Planning a Baby  Discussion Forum

this msg is for sanjana, karish, hopingfortejas, kshama, SP, sunshine, padma, leo, simba, hemangi and all others who have read my msgs and who have been there to support me and whom i might have failed to mention. i really wanted to log in earlier but couldnt. i was just too upset. but yes, u guys really give me a lot of support. i wont say it feels good to see other people suffering like me..but it feels good to know there is someone who understands wot im going thru.
3 days back, i cut up my wrist. just had a minor argument with my hubby and i thought that was the safest way to leave the world. no one needs me here. if i consumed some chemical, i could have stayed alive with permanent infertility. nyways, my hubby intervened and applied bandage. it bled a little but not like they show in movies. maybe that was bcoz i had tried cutting it with a razor and not with a blade as we dont have one in our house.
Sanjana, if u are reading this msg, im really thankful for ur reply and it gave me patience and courage. ur case really gives me hope. u know how it feels to see someone from this board go to the expecting board. it feels like my own success.
karish, im really sorry to hear bout ur disappointment. but that happens quite often in wot all of us are facing.
i just logged in to let u guys know of a book im reading currently. its 'the infertility survival guide' by Judith C. Daniluk. it focuses more on the psychological aspects of infertility rather than the medical. and ive read only a few pages but i felt the author really understand wot im going thru. and there are quotes from actual clients who suffered from infertility. try getting it,all of u. i hope it can help us.
SP, wish u the best of journey! may u have the patience and courage to face the questions from ur friends and family! just dont pay too much attention to those things and have a nice vacation.
lots of love and best wishes to all,
pari. Hemangi replied. Pari, I didnt log in for a few days and just saw your message, WHy did you take such a drastic step??? I was soo upset on reading your message. Pls Pls do not ever try this again!! I am soo upset and angry with you. Pari just think what would have been your mom's reaction if she ever found out that her child tried to end her life?? Pari as SP has said nothing is worth ending your life. Your life is too precious and you will give birth to another precious life soon, belive me. God has put you through too many difficult situations, he will defnitely grant your wishes. Pls pari, once again I would like to reiterate - never ever try this again!!

Your friend,
Hemangi
PS: Pls log in and vent out your feelings whenever you are feeling low, we are all there for you always honey. Karishma replied. Y dear such a drastic step??

Pls. for heavens sake dont do such a thing again. I am seriously in tears reading ur mail dear. Pls. dont do so. Our life which is given to us by God and our parents is very precious and its not worth quitting ur life in such a way dear.

As your name suggests, U r a Fairy sent by the heaven above. And God wants all his fairies and angels to b preserved in this world.

Pls. hang in there.

Things are seriously going to work wonders wat with all of us!!

Truck Load of baby dust on u me and all the people in this board.

Karish Always hopingfortejas replied. PArI,

this might sound a little selfish , but seriously we should never even think of ending our lives for anything in thsi world .... nothing is worth that ..

think of all the pains we would be causing to others ....

Dont worry , dear, we would have a baby ...

Keep dreaming , have conviction and your dream would come true ..... :)

Good luck , Pari, remember to enjoy the life God has bestowed on us ...

When you are really down , think of all the good things that has happened in your life ..

As one very wise amn said, when something good happens , do you ever think WHY ME ?? then why tha thought when something bad happens ..??

Goddluck ...and keep posting :)
-P

kshama2 replied. Hi Pari,

How are you now? I hope u are fine now.
Pari never try to end u'r life or even think about that. Its GOD's gift. Try to make u'r life beatiful as it is now. We cannot demand things from GOD, so we should try to be happy with whatever GOD has given us. I know that u know all these things but mind did not listen to u when u were so depressed. Now when u r too depressed just send messages on this board, as many message as possible, we are there for each other as good friends.

So be happy and keep others happy
luv
kshama padma replied.
There's an end to every tunnel, light at the end of every day. Life is just. It balances misery and joy in equal proportions, but doesnt distribute it evenly through your living years...

Your searing pain today is a harbinger of the brilliant love and joy that your baby will give you.

But dear.. Courage and faith are the key, 'coz even after having a baby, life is no cakewalk. (I've been diagnosed with post partum depression, after 1 year of delivery!! I'm an infertility treated mom too and went over board with paranoia about my son's welfare that the entire family thinks i'm bonkers!!)

You are to your parents what your baby will be to you. Dont do anything they'll not want you to.

Hugs
Padma maya replied. Hello Pari,
I just logged on this site and came to know about your status… though I have no authority to command or instruct you but one thing I would like to say that Have utmost faith in the almighty and life would be easy again…
I logged on to this site because I have also gone through the same situation… here is my story goes … after getting married I conceived very early and was on cloud seven but had a miscarriage at 3 months so… then came the real tough tome had to undergone lots of tests, two surgeries, and above all TB in uterus… had to undergone complete isolation and treatment was very difficult … doses very so bad……. Even I tried to end my life on number of times but had to control myself as my hubby love me like anything ….everything was going against me
Then I conceived after five years of marriage that is naturally without any medications and now I am mother of a baby boy
My hubby , friends and my parents, siblings stood by me ( though my MIL called me banjh one day ) ….
I am not exaggerating things but this is what I have gone so bright days will sure come in your life too and I would pray to GOD for your well being and happiness
Take care because you are so precious to your hubby, parents… nothing compares to their love and care … have faith in god my love
Maya
Anu replied. Dear Pari,
I am in state of shocked to read your attempt though can still relate to it. I have read all your messages and have replied to some and can understand what you are going through. However its easy to run away and end your life than to fight it out. I can surely make out you are a courageous soul who has acted as pillar of stregth to most of us. Life is so precious, take care of yourself. trust me I try recalling my tough days when I had cried for hours, but still cant feel the intensity of those days. Thats the beauty of life, when you loose something it compensates much more than that. Have faith in God, he is the controller, and he would not disappoint us in the end, after all even he has to answer us when go up.
Whenever you feel low, shoot back messages on this wonderful board with understanding ladies, u would feel so much at ease. I will also try getting the book you mentioned...
sorry for being so philosphical, just got emotional :-))
Lots of hugs
Take care & dont stress yourself
Anu Sunshine replied. Pari, honey, nothing is worth giving up God's gift for... Remember that this life is not your own, it has been given to you to cherish and use to learn things, grow as a person and a spirit...
If you are not happy with your circumstances, change those! but don't try to end your life! You have no right to do that. When your time comes to move on, you will, but until then it is not upto you to decide that.
If you are not happy with this marriage, or whatever, move out of it. Find something else that fulfils you. Coming from some one who's going through what you are too, let me tell you, being or not being a parent to a child from your own genes is not the end of the world. Try to make the world a better place for someone else, help someone without hope to get some hope, and you will find hope flooding into you. Nurture someone else, but don't deprive the world of a loving person becoz of your circumstances.
Please, pari, NEVER EVER in your life insult God in this manner again. When He has sent you here, it's for a purpose. Your actual purpose may be different from what you think you want it to be. You have to find your real purpose. Not end this way.
Trust God, what happens has a reason!
Take care,
God bless you.
lots of hugs and strength to you.
Love always,
Sunshine