Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi everybody,
I am married for 3 years and have a cute little daughter.My hubby is very well educated and is caring and responsible.First of all i realised just after my maarige that he has got a sadistic attitude. He likes when i am crying or u can say ,he never tries to console me when i am upset or broke.He cannot see me happy for long .we have never disscussed any of our problem like two adults.Wheather it be in laws problem, or attitude problem. He is a dedicated son.In his first letter he wrote me that his priorities are his parents , his brother and will never change.I thought it as an immature act but this was the reality.How irrational his parents might be he never opposes them. He never wants to talk abt any problem. Whenever i start , he starts shouting , yelling and throwing things, and even tries to be physical.He spends a lot of time at home , but we never talk abt any issues. He just dont wants to listen anything. My parents love him , respect him but he always ignore them.
All this is killing my love and respect for him.
I cannot feel for him the way i used to. i have spent nights crying and grieving but all unheard.I know crying is no solution but i cant help. I was working on a good position before my baby, but she is too young (8 months) to be left alone. my inlaws can stay with me but i feel choked with them . My position in my house after leaving my job has become worse .I am loosing all my confidence and sometimes feel like dying or running somewhere. nisha replied. dear tannu,
first take care of yourself. Being a indian girl this a very hard task-when we are brought up to think of ourseves last. Do you think you can start taking some classes? A higher faith system -belief in a power above ours. Next, you have to accept the fact that you canot change your hushabd. the chance has to come within himself. Be confident . If he gets angery at something or other do not surcome to his pressures to make you cry. Say a joke or just smile and walk away. You don't want it to be a violent or physical relationship. Confidence is something that comes from within and what God provides. This sis something that no human can take away. This may be personnal,--however I would advise to think before having another child with your hubby for a while--than you will just have another little one and be in the same situation. Be patient, smile, and your time will come. Be asserative. The crying --poor me game won't work. I am not talking about seperating from your hubby. we can talk later if you want .
good luck kiddo.
nis. anu replied. dear megha and heena,
thanks you very much for yr advices.I am feeling good as at least there is someone who can listen to me. I have never disclosed my problems with anyone ,not even my closest freinds as i feel that dignity of my husband will be hurt. I cannot take help from my parents as my inlaws and also my hubby will object. They dont even like when they visit me. My MIL has even insulted my mom .I cannot see my parents insulted from anyone. They all(My inlaws) look very modern, and cultured but from inside they are same as uneducated villagers.
friens I am reallly lossing my confidence and patience.I used to be a very lively person before all this happenned to me. I cannot think of seperation as i love my hubby very much. I cannot think my life w/o him.I want to work again but wont sacrifice my baby needs .I trust in my god and maybe he will help me some day .
It was really nice to hear from you friends.Vaise i am staying in India only.Thnaks once again.Pls do comment on my this message .It will confort me a little. megha replied. whatever heena said ... is halfway ok.. but I dont agree for divorse, divorse should be the last option,
I know u can not change u r hubby but dont cry and be confident If he does not want to disscuss u also keep quite..
but being a mother of 8 months baby... I suggest u to takeup job again I dont know where do u stay.
because I stay in India, i got one maid from my native place and she takes care of the baby..
and ofcourse my father also stays with me to support..If u have parents u can ask hem to come
and If u dont really have any help from u r parents also no problem keep one maid to take of baby and
leave both in baby sitting.. u r kid can play with other kids and she will be safe..
about u r inlaws everybody's inlaws are same.. so dont bother about them.. if u work u never get chance to think
all these things u will be busy and dont even realise how days will go.. I am working and mother of 8 months..
I never get chance to think anything else..as u said u r husband is caring and responsible..
no one in this world is perfect.. everybody will have some diffects.. we have to adjust , adjust
when it comes out of tolerance then u can really think of seperation but its not solution becuase u r kids future also
be effected.. so mydear sister be bold, be confident and face the situation..
I wish u all the best in u r life.. heena replied. dear taanu
hi i am heena.
first of all it was sad to read ur story.
see u know what ur husband is. he never bother u when u cry so dont cry and be bold.
secondely if u feel that he doesnt care about u then have a talk with him and if he doesnt listen do one thing that talk to ur parents. now it is a modern society. whatg will ur child have an impact whedn she grows up she will see this everydahy fight? u come back to ur parents if wverything is in vein t explain ur husband. u can leave the child with ur paretns after she is a year old and t ke a job too if u feel like. may be u can find a good match too.