Relationships  Discussion Forum

My husband just hates anyone from my family especially my parents for no reason. He never talks to them properly. We stay in US, he hates their coming to our place, will do everything to stop them from visiting me in US. But loves his mother he being a mamaboy and I should not speak a word against anyone from his family even when they taunt, insult me.
When I go to India, I should always visit his family first, in a vacation of 15 days, i should spend 1-2 days only at my parents place and remaining with his family.
Is my condition unique or anyone suffering the same, what did they do to handle it?
Being a daughther dont I have any duty towards my parents? Reader replied. I really think that all those ladies who are suffering this problem should take a simple step of communicating with their respective hubbies.

Everybody likes his/her parents, then y should a lady compromise on issues like this. Please don' t compromise.

You give respect to your in laws, speak to them politely, even if they insult you...what for???? Is that because you are dependent on your husband??? I that because you feel you love him????

Don' t mind ladies, but I think you should start questioning yourself that y the hell are you with a person who doesn' t respect you and ur parents. And thats a reality that a person who doesn' t respect your parents, doesn' t repect you nor loves you. I may be sounding very harsh, but thats the truth. Stand up and fight for your rights.

Your parents have an equal right to be respected and spoken too. There are two ways , try communicating with husband. If it works then good else start speaking to in laws in the similar manner as your husband does to ur parents. May be he realises.

There are another two ways which you may not put in action. First, warn him that you may leave him, incase it does not work, leave him- thats the last option.

I know majority of you ladies are there caz u don' t want your parents to face humiliation of divorce. But only one thing, when will you start thinking about yourself?????


