Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi,
i am not aware of how to start this topic.i have been married for 3 yrs now.my MIL expired before our marriage.my FIL and his mother stay with us only.everything is well with them.it seems my co-sister illtreated them so they are not so much fond of them.this was long before our marriage.keeping that in view my husband fears that i too may behave like her.in everything he compares me with her and if i do any mistake unknowingly he says that i have turned out to behave like her and that i made his life a hell.he always keeps on scolding me for small things.he shouts at me even in front of my parents also.i told him many times not to do so as they will be hurt.but he doesnt listen .this happens only when he loses his temper otherwise he is a very loving and caring person.my prob is i dont do mistakes frequently.he is dependent on me for everything right from making his dress for office till tying shoe lace.i have no prob doing all such duties but if i happen to get late any day in his duties that moment becomes a hell for me.it spoils my whole day as i have noone with whom i can share my feelings with.as the other people only support him saying that he is right always.he doesnt even help me in household chores.if ever i ask him for help he says that i am an useless fellow. i am not knwing how to react to such a situation.plz help me sunshine replied. Hi
I am exactly in the same position u r.I too have 14month old and my husband fears that i will treat him and his family they way his sisters treat there husband and inlaws.I do all the work in the house no help from him but he always call me lazy useless.IF my parents or brother try to speak he simply says they r supporting me and refuse to speak.
I am sitting here without any hope and donno what to do? PS replied. Hi Arundathi,

I think it is time you start replying back to your husband...when he next calls you a useless fellow, tell him in a curt tone that he is the one who is useless..every good husband helps out their wife at home and he is not doing that..he doesnt even take care of the baby sometimes..what kind of a dad is he..he cant even tie his own shoe laces..what kind of a grown up man is he...

When you show your anger and tell him a few home truths...he will also realize that he is not dealing with somebody who is going to just accept everything he says and does...

Dont think too much about what your in laws will think...

I think you have spent enough time being a door mat and keeping all your feelings inside you.. Do NOT be too emotional in front of him since that is not working...try not to cry...just be stern and firm in telling him what you want and where you think he is wrong...

All the Best!! mini replied. hi arundhati..reading ur msg...its very clear that u have pampered ur husband too much by doing each and every small work for him..actually from the very beginning of ur marriage u should not have changed his habits..after all earlier he must be doing all his work himself only..keeping the dress ready and cooking food for him was enough..u have taken too many responsibilities on urself and naturally for a normal human being its difficult to manage everything....then how can u blame urself that u make mistakes..bcos him being late is totally his responsibility..anyways now u cannot change him..and even if u try urself..u will have to bear his anger..
My suggestion is ..does he and u have a common friend who is married too..best idea would be that whenever u get a chance orplan up to visit him/her, spend sometime with the husb and wife friends and let ur husb observe how the male friend helps his wife..and let me tell u ..only 1 visit will not be sufficient..visit as many friends or relatives u know whose male member is helping the wife..spend times with them...Lots of efforts are required for this and if possible plan up with ur friends or relatives whom u trust to bring up such situations in front of ur husb so that he realises..see u r the one who has spoiled him so u have to now put efforts to regain ur respect.
All the best..i know u will do it..just have patience..give time to ur husb..but meanwhile keep trying..and be strong in ur will power.
luv
mini