Relationships  Discussion Forum

I am 30 yrs old and got married when I was 28. The delay in my marriage happened coz I was pursuing my career.

As soon as I got married, there was a in-laws pressure as usual to have kids. But at that time, neither my hubby nor I was prepared. Slowly but gradually that motherly instincts crept in me and by the time, I turned 29- I wanted to get into motherhood. By books and whatever information I have gathered, everyone says one should start a family before 30. But my hubby doesn’t even want to come close to the topic of kid discussion. Ours is a very close case of “Nine months” movie. I figured out, that he feels that kids will bring a lot of responsibility and will take away his independence. I understand that it is true, but for how long can we postpone? He says that he doesn’t even want to hear the word ‘baby’ from my mouth for another 2 years. Which makes me scared all the more. By 2 years I will be touching 32. And scientifically or biologically, it becomes tough to conceive. Even when I say all these things, he will start quoting people who conceive at 40 and beyond. Well bottom-line is, it is hard for me to convince, rather speak out my desire in front of him. My hubby tries to deviate the topic when other asks, and I keep quiet.

I am pretty nervous as friends around me (of same age) have more then one baby now and moreover I am afraid that if the way it keeps on going – my children and I would have a big enuff gap.

Am I thinking too much? What should I do? Please help as I cant speak about this topic to anyone 
Priya replied. I got married when I was 28, gave birth to my son when I was 30. Same like your case, I came under the pressure of my family. But 2 more years should not be a problem. Specially for women who has regular periods and good health. But please try to avoid any abortions.. Because once you have abortion, you may have problems in conceiving. I am not a doctor, it is what generally seen. Take care and enjoy ur life with hubby, life takes a major turn when you have a baby... it is a completely different world with ur bundle of joy.. chi replied. Hey...another 2 years should be okay! My co-sister had her first baby when she was 34. You just have to take good care of your health and ofcourse beauty :) Enjoy this time of freedom, roam around with your hubby, travel to lots of places...' coz after the baby travelling and seeing places becomes tough. Aarushi has given you good ideas too.
For your reassurance, consult with a doctor and speak about it. Another thing that you' ve to take care is the method of contraception...this should not be causing any side effects. Feel free to discuss about this with your doctor.
Aarushi replied. Hey Mona,

I have no idea which books you have read but in most cases they advise 35 yrs (and not 30 yrs)...so you are still ok...plus if you are healthy and take good care of yourself, you wont have any problems conceiving or taking care of your baby, believe me...

I had a baby when I was 34...and I am very happy...no medical problems at all..had a healthy pregnancy..a great experience...so no need to get nervous...

Just develop a good bond with your husband..stop talking on this topic for a while..give both him and you a break...if you keep on talking abt this with him, it might not work but just irritate him...raise this topic after say 6 months...or 10 months...try to visit friends who have just had babies...ones you can cuddle and all...see his reaction...it might take a while to bring him round to it...but once he gets the baby bug, he' ll be hooked...:)

All the best...