Relationships  Discussion Forum

Why are Indians so obsessed with marriage? Granted that marriage is a wondeful sacred instituition, the very basis of creating and sustaining a family but that is not what I am questioning.
It is the exaggerated importance attached to it that I am questioning.
Look at Hindi movies almost all of them will have one wedding song with elaborate dressing and dances associated with it. Or for that matter TV commercials, so many of them will feature a gushing bride highlighting how she acquired a fair complexion (which is why her husband liked her in the first place) with a cream or sometimes they will feature the boys side throwing their weight around demanding good food etc.
I remember while I worked in India, the whole office was concerned for my single status then, questioning me openly why I had' nt yet married (I was only 25 then yet considered and old maid!). It was as if there was something wrong with me for still being single and they wanted to know what was wrong, of course there were speculations galore!
My parents were given a hard time too being told that they were not fulfilling their responsibility! It was wrong to keep a girl single for so long etc etc.
On my last visit to India I realized things have' nt changed really all that much even though many more girls are getting married at later ages than before. The basic importance attached to marriage is still to the same exaggerated degree that it was before.
There are many INdian parents who will tell their daughters to stay in an abusive marriage no matter what because they feel it is better to tell everyone they have a married daughter rather than say we have a single or divorced daughter.
Why are we so obssessed with marriage? Ritika replied. I agree totally with your views!

A woman can do so much...can achieve so much in life IF allowed to...but so many people in India think that empowering woman will somehow be detrimental to a good marriage life...

It is astonishing how much pressure society at large puts on a single woman (and her parents)...this is done specially by other women!

A neighbor of ours who had 3 daughters and had gotten them married at the tender age of 17, 18 and 19 could not fathom why my parents wanted me to do my MBA, have a career etc..she would often tell my mom that she was being fool hardy as she would have a hard time marrying me off since I was getting so much education!

Then I had an uncle who was not happy that I was studying Maths or Physics..he said that I should be studying \" girls ke subjects\" like Arts or Home Science...rather than \" boys ke subjects\" ..not that I have anything against any subject, but why should a girl not sudy what she is good at?

What is it about educating woman that scares some people in India? Not all but a goodly number...

There are so many husbands and families who do not want their wives or dil' s to work (even if she wants to)...sometimes even when she is working, she has no control over her salary (which translates into no economic independence )...

I think it will take a few generations in India before marriage is seen in its proper perspective...it is an important institution but it should NEVER be more important than the happiness of a human being (viz girl/woman).

Just my 2 cents... sunti replied. What is your issue? Marriage is emphasised in most Asiatic and Arab cultures not only Indian.

Mayeb your choice is the western type of life, with casual sex with dozens of boy-friends and then after 40 yrs age desperately trying to stay together to one romeo (like Liz Hurley) and raise a family. There are few takers for that sort of stuff in India. Sandya Arora replied. Dear, you have come up with a very small and yet a very crucial aspect. And rightly noted, indeed the media plays a very big role in getting the our society brain washed (yes rather than obsession) with marriage. We live in a fairly tale world which often ends with \" And they lived happily ever after\" I think we must open healthy conversations with our young one, when they reach their age of adolasence. We have to engrave in their minds if \" LOVE is Blind then Marriage is an EYE Opner\" Girls and Boys must be made aware of that fun and fair of Marriage is only for two days. When we finish reading a book, we close it. But that does not happen after the celebration in over. Today, if I educated my son and daughter, someone daughter and son will benefit. And like vise if other people will teach their children then my children will benefit. We cannot repair, but lets start building a healthier society. We mother should take a lead. The way we have suffered our DILs must not suffer. I think before the marriage we must have marriage counceling .. rather than thinking of counciling later So both are aware of the word ' ABUSE' curious replied. I like your posts. Is your real name Sakhi or u r taking it after the social organization? Are you in the US? S replied. Hi Sakhi

Good question.The answer is probably because people in India think getting their daughter/son/niece/nephew etc.etc. married off as soon as they step into adulthood is a logical thing to do.Parents feel that a big responsibility is over and then we have the nosy relatives/ neighbours/ friends who just have to know why things haven' t happened yet!

You raise a good point as just last month I have having a lively discussion with my in-laws as to why we seem to be doing things in India just because elders/ uncles/aunts want it done that way? True that things seem to changing a little bit.Women are taking big decisions which I think is good.Getting married or not is one' s very private choice. I wish we could really shut the mouths of those gossip-mongers and embrace the \" live and let live\" policy.

S