Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi..im very depressed these days... my mom came to take care of me 2 months before my expected due date as me n my husb live in blore ,inlaws in delhi..my mil and fil reached us 15 days before my expected due date. My mil is working n every day she wud tell me that she is losing a 500 bucks per day bcos of her leaves frm office and that im still not delivering..i used to ignore first but it contd..till i delivered. she did not inform my mother , husb and fil at home when i was taken to labour room until i delivered after 3 hrs of pain..though i always wanted my husb near me at this time..then in hosp and back at home she always tried to keep my husb away frm me all the time she was with us. I wasnt keeping myself fit so i dinn want to get into any argument in this matter but when i started noticing that she had started insulting my mom in the kitchen or in general regarding very small issues like use of washing powder..fruits and sm very stupid minute things..i got disturbed. My mom' s intention was jst to help her in the kitchen or in gen house hold wrk but she always found issues to insult her and then complain to my husband...i dint knw that she was speaking to my husb against my mom...slowly arguments started between me and mil because i could not tolerate her behaviour towards my mom..This all was happening when i needed full mental and physical rest and i was with my little infant jst born..i used to cry day n night and my mom wanted to go back to our home but my in laws had a prob then too that y she wud go like that and in fact they blamed my mom to have insulted them.. my mother was speechless during the whole scene that lasted for about 1 and half months .. then finally we all came to our native place together...accept my husband. During these 1 1/2 mnths my mil distanced my husb frm me..she used to give him water,dinner, breakfast everthing in a room other than mine' s adn even if he was with me she used to call him up separate..she even asked him many times what i used to discuss with him..well he dinn tell anything to her but he dint also say her not to interfere. i kept telling my husb y donn u tell her straight not ask our personal matters whatever it may be..but he declined my suggestion saying that anyways im not teling her..but i know my mil..she is very cunning nad my husb is very simple in this regard he doesnt understand these things..and in fact may follow what his mother will say..he never asked his mom not to say anything about my mom..this frustrated me more n more and i also started blurting foolishly to mil in front of husb...she took advantage of this and told my husb that this is the way i always talk to her..where as it was never the same..my husb scolded me in front of her finally my husb was frustrated t oo bcos my mil wud say smthing and i wud say smthing...now we are back to our place but mil still calls him up and speaks against my parents and me..i have stopped calling(speaking to) my mil and fil in delhi since the day im back here...she complains to my husb abt this and he fights with me..now he has even stopped caring abt me..this brought me into more frustration and i again had a fight with him..now the situation is that he doesnt speak to me nor do i...i just give him the breakfast, he has his lunch in office..i give him the dinner and then he sleeps separate from the room in which i sleep with my kid...he has the reason that bcos of kid his sleep is disturbed and even we cant put on the fan at high speed..... everything is back to zero state..i donn knw how to get back my happy married life..somebody pls give a genuine suggestion.. md replied. Dear mini,
I want to share my experience with u and mine was really very bad but u know life still moves on and everything is taken care of by time.My mom and mil had a fight and u know when ,when i had a still birth at 7th mth.My MIL has a very bad mouth and she was always pointing out that it was all my fault and i could not take care of my baby.For few days my mom kept quiet but atlast she also got angry and said smthng.When everyone left i started realising that my hubby is drifting away.I was not in speaking terms with my in laws and situation here was worsening.They were feeding him with bad things about me and my family.After 2mths i went to my parents and when i came back i found my in-laws here again.In the same house they were making there own food and i was doing mine.It was an awful situaton.I was planning to move out and all ...but somehow didn' t.i remain in my stand ,i also avoided them ,went out with my friends,did everything which usually i don' t do when they are here.And then i found my husband leaning back towards me..may be because i didn' t care them,may be because i was off for sometime,may be he realised that in this way he is going to loose me!!Whatever may be the reason,slowly my inlaws also started speaking to me.I found the reason after some days when mil started pushing me to conceive again.Now they are gone.Situation at home is manageable but u know we don' t speak to each others parents much.I know i have to remain firm and beleive in myself.When u know u r not wrong ,then just do what u think is right.Try to speak to him ,make him understand that u both have to spend ur life together,u have a beautiful kid to be taken care of and u have to make ur marriage work.If he don' t understand, just avoid him (atleast for few days).
Take care,
md. wellwisher replied. Dear Mini ,

I faced the same problem with my husband & inlaws after my delivery . only difference my mother was not there.

The only solution that I canfind for you is that you have to speak tp your husband about all the issues in detail..starting from ur mil not allowing him to be near u at times od delivery to mil insulting ur mother. you have to explain him properly what pain u have gone through . If u cant explain them that verbally , better write a letter & handit over to ur husband .Also keep a copy of letter with urself.
In the letter u also mention that even he has his responsibility towards the kid & also towards you. So just leading an isolated life like that cannot be accepted at all.

There is no point in leading a married life like that .Try in all possible ways to make that clear to him