Relationships  Discussion Forum

I am married to a very abusive but genius husband . He knows very well how can he torture me emotionally and is capable to drain my all positive energies. FRom time to time he hurts me phyiscally also .He is a very nice and caring father to kids.
Now after lots of fightings and all i decided to move out but am not able to do so.. Reason : an eye opening incident before me .
He was beating me very violently and my kids were watching it . They were crying and were trying to save me from him . when i locked up me inside room and was calling my parents , my D of 5 years started to cry ..not to call police and not to give his father to police. My husband left the next day for official trip . my kids are missing him and as he has called them once ..they were asking him to come back .
I am not able to understand child psycology and dont have intention to poison my kids mind against their father.
I am feeling very hurt that how is it posible that my kids love him so much . I am not able to digest the fact that my 24*7 parenting and husband´ s speding just 20 minutes( after coming back from office) with kids are equivalent.
If my kids love him and are missing him then definitely i would like to give it a try to stay with him . I wil try to find out other possibilities to stay with abusive husband without loosing self esteem .
Please help me in understanding the child´ psychology .I am very disturbed/depressed so not able to view the things from all perspectives.Thanks

(Sorry to post on single parenting board also. i did it just to have all kind of views on kids from all parents.) jhimli replied.
Same thing happened to me . One day just 2 yrs ago, Mnat times he beaten me and used to say that if I call police that will ruin his career . I am always there
to ruin him and it is not him who does ONLY good things in life( he never repents in his life, when in India, I was in diff Institute with my daughter
to study and take care of kid, it was sooo tuff and he used to work in diff place taking care of only himself( that is the reason he got the idea he is born just to do and not to take any responsibility, he also thinks that His is family is so cultured, I see now soo.. much cultured from his behaviour)
he used to lie about me and daughter( sometimes he will tell his office coll that me and daughter just had singapore trip on my birthday, I came to know his coole' s wife much after that he lied on lots of things( like I just bought a diomond , you know what is the mental sickness here..he wants to get attention by telling this, because In Industry like he used to work, wife working in research Institute and going to Singapore ... is a big thing). But did not think in that sense, I was pitiful and told to some of my close friends that he has habit. Me and they also thought may be he has a dream of going abroad. ( he once told me that he had just had a trip for conf to Maldip....
I understtod that something wrong with h
his mental pattern and my friends also
advised me to try opportunity for him( his mother also same , she is jealous of anyone except her Princess daughter, she thinks she is the most beautiful and she deserves queenlike attention...... finally nobody married her. She is so much mentally sick. She always \" I shall never bow to anyone even if .. through bad deed, she honestly did sooo.. much bad in her life I pray to God that He gives her chance to think at least one day clearly what she did and what she deserves in her life., may be next life she should remember what she did in this life...God only knows how many tears I had. my eyes used to ache. Their whole family should spend rest of life just
by crying, if she is true inside. My husband unfortunately inherited some of those jenes from her. After he did so many nuisences and horrible mistakes , I never have seen repenting from bottom of heart. How can you love such a human..
it is so difficult. God kept in soo difficult exam in life at this age.

Just few yrs back, I could guess he is doing something terrible wrong( he used to stay in hotel with woman evry weekend(in USA there is lots of opportunity you want to do bad, nobody cares, he took that opportunity. India social structure is diff, he got a new job and wanted me to travel the place . I said \" NO\" because I suspected something wrong (After I joinded in USA , I saw drastic change in behaviour), he used to abuse verbally and physically but that day was diffiernt, my memory is vivid, how can you forget such thing?
As I said \" NO\" he became wild and started beating me like anything ( sometimes you watch in police channel police beating criminals) and said I am ruinging his carrer and as I was about to look for phone , he kept the phone
hiding. Unfortunately my 8 yrs old daughter watched everything from far .
She did not do anything to beast DAD.
I wonder why she did not courage to stand up. My scars will never fade away.
I did not call police.
Hello trapped, you should CALL RIGHT AWAY. DO NOT PROTECT ANY BEAST WHOEVER HE IS. Never loose faith in GOD( Truth
and good things always prevails). Please dont hurt yoursel. If you are In India, I know neighbours will help you. But here in USA you feel so scared.
But Think about yourself first. Let the life go as its goes. I did mistake and we are here to give strength. I came yesterday to this forum and feel so much friendly.
take care of yourself

bye
jhimli dddd replied. i am sorry to say you have to take abuse. But at the same time i wud like to say i am sorry your husband is not a genius. Where is it written that genius people can abuse wives. Being genius means you are also humble . Even i was under abuse until last yr both physical and emotional. BUt after going thru it for 3 yrs i told myself i need to do something and took some legal action. I am not sorry i did. I live in US.Now even in India domestic violence is punishable if i know right.
As far as kids please do not make the mistake and let the abuse go .Dont u think kids will think it is ok to be abused and to abuse. have a heart to heart talk with your husband and tell him not to do it. If it doesnt help try counselling.See my husbands case wudnt have budged with counselling hence i had to take an alternative step. IN your case it might work.
As far as getting virtual help from these boards. I will definitely say it gave me courage and right thinking at right time. Thank you ladies. I owe my relief to you all here.Sometimes it is easier to get help here than friends and relatives as they maybe biased according to situation. best of luck. post back. sakhi replied. I am not a child psychologist but from what you describe any one can tell the kids are going to be emotionally scarred watching you being beaten. Infact they may accept violence as being OK which will result in behavioral problems. Different kids react differently some may openly protest even if they see they moms being scolded some may not. But all kid sneed both parents. I do not know whether you live in USA India or elsewhere, but having watched a few divorced couples with kids, it seems like the kids are better off with parents living separately sharing time between them than having both parents who live together under one roof fighting constantly. It is very difficult to advise anyone on this board because one can never get the complete perspective on the issues. Why don' t you consult counselors (Psychological and marriage) as well as involve your extended family in your problem they will be the best people to advise you because they will understand yours and your husbands perspective better than anyone on this board.