Sandya Arora replied. Dear Ladies, Its not that I did not suffer. My mail is my 5 years frustration. And it is even frustrating to see women struggling even now. All I say is that hope things could have been different. Life could have been more simpler and happier like it used to be in our Parents place. But well, DIL' s will always be DIL' s. The attitude is always different when it comes to Daughters and Daughter In Laws. Infact, when the Jamai is good with the Daughter the Mother will say I have a good Jamai, But when the son is good with the DIL, the same mother will say My son is Joru Ka Julam, the girl took away my son. Well I think first we must adjust...Set a limit. Give respect and take respect. If you are being tourtured so badly and thinking of your parents not taking some step. Then my dear, remember now also your parents are not happy to see you crying. You are already hurt so are they. Regarding children, the child get more affected to see parents fighting under one roof and see the mother be beaten up. So at least we women for the sake of our child learn to stand. If you are worried for the child, remember by law a child can stay with the mother for 7 years. God forbed, if anything bad happens and after that the child has to go to the father then how long. Till he becomes lawfully Balik. Truth will never hide.. Be strong for the sake of our kids we would be strong. We too have a law now that governs us. Put a complaint uder the new Law. We cannot repair the past. We daughters too have some responsibility towards our parents, they take the same trouble that we are taking for our children today. At the same time, we should also remember our husbands parents have also taken trouble for him. So again Give respect and take respect. We ladies should understand each other irrespective of generation gaps and relations. Ladies... for the sake of your child be strong and set an example for our daughters and sons to build a healthy family and a society. Sandya Arora replied. Dear Ladies, Its not that I did not suffer. My mail is my 5 years frustration. And it is even frustrating to see women struggling even now. All I say is that hope things could have been different. Life could have been more simpler and happier like it used to be in our Parents place. But well, DIL' s will always be DIL' s. The attitude is always different when it comes to Daughters and Daughter In Laws. Infact, when the Jamai is good with the Daughter the Mother will say I have a good Jamai, But when the son is good with the DIL, the same mother will say My son is Joru Ka Julam, the girl took away my son. Well I think first we must adjust...Set a limit. Give respect and take respect. If you are being tourtured so badly and thinking of your parents not taking some step. Then my dear, remember now also your parents are not happy to see you crying. You are already hurt so are they. Regarding children, the child get more affected to see parents fighting under one roof and see the mother be beaten up. So at least we women for the sake of our child learn to stand. If you are worried for the child, remember by law a child can stay with the mother for 7 years. God forbed, if anything bad happens and after that the child has to go to the father then how long. Till he becomes lawfully Balik. Truth will never hide.. Be strong for the sake of our kids we would be strong. We too have a law now that governs us. Put a complaint uder the new Law. We cannot repair the past. We daughters too have some responsibility towards our parents, they take the same trouble that we are taking for our children today. At the same time, we should also remember our husbands parents have also taken trouble for him. So again Give respect and take respect. We ladies should understand each other irrespective of generation gaps and relations. Ladies... for the sake of your child be strong and set an example for our daughters and sons to build a healthy family and a society. Sandya Arora replied. I have been reading your mail for a very long time now and have grow strong. Any story cannot be unique when it comes to Wives. These men are all the same. Basically when we say all fingures are not the same. Not we it comes to Men, count then one by one & all are the same. Some show their true colours in open & some in the hidden (like hypocrites). I am married for 5 years now with a baby of 2 years. Though a love marriage, my initial days were not at all rosy one. The colours of my mehandi were still bright red enough, when for no reason at all my husband told me ' I CAN LEAVE YOU BUT NOT MY MOTHER, I AM NOT YOUR SAHARA BUT MY MOTHER' I am also earning more then him, but I would give all my salary in his hand. My first 3 years I dont know where that money went. These today so called Modern Men, they cannot feed their family on their own gut, They are depending of wives salary and say to the world that we are liberal minded, we dont treat ladies as Kitchen Ke Chipkali. And in the house, their male ego crushes the lady. One hand they want the lady to work other hand they cannot accept his wives help. In the bargain, we are accepted to do the roles of superwomen, in day be a banker for them, at home their servents, special door mats for their family and in night to behave like sluts for them. We ladies give our men everyting to get nothing in return. Our world revoloves around our husbands only. Why we make our world so small when it is not. Dare to peep out of those Kuwas. At all cost they will crush you. So why not dare. For so many ears I cried. But now no, I dont care. I dont need him for anything. Infact I am better off without him. This is what I made him to feel. Gave him a doze of insecurity. Divorse is not a taboo for women. It should be a taboo for men .. cause they are mentally namards. Only giving their sperms is not engough for new birth. Even dogs on the street give birth but what makes us humans different is are principal, emotions and values. If they cannot keep their woman happy they are not man. And in the end remember..... At the end of the day they are dependent on Women to get the title of MARD. If we dont conceive they are never be taged as MARD. In comparision BAANJ IS NOT AS A BIG GAALI IN COMPARISION TO NA-MARD. Now after 5 years of marriage, after all those gaali' s & beatings, there is peace in my house, only after giving him a doze of insecurity. LETS THESE MEN KNOW IF THEY CAN DO WITHOUT US SO CAN WE ANY DAY..... Sandya Arora replied. I have been reading your mail for a very long time now and have grow strong. Any story cannot be unique when it comes to Wives. These men are all the same. Basically when we say all fingures are not the same. Not we it comes to Men, count then one by one & all are the same. Some show their true colours in open & some in the hidden (like hypocrites). I am married for 5 years now with a baby of 2 years. Though a love marriage, my initial days were not at all rosy one. The colours of my mehandi were still bright red enough, when for no reason at all my husband told me ' I CAN LEAVE YOU BUT NOT MY MOTHER, I AM NOT YOUR SAHARA BUT MY MOTHER' I am also earning more then him, but I would give all my salary in his hand. My first 3 years I dont know where that money went. These today so called Modern Men, they cannot feed their family on their own gut, They are depending of wives salary and say to the world that we are liberal minded, we dont treat ladies as Kitchen Ke Chipkali. And in the house, their male ego crushes the lady. One hand they want the lady to work other hand they cannot accept his wives help. In the bargain, we are accepted to do the roles of superwomen, in day be a banker for them, at home their servents, special door mats for their family and in night to behave like sluts for them. We ladies give our men everyting to get nothing in return. Our world revoloves around our husbands only. Why we make our world so small when it is not. Dare to peep out of those Kuwas. At all cost they will crush you. So why not dare. For so many ears I cried. But now no, I dont care. I dont need him for anything. Infact I am better off without him. This is what I made him to feel. Gave him a doze of insecurity. Divorse is not a taboo for women. It should be a taboo for men .. cause they are mentally namards. Only giving their sperms is not engough for new birth. Even dogs on the street give birth but what makes us humans different is are principal, emotions and values. If they cannot keep their woman happy they are not man. And in the end remember..... At the end of the day they are dependent on Women to get the title of MARD. If we dont conceive they are never be taged as MARD. In comparision BAANJ IS NOT AS A BIG GAALI IN COMPARISION TO NA-MARD. Now after 5 years of marriage, after all those gaali' s & beatings, there is peace in my house, only after giving him a doze of insecurity. LETS THESE MEN KNOW IF THEY CAN DO WITHOUT US SO CAN WE ANY DAY..... DDD replied. You have covered most of things what they should do and how they should tackle their husbands and in-laws.
Most of the husbands and in-laws are very self centered and they do ' double standards' , it is we, who has to fight back on this and we should be strong enough to tell that what we need and make them understand that we too are humans with feelings.
Let God give them a strength to fight back.
Good luck... janaki replied. I too have same situation. My husband dont like my parents i hardly speaks to them. and never allow me to call. If i say i want to call my parents then he starts talking about all expenses and says i am spending all money. where as he speaks to his parents daily. I am doing job. I can say i am earning its my money i can tak to my parents without taking his permission, I never tell them its becoz i dont want to hurt ,but he never understands that.
And when we visit India he never allow me to stay with my parents. My mother in law and FIl will start crying if i say i want to go to my home. And my husband dont send me alone to my home becoz he dont trust me. How much i cry it doesn' t matter but if his mother put sad face that it worth. he will anything for them but not for me.
In next 2 months i am going to india i dont know if this i will be able to see my parents and stay with them. It has been 3 years i did not talk to them properly. Can any one please advise. I just want to spend few days with my parents. How should i do this? janaki replied. I too have same situation. My husband dont like my parents i hardly speaks to them. and never allow me to call. If i say i want to call my parents then he starts talking about all expenses and says i am spending all money. where as he speaks to his parents daily. I am doing job. I can say i am earning its my money i can tak to my parents without taking his permission, I never tell them its becoz i dont want to hurt ,but he never understands that.
And when we visit India he never allow me to stay with my parents. My mother in law and FIl will start crying if i say i want to go to my home. And my husband dont send me alone to my home becoz he dont trust me. How much i cry it doesn' t matter but if his mother put sad face that it worth. he will anything for them but not for me.
In next 2 months i am going to india i dont know if this i will be able to see my parents and stay with them. It has been 3 years i did not talk to them properly. Can any one please advise. I just want to spend few days with my parents. How should i do this?