saw this kissing drama there than i told my hubby to kiss me too every mor....... which he forgets every days.... or if he is happy than he hugs me thats it.....

yesterday i asked him in the eve did u kissed me today? he said oh i forgot... than he kissed me... when i asked ... u never forget to kiss ur mother 3 tms a days but how come u forget to kiss me..... than he said \" socho...\" and went from from there..... he thinks his mom is saint and i always fight with her.... all mumma' s boy think like this...

Today mor he didn' t kiss me neither huged me instead or that he huged/kissed our baby boy in a way of show off to me

in last three years i pointed out this thing to my MIL than what is this nonsense ... but they dont listen at all

NOW even she has started this drama to my 1 yrs old son...... my sons know how to touch feets but she insists on kissing her.....

what shall i do.... i have noproblem in saying my MIL that i want my son to learn to touch feets instead of kissing elders.... BUT shall i say this..... she know i dont like this and doing all this to irritae me...

how to handle hubby on this problem...... what shd i do?? is anybody else facing this prob... pls help....
hh Smriti replied. It definitely seems annoying with such acts of hubby and MIL. It’s all a matter of perspective. I am no different then you all and it happened with me as well.

Just after few months of our marriage, my ILS came to visit us. Before, ofcourse, my hubby used to be very lovable and all, even in front of my cousins/ friends etc, but when my IL' s were here, it seemed like they are the only thing that matters to him. I used to feel lonely and left out coz as soon as I used to arrive at home after work, it was all about oh my son has come back from work, oh he might be tired n all. The only time he got with me was night time, and it seemed as if I am just a night partner. He would not even hold my hands in front of them, forget about kissing. We had a habit of eating together from the same plate, but it took of a turn. My MIL started using my hubbys left over’s and started eating in his plate. I have discussed couple of times with him and he says the same thing like values, culture etc. I understand that values matter and our culture donot allow the close proximities especially in front of families, but why are we living under superficial world? Before my IL’s arrived, I had discussed that with my Hubby and he was at that time, totally open to thought of expressing and being the way he was. But when I saw a switch, I asked him the reason. His reasoning was that- he didn’t realize until they were here that it was a very awkward situation to hold me in front of them. It was difficult for him to take that step.

After talking- I was comfortable and understood, what he felt and respect him. All it matters to me- is his love and care, and I don’t expect him to show PDA (public display of affection) just to prove that. I imagine, we females do want that, but not on the extent of paying off and bothering our happy families.

Well I do understand that hubby is their son but then, we are not snatching their son from them either.
mehak replied. Hi hh,
many ppl here are advicing u to stop having such foolish thoughts.they r right in their wise ways.
ppl lets just see this from the viewpoint of a wife.her hubby' s parents do not like her n vice versa.fights r common in the household.hubby dear never forgets to pay kissing regards to dear mom but forgets to do the same to the wife even after her pointing this out. mil knows this irritates her dil.so , she uses are motherly status to irritate dil all the more with this kissing thing thrice a day.wont u feel the dil is in akward situation ? she sees hubby-mil showering kisses religiously every day but longs her hubby to treat her the same way.it' s she who is managing his household n raising his kid.i feel for this woman. The problem lies with hubby, either he should stop kissing mommy or he should show affection to wife also not necessarily in front of his parents.
hh, some men never grow up even after becoming a dad themselves they continue to act like a toddler in mom' s lap.
though i m not in such situation but i can understand how creepy n irritating their behaviour must be appearing to u.there is nothing u can do if ur grown up family members decide to act kiddish just to disturb u.
my advice to u is to ignore mil, shez doin it purposefully, making married son kiss her all the time.she wants u to turn green with envy which i think is happening also.
rearrange ur life. donot make ur mil-hubby-sil the center of ur existance.manage ur house well, raise ur kid brilliantly, develope new skill/hobbies, make new friends or do social work. learn n condition urself to ignore this kissing drama.lingering on it everyday will rob ur peace of mind.let them continue, instead focus ur energy on other worthwhile things.
its not difficult.good luck. The One replied. I seriously can’t stop laughing these all women are not living a real life but living a movie life. Living with a husband and fighting with in-laws and expecting their husband to kiss in front of his parent.

Get a life, stop being some teenage. If he is kissing his mother what’s the big deal? He is sleeping with you at night, having sex with you satisfying you and working hard for you. Mama’s boy huh? What are you then? Do you show love to your mother and father? Don’t you kiss your father and mother on occasion? When you are being ignored for small thing you create big issue. I have never seen a man saying oh my wife’s in-laws are pain I fight with them all the time. I know he is not living with them but still if you want you can adjust with your in-laws, ignore their comments or their foolish behavior. Don’t answer them and it will stop there!

Stop complaining that he is not giving me a kiss, it is not our culture to kiss at all but we adopted the western culture to give a kiss before leaving the house. This is a respect he is giving to his parent by not kissing you in front of them, that’s our culture. Everyone knows what you do behind the door at night or during day time on weekend but no one either your in-laws or your parent is going to ask you “so how were the night? Did you guys have good sex? What position you did?”

When my mom comes from India to US I don’t kiss my wife in front of her because it is not proper, there is nothing bad either. I give her a kiss when my mother is not here! But she never complains: “oh you don’t kiss me when your mother is here” If you think he is not giving you a kiss why don’t you give him a kiss? Why he has to do it? No one is stopping you to kiss him. If you give him a kiss he is not going to freak out. But no! Your ego comes in the play then, if I kiss I am his slave etc.

Stop complaining like 10 years old, get out of that stupid movie imaginary life. Its move and they get paid for that stupid thing they do on screen. Why don’t you go with your husband in rainy night and sing a song while running around tree?


sandya replied. PPL, please get a life instead of thinking about trivial things and spoiling your head. I was LOL so badly that i need a drink of water now.

Unless your husband kisses your MIL on the lips or something to this effect, there is nothing abnormal in doing what he is doing and neither is something wrong with a grown man to lie in his mothers lap for comfort. I' am a woman of 30 and i would love to sleep with my mother in her lap. Your issue with your husband not being affectionate to you in public is a different issue. So, don' t relate the two of them. For all you know it is all about passion. A newly wed couple do a lot of things that a 10 yr old married couple don' t. Go figure. A man and woman change as they get more comfortable with each other in their life. No one remains the same. It' s called life and try to deal with it.

I hate this preaching but lets talk about something more meaningful and substantial. xxx replied. Next time your parents visit shower your dad with kisses in front of dh and ILS. Tell your startled dad that this is the culture in my sasuraal so dd please accept the new me!
Irrespective of how dh feels keep kissing dad. friend replied. I don' t have ans to your ques but here is my story my husband also goes to her mother (when she was visiting us for 6 month, she come every year to us for 6 month) and lie down in her lap and she will do her massage and treat him as he is 1Yr old. and some time in night also he will sleep with her. before she was here My husband use to kiss me everymorning before going to office, once his mother was here he stopped that. and when she left I asked him that why don' t you kiss me anymore his reply was don' t be American!!!!! Hmmm. Kissing a wife is a american thing I did' nt know that.and that also he realised after his mother visited us.