Relationships  Discussion Forum

iam posting this message as am very much disappointed & getting frustrated with my hubby' s nature. though he is kind otherwise, when it comes to serious matters like finance or family he somehow have created an atmosphere for me that i dont feel open to tell my thoughts.
Also i feel he is not discussing with me all matters of life. Though i feel that my thoughts are genuine, i dont feel comfortable in opening up. This leads to frustration within me. Though if i open up sometimes when it goes out of my control, he has never taken anything in right sense. There wud be a cold war between us for few days which irriates me & hurts me. Finally again there wud be a major fight at the end and we wud start the normal life. but that major fight again is not convincing for both of us. Am sure both of us are not convinced with wht the others say. He gets tempered very fast and starts using bad words which irritates me and that wht leads to the major fight. Never during any arguments he stopped using bad words. So more than the arguing matter, am deeply hurt by those words and try to hurt him back instead of an healthy argument and my hatred towards him is increasing. Wht all i expect is there cud b diff of opinion between couple(as we are different people) but wanted an healthy argument instead of using filthy ones like an illeterate. I have told him so many times to stop such languages, which he never listens to.......

Iam tired of his character. Moreover sometimes he accepts wht i say without a 2nd word...but wud have had something n mind which he wud not open up tht moment. He wud pinpoint me the same incident after few months or few yrs and say he dint agree to wht i said. I personally feel that my distance is growing away from him. But i really want him. How do i really make him understand my love, i really make him understand my love. I feel being patient & being accepting wht all he says is nto the correct thing. Each individual has their own thinking. My expectation is to just have a healthy way of living. Itz not correct to hide our feelings just because the opponent may not agree. Shld tell it out openly and come to a conclusion. Correct me if am wrong. dddd replied. Hey you are a smart sensible woman. Let me tell you from being married for almost 5 yrs. This is common.My husband is slightly on similar lines. I live in US. So its not like we are in joint family. Thank God. My inlaws have drilled it in his brain that women shud be lying in husband' s feet and not raise voice.So my husband too doesnt tell me any of important things like money management or interaction with his parents.My in laws are like that only with DIL but they have a daughter my SIL who runs the show in in laws house and her in laws house too. She shud be working and be independent but not DILs.My husband used to use foul language with me. But now over the years i have made him reduce it to quite a lot. You shud use tactive approach to it. Here i have taken some stern action against him abusing me emotionally . SO now he has reduced it. You need to first try to tell him you feel hurt when he does it. If it doesnt work take a tuff approach.Sometimes we need to do it for husbands to realize few things.
Also you didnt mention how long you are married?If you are newly married (1-2 yrs) neglect it . If more and still continuing you shud do something.Also do you live in a joint family or nuclear?It will help if you mention that in suggesting ways to deal with it.
Post back. Dont get sad or hurt when he does it. Becoz then they will increase it. My husband used to do it. After few times i used to neglect him and continue to do something i was doing before.then he reduced it.
Best of luck. Post back.