Relationships  Discussion Forum

Ritika,
I am refering to previous post \" my prob is unique\" , it is about staying in in laws house when we visit india.what if he says \" it is our indian tradition girl needs to stay in in laws place with husband\" ..what is the best answer i can give back??..this is what i go through..pls answer.. Ritika replied. You know Sanjana..even I faced this problem in the beginning of my marriage..when my husband supported his mom saying that it is Indian tradition that girls stay at their in -laws place...this is what I told my MIL and hubby \" What Indian tradition are you talking about...Indian tradition mein to har ladki apne maayke jati hai aur rehti hai...and koi Indian tradition nahi kehta ki bahu ko usko uske parents se milne se roko...kaun se veda ya purana mein aisa likha hai?...Aajkal ki to Indian tradition mein when kids go back from US they visit both set of families..not just one...When my bhabhis come from abroad, they first go to their parents palce and then come for a few days to meet my parents (that is their in-laws)...and my parents are totally ok with that..so that' s the \" Indian tradition\" that I have seen\" .

Every Indian household has their own set of rules and they try to force it on their bahus saying that it is an \" Indian tradition\" ...

I later told my hubby separately that just like he wants to spend time with his parents, I would like to spend time with mine. This is my vacation and I need to relax..and I cannot do it at my in-laws place...and dont have double standards and call it indian tradition...finally I asked him - just try to imagine how comfortable you would feel if you were asked to spend your entire vacation at my parents place...??

Thankfully my husband finally understood my point of view and after that has never opposed my going to my parents place...as for my MIL, she shouted and cried..and I ignored her...I packed my bags and left for my parents place...

She kept on calling up and asking when I was coming back..and I told her that I' ve already spend a week there and I' m going to spend the rest of the vacation with my parents and friends...she made a big scene...cried big tears...but I didnt budge..I just kept saying \" mummy, Aap mujhse itna kadwa kyoon bolti hai...why cant you understand that I want to spend some time with my parents..I havent seen them for so long!...\" I wasnt rude to her..but as I said, I did not change my decision...

This is what worked for me...you could take a leaf from here..

Basically..I decided to go and whatever they said, I told them that that is no longer true in India...indian traditions have changed and its time they did...:)

All the best!!