Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi,
I read so many posts and I felt i am facing all these situations..My mil who is very dominant and my husband who just neglects me and takes care of his parents and bro' s..(one of them is married). I found all mil' s are almost same but i have to bear her everyday.Mine is an arranged marriage..and after 3-4 mnths she wanted a flat that my hubby booked on her name..when I and my hubby was going to pay for it..Not a single penny from in-laws.And when i tried to raise this issue she created a big fight..filled my husbnd' s ear..and i had to leave the house..Then i ws in hospital..but they visited me just once..i clled them but she didn' t let me talk to him nor did he want to talk..My parents went to their house.but she sent them bck.She said i vil have to live according t her rules. Nor vil i get the flat. And till today..3 yrs now...i am givin all my salary..not directly for the flat..but it gets spent...my fil doesn' t work..mil is a housewife..my 2' nd BIL stays out of India..They escaped sayin tht he got insulted in this fight..3' rd BIL said he vil commit suicide if the flat is not made on his moms name.And my husband was least bothered bout me.. i went bck as i didnt want to spoil my sis future..she is yet to get married. I thought a child might get us together..but no...even in pregnancy mil created scenes when my parents came to take me home for delivery..they never let me meet my parents..MIL always shows off how much work she does ..keeps emotionally blkmailing...and my husband..also listens to every word. Today my hubby says we' ll setlle in US bcuz i cant stay with his prnts...But i ' ll have to quit my job and go with him.I have a 1.5 yr old daughter.
My hubby takes good care of her but never says nething against mil even though he understands she is wrong ..even if it is going to affect my daughter..And I really cant put up against mil ne longer..i am just keeping quiet because i know we r going to US after 3/4 mnths. But shd i leave my job and go with him ? Because he uses all my sal but never involves me in expenses..i have to spend money for the furniture but cant suggest things.even for my bedroom....I dont want to describe how cunning and clever my MIL is ...I cant rely on my husband for financial matters also...shd i rely on my husband..quit my job and go with him..i am very scared as he might listen to his mom and I and my daughter wil have to be completely dependent on him.....I desperatley need your advice....







Dia replied. hi introuble,

Think positive and though ur hubby is not telling u directly he is juts trying to lead a peaceful life with u So trying to go USA.U really will have good life there.
Remember one thing...Person that obeys mom' s word surely will have to listen to wife' s words too. It will happen oneday. Wait for that day.Its possible only if u r away from her. So dont think about u loosing present job. u r anyway not having good life though u r earning. Give it a try to new life where u r dependent on him. U mentioned he takes good care of daughter, then he can be a good hubby when he is away frm his cunning mom.

So believe me, Pl give it a try. Be positive and happy after reaching there, and with ur nice behaviour u can win him and he' ll start realising where the justice lying.It happened for many and bless u th same.

Dear, dont worry she can drill him on the phone and he send allthe money. It will never happen .when he as dependants on him, he' ll have responsibility to take care of them so he understand importance of keeping money for his family.
Ok, Lets think she wud drill him (I dont think she can do it more than now .because now he is her presence all the time,so she cando it.) even if he sends money, he' ll have to run family right? do u think he abuse u for ur earning ? i didnt see that charecteristic in him except he is mama' s pet.
So give him a chance to be happy himself with his family(i.e. U and ur daughter) .

aLL THE BEST DEAR,I hope u have peaceful life ahead.
dddd replied. Hey i understand how you feel.this year when my parents were here for very short time to meet my dad' s friend here,my parents gave me some money. Seeing my husband not getting me a credit card or a checking a/c. He and his family talk about being broad minded only for their daughter not for dils.Anyway thats positive in a way now as i have my own a/c and have not included him .I dont work as i am not authorized to.I will get my work permit soon.In b/n after my parents left my husband used to make me spend giving useless expenses like eating out in expensive restaurants or cigarettes.This amount may not be much but when he used to spend he used to count pennies.And last year when we lived separate his dad told me my husband is spending so much money on me and i am eating sitting at home.My in laws dont spend any money and expect everybody to spend money on them.They are stingy to the core.So i didnt give my husband much.If i lose that money he will never say i spent it on him,but will say i dont know how to manage money. This from a person who has 25k in loans after earning in US for 8 yrs and not having any assets like home .You by now must now what is necessary expense and what is not required.Dont worry you will get a job.If you dont find one in software u can try customer service or help desk.I will probably do a customer service job too when i get my permit.
See how it goes for month or two and then you will know about how your husband will be in US.
Best of luck.Post back. dddd replied. hey this is a golden opportunity. Run while you can . See relationship with in laws cannot be fixed.especially like your mil. My fil and sil are like that.But i dont need to deal with them everyday as I also live in US.See you are a smart woman.You are holding a job. So you must have had good amount of experience. You will get a job in US easily.
Maybe your husband felt your marriage will work better if you guys move away from in laws.He is making an effort. So it might be a good idea for your marriage and your own self to move to US.Isnt it a blessing if your husband says you cant stay with his parents and hence he and you can move away to live separately.believe me i know as my in laws drive me nuts on the phone and when i visit India.
As far as your daughter there are good day care facilities here. If you want to work you can enroll her in one.After getting a job set terms with your husband and as friend suggested open a separate a/c and put your pay in it. Also while coming from india see to it that you are not on a dependent non work authorization visa. i am and wish i had thought thru this when i got married.
best of luck and post back. Take care of you and the baby. friend replied. My suggestion is you should go to us, if you are in software field you will easily find a job there. I can understand your situation, How far these MIL can go. T least you Us you will have your own personal time but make sure when you find a new job there open a seprate bank aacount. Good luck and get out of that house and live happily in U.S.