Planning a Baby  Discussion Forum

Married for seven years- we were in USA and did not try to conceive for 5 years- my hubby insisted we shd wait till we are settled in our jobs. Till then his parents never told us to have kids. Then after 5 years, we decided to try. In 1st attempt I got preg but it was an Ectopic Pregnancy and I had a ruptured tube and surgery. That was 2 years ago. Since then(exactly same year) my inlaws started telling me- u shud have kids now, we want grandkids- its been so many years of ur marraige. My hubby also started believing that I am incapable of concieving. He tells me we tried for so long and u were unable to have kids. Then came the worst part. Becoz of career probs and also maybe my prob., he decided to move to India for good. We came last year and have been here since. So now at every gathering (and there are countless), I am asked about my family plans, my problems in concieving, etc. My career is destroyed because of all the psychological pressures. My inlaws don't leave a chance at narrating the out of the world experiences of all their other relatives who have become grandparents. I ahve no friends because everyone of my age group has kids so they find nothing in common with me. We are trying to concieve since the past couple of months but its not much fruitful. I feel like the biggest loser.
Thats my story... Vids replied. Hi Julie,
I'm also like u.. was in the US and I was in H4, that time husband was not interested in having a baby, my husband also decided to move to india 3 yrs back, we came back and I had to bear criticisms, questions, advices etc etc.. did a few tests to finally conclude nothing is wrong with both us. In laws are ok,but still feel really out of place... My husband is very hesitant for treatments....I'm only hopeful that God will hear my prayers sometime soon. Its very comforting to read messages from u all,keep mailing Vidya replied. Hi Julie,

I am from the OCT 03 and Aug 05 ( now mostly July 05) board. Was in a similar situation. Frequently check this board to comfort people like you. I know there are not many people who understand ectopic pregnancies.

Be postive, worries and tension only make it difficult to concieve. I know hoe badly u feel. But I want u to know that everything will be ok. My first one was an ectopic. The tube ruptured and went into immediate surgery. I escaped death very narrowly. Now 3 yrs after I have 2 beautiful kids, a boy and a girl. So be brave, relax and pray..pray.....pray....

Vidya pari replied. hey julie, i know wot u r going thru. its not always easy. i logged in to put up my story on this board but then i saw urs and thought i would reply to this first. u know there is always an end to every tunnel...so things will get better...definitely. try reading the book, 'the infertility survival guide' by Judith C. Daniluk. i got this one because i had got really frustrated with people who kept pestering me. no one likes being asked that question, still those people who have not faced that probs even dont understand that. im in usa currently. i came here only to escape nosy indians..but we have indian circle here as well...u know, from certain things there is absolutely no escape...so just hang on. maybe after reading the above book u will think that at least someone understands u so well but even then the suggestions that they give in response to such questions dont appeal to me...u may or may not like them. u may learn to form ur own responses to such questions. the thing that we need to keep our sanity and relationships at this time is suitable defence mechanism. have hope and log in whenever u feel like it.we are here for u.
lots of baby dust on all of us,
love,
pari. Sunshine replied. Believe me, more than 90% of us on this board can identify with what you are saying... Though I have very good in-laws.. I too face similar problems... My hubs wants to take a break from TTC and I have constant pressure to concieve.. I was supposed to go for an IUI 3 months ago, but due to my hubs non-cooperation movement, that's not happening..And everyone keeps telling me.. Thankfully, my best friend who has kids of her own is my rock... She supports me like crazy..Without her and this board I would have been down in the brinks of major depression..
I can only say this Julie, stay strong, concentrate on yourself. Your health, your peace of mind. Like Kshama and Karish have said, go see an infertility specialist... and take a stand in your house. Be loud, be bold and be clear, else these people will always take pleasure in stamping over your feelings. Tell your husband this nonsense has to stop. Tell him to visit and infertility specialist with you. Draw a line. I'm sure God is with you.
Take care...
And please talk to us whenever you feel like. We're here for each other.
Take care,
Much love,
- Sunshine
kshama2 replied. Hi Julie,

I truly understand what u r goining though. Even i have lost one tube and undergone surgery there are problems with my other tube also. Even i have been tryin through 2 years.

They have no rights to blame u, U did conceieve two years. And morever they were not intrested in trying for first 5 years of marriage, so it not u'r problem that u have concived for those years.
i really understand what u r going through b'coz i'am also sailing in the same boat.
Do focus on u'r career now don't bother others.
I strongly suggest u to consult infertility specialist to check if u'r another tube is proper, based on that go ahead with treatment doctor would suggest u. Do not neglect this, consult infertility specialist.

luv
kshama
karishma replied. sorry 2 hear u dear.

I can very well understand wat u r going thru.

Pls. stay Positive. Try to meet up with gynac and discuss ur problems. Things shud definitely work for u dear and also for everyone in this board!!!

Pls. play cool and take ur husband to ur confidence and tell him to understand ur emotions.

Pls. write back as and when u feel dear. We are all here to give u the much needed support and courage.

luv always

Karishma