Relationships  Discussion Forum

I am glad to see the convergence of thoughts on the subject. Thanks Ritika for agreeing with me and confirming my thoughts.

I have had the experinece of living in that country several times but only a semester length each time and that too without my family. Have visited scores of my firends juniors and acquantees over the years and must say have observed things with my sharp and sensitive eyes.

I suppose there is an urgent need of mutual sharing of these kind of owes and whenever one close you shares, the points that are coming out here must be reinforced, meaning that violence is NOT normal and it needs be acted against has to be reinforced in the minds of the abused.

Abuse is something that takes away all the confidence from the mind of the abused, they not only start thinking it to be ' normal' even start blaming themsleves for being the victim. Which needs months of very close counselling for the abused person to gain back the confidence to stand up against the abuse. In the mean time the abuser also has become hard core and more intensely abusive! The problem complicates further with every additional abuse tolerated!

So it is the first abuse that needs to be reported/acted upon. It is possible that the guy in question may not be too bad a guy to begin with, but if his mild abuse is tolerated, he gets the signal to abuse further, therby becoming a serial abuser!

So abuse need be discussed with every new couple that you meet, whenever there is a small party gathering of few families together. Do discuss the subject in the presence of the men, all men are NOT abusers, I am NOT for example! But the discussion, raising the topic would give that much needed warning to the potential one and the potential abused will know that there are people with whom she can discuss.

Can we do this? I want people of similar opinion to react. vimpi replied. Hi Kumar!
Yes its me again who is reacting to your opinion!!!!
We all know abuse exists all over the world and why it exists etc etc. The thing is that the way it manifests itself depends on the kind of society you are living in.
Yes of course women should let their friends know they are being abused but look at what these Indian immigrant women are telling you \" I am not allowed to talk anywhere with anyone etc etc\" They are telling you the truth. You have to live in this country for a long period to have the right perspective. I first came here as a student for a brief period and I had a totally different perception. Now I am a citizen of USA and I understand life here as well as life in India. I am also associated with a non profit organization working with women like this. Believe me it is shocking but true every word these women speak is the truth. They are completely isolated scared and will do as their husbands say because inspite of everything he is their only sign of security in a lonely world. When they come to India they have their parents tell them marriage is the ultimate thing for a woman, keep it going no matter what, your sisters have to be married etc etc. It is very very sad. But there is no use discussing or debating this. The women must empower themselves find the strength to seek help. In case of Janki she said she is going to India. She must find the strength to reach her parents somehow , let them know and she must decide whether she should live in India or here. If the women will not help themselves what can anyone do? We can only discuss and analyse and we all know why or how abuse takes place.
By the way Kumar never be afraid to encounter somebody who has a different opinion from you. It is always good to undersatnd a different opinion and examine your own to see if you indded held the right opinion. That is the ony way one can grow and look at truth in the face.What is the use of pnly taliking to people who agree with your opinion? It will only flatter your ego, never lead to a solution!