Relationships  Discussion Forum

I would start this post by saying My mom is a gr8 lady but she has taken it upon her to worry abt not just her children but her brothers,sisters,their kids etc etc.
I donot have a problem with it but she loves to drag me in to all her worries which I hate !!

I am her daughter who is married and has a son . I myself lead stressful life trying to balance home and work. I have my own share of worries like my work,searching school for my son (which was a nightmare) , hubbys office tensions,inlaws, maids etc etc

Now to add to all this , My mom comes home with her worries abt how her sisters daughter is not getting good proposals,how her brothers son has got less marks in exams or how my brother argues with her and on and on. List is endless. If I do not pay attention to her while she is talking abt it, she gets upset and sits with one long, sad face making me feel terrible.
But I too have a limit to take things !! I feel burdened with all this nonsense ...

Now comes my brothers problems. He is a stubborn, adamant but brainy guy and works for a big MNC.
He is quiet capable of taking care of himself but mom feels other way ...She wants him to get married ..he doesnt want to and feels its too soon .. So every other day they end up arguing and again my mom sits with a sad face and asks me to talk to him ..that only results in me arguing with my brother and spoiling my day ...

I feel so overwhelmed by all this , my head and heart starts to ache ....

I have told my mom a 100 times .. let the world go to dogs .. You think abt urself and dad. Dont keep worrying and cribbing when God has given it all ! But NO .. no matter what I say this seems to be her nature !!! she gets angry and says I have become a Mean person not worried abt fellow human beings !!! I just donot understand this !!!

I feel she is bent upon making me like her, A person- worrying & feeling sad for no reasons !!

Today is my Bday and we had usual arguments with my brother .. and my day is gone for a toss.
Hubby wants us to go out for dinner but I just want to go home and sleep ....


How do I create a protective shield around me so I am not influenced by all this !!!

Any body has some exp to share ??

Thanks,
Anon
swati replied. dear anon,
first of all wish u a very happy B' Day.
i' m exactly facing the same problem as yours.its ur mom who is troubling u, but in my case it is my dad.i dont have my mom.i lost her at a very young age.my dad exactly does the same thing as ur mom.he keeps worrying about the whole world,especially his sisters & their kids.but they give a damm about my dad.they just use him ,but my father doesnt understand.whenever i speak to my dad, that sad tone comes up & he starts speaking about his loneliness & other' s problems.even i' m so tired of all these as i' m married now & have my own problems to deal with.dont know how to handle this.i' ve tried my best to make him understand to deal with his own business, but he doesnt.
i was about to post this problem here & then saw ur query which is exactly the same as mine.i' m really looking forward to receiving some help from this board.
take care
swati

Ritika replied. First of all a very, very Happy Birthday to you!!!

Because you are so stressed out, it is even more important that you go out with your husband in the evening and have a relaxed dinner. If you go home, you' ll end up moping and feeling even more stressed out.

Secondly, when your mom tries to drag you into talking to your brother - just refuse...tell her that your brother will listen more if she and you give him a break. Tell her that if she keeps harping at him and forcing you to do the same, he might rebel and marry somebody neither of you like....so it is time to back off...

There are all kinds of people in this world and your mom seems to be a worrier...she feels better when she worries about people because of her motherly nature...plus she might be sitting at home all day and needs to have a conversation with you...talking to you might be soothing for her...

What you can do is when she next comes to your place, keep talking about other stuff...and your problems...if she starts talking abt other people' s problems...you can hear her for 2-3 minutes and then corelate the event to something happening in your life and then change the subject...

If yr mom insists on worrying, then tell her that her stress level is going to go up and her BP might increase...which is not good for her...tell her to read a good magazine or book /watch a nice movie...talk to any of her friends etc...basically she needs to do something with her time...

maybe she can go and visit her relatives for a change..or go out for a movie with you and yr son...something nice and happy...

take care and all the best... dia replied. Dear Anon,
Pl dont take me worng but the problem is ur mom is thinking u the same daughter she had before ur marriage. She is not realising that u really somewhere stuckup with ur responsibilities .


she just want to share her feelings with u. U can just listen to her if not involving in thoer matters. Dont arge with ur brother by her force. but just listen to her without avoiding her telling things to u.
Even my hubby doesnt like sharing others sarrows and agonys but I never blame him for it and stopped myself frm telling things that hurt him.So I just share them with mom.

But ur mom, after leading this lonng life, she cant change her attitude , She cnat share all these with any other than daughter. Only u shd understand her feelings and talk at her side . That relieves her alot. Dont try to avoid the topic which makes her sad. Just listen to her and say some soothing words.

Remember U can' t change her attitude without huritng her. So try to change urself.And pretend to accept what she says.