Relationships  Discussion Forum

I am a south indian girl married to north indian guy, a rajput. Got lots of issues.simply he doesnot like me talking in my language, even with my baby. feels baby is fine learning only hindi. Extremely dominating and feels his family is mine now and forget my parents, never meet them(i should never go, they should never visit me), never celebrate any of my festivals. he simply feels why do i need my parents when i have married his family is mine, why should I celebrate my festivals should only follow his customs.
Is it because I married a Rajput guy. Do south indian men make better husbands than North indians Or my feeling wrong? Should I give up my language , my family for marrying a north indian?

Do rajput girls never meet their family once they are married or their parents should never come to daugthers place? is it their custom?

Please suggest Laurie replied. Your husband sounds controlling. I feel bad that you found this out after you had a child together. Still your child should learn where it came from. You may be scared but you feel it is right to do what you are doing and alot of ppl will agree with you. However you may have a hard time with your husband and his family if they believe these things. It is up to you to stand for what you believe in or give in. Ritika replied. I' m a Rajput north indian girl..and nopes, there is no such \" rajput\" culture that your husband is talking about...

I do not think it is even a north Indian/south Indian issue, because if you look at this message board, there are several such posts where the husband is forbidding his wife from contacting her parents...and most of them belong to south indian families..

It has nothing to do with caste or religion, believe me...but everything to do with their individual personalities..

Your baby belongs to BOTH of you..she has a right to learn about your heritage as well as his...

I' m assuming you had a love marriage..so mentally there was some connection some where...try talking to him about your feelings and ask him not to have such double standards...

Just as you are married to him, HE is also married to you, so does that mean he will forget about his family now? Because according to his logic, your family should be his only family now...

Does he give you the \" men and women are different and its our indian culture\" routine?? What do you do when he says all this?? Do you not respond back? do you keep quiet?

Tell him in a very, very firm voice next time - that if he is so xenophobic and wanted a north indian clone, he should have married one...why did he come and choose you!! If he did, he should be accepting of your culture and traditions just like you accept his...

Pls don' t take all this quietly..the more you keep quiet, the more they think its totally acceptable for them to speak like this...

All the best!! Sanjana replied. Laxmi,
I don' t think you made a mistake by marrying north guy..and yeah! thier tradition is different than ours..i noticed many of my north indian frinds expect the wife not to get close with her parents..it is not b' coz you are southy..it is simply b' coz in north husband expects to follow his tradition..and i noticed they are not libaral like southys towards womens rights..it is sad...but might change gradually...keep patience..follow your tradition, ,language..keep in touch with your parents..don' t care ..with out fighting... jayam replied. Hai laxmi,
Feel very sorry to see ur words... Dont think that its ur mistake that u married northindian guy and so felt into a problems.. This character is quite natural and all possessive parents growup their sons with this mentality. This is not ur hubbys mistake. The thing is he could not give up his parents and share ur feelings even though he know u. Most of our gender people face the same problem.

Only solution is only we have to keep faith in our life and think our parents feeling that we r happy with married life...we shouldn' t loose our energy or courage by thinking about these bad peoples mentality. Just to show ur true love to ur hubbys family member. u think of ur child. they r dependent of u. we can deviate from this by taking care of our child like teaching them good habbits. even though u r with ur hubby family u mostly take care of ur child. keep faith in God. Surely there is a turn over. Believe in it and it happended to most of our girls who faced this problem... U cheerup .. u talk with ur parents when ever time permits and share that u r happy. u share ur sarrow with ur close friends and throw it out that moment itself and come back and see ur child face and god and think of ur parents. Dont loose ur hope.

What i am coming to say is if u cant love ur hubby family just atleast pretend like that. one day u will get answer for ur true feelings. Take care of ur health. jayam replied. Hai laxmi,
Feel very sorry to see ur words... Dont think that its ur mistake that u married northindian guy and so felt into a problems.. This character is quite natural and all possessive parents growup their sons with this mentality. This is not ur hubbys mistake. The thing is he could not give up his parents and share ur feelings even though he know u. Most of our gender people face the same problem.

Only solution is only we have to keep faith in our life and think our parents feeling that we r happy with married life...we shouldn' t loose our energy or courage by thinking about these bad peoples mentality. Just to show ur true love to ur hubbys family member. u think of ur child. they r dependent of u. we can deviate from this by taking care of our child like teaching them good habbits. even though u r with ur hubby family u mostly take care of ur child. keep faith in God. Surely there is a turn over. Believe in it and it happended to most of our girls who faced this problem... U cheerup .. u talk with ur parents when ever time permits and share that u r happy. u share ur sarrow with ur close friends and throw it out that moment itself and come back and see ur child face and god and think of ur parents. Dont loose ur hope.

What i am coming to say is if u cant love ur hubby family just atleast pretend like that. one day u will get answer for ur true feelings. Take care of ur health. klm replied. Hello Laxmi,
I am not sure of any rajput culture/tradition, but one thing I can say is nothing is important or over human being' s feelings. Your husband has to understand your feelings and atleast he has to compromise on certain things, he is wants you to follow his culture, he should show so much love, affection that you will do according to him because of his love towards you, it should not be with commanding/showing manliness with you.
These men will never understand their wives feelings...
Good luck..