Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi all,
i' m married for 3 yrs now & we live in US.i' m on H-4 visa, so cant work.so since past 3yrs sitting at home i' m getting very depressed.i' m an engineer, a very bright student & had a great social life in India.after coming to US i' ve become very lonely.i have no friends here,no one to talk to except my hubby. my hubby has very hectic work schedule, so by the time he comes home he is so tired that he hardly has time & energy for anything.sitting at home all day long is making me depressed & a very pessimistic person. i' m loosing all confidence in myself.i have even lost the confidence that i can ever work in my life. like they say idol mind is devil' s workshop, sitting all alone i keep thinking & thinking all the time.i get only negative thoughts in my mind. i keep thinking abt whats wrong in my life, my fears, my insecurities & i keep recollecting those hurtful words my relatives say to me & get depressed. i was a very happy person & i always loved to be with people.i tried making friends here initially when i came, but Indians who live here are so unfriendly.they give a smile & talk to us as though they are making a favor.i' m getting sick of all these. i' m loosing myself somewhere.i' ve forgotten who i' m....i tried taking up few courses, going to gym etc, but none of them helped me in the long run.i sit all day thinking & by the time my hubby comes home i would have become so bitter that i' ll not even talk to him properly.i have become a very sad person, lost all my talents now.i have forgotten to smile.i dont know what to do abt it. i dont have anyone to vent out my feelings.
i' ve seen that in this board there are such wonderful people always ready to help others out in trouble. so i thought may be i' ll find someone here who can understand my situation & help me out. so i' m posting my 1st query here. need all ur suggestions plz. i' ve lost my happiness & peace of mind.i' ve become very dependent person after coming here. i cant drive, so i cant even go out anywhere without my hubby. because of all these my relationship wid my hubby i,e my marriage is also getting ruined. plz tell me what to do? what can i do to overcome all this boredom & loneliness which is killing me every second.
sorry for such a big message.i had to vent out, otherwise i would go crazy.plz help me
thank u all so much in advance abc replied. Like everybody said, it is good if you can join in Master' s program. I also did my MS after coming to US.It can take you 2-3 years to finish. It depends on how many courses you can do per semister. I took maximum courses per semister and finished in 2 years.Some of my friends got pregnant when they were doing MS.You can take one or two semister' s off if you plan to have baby in between nd you don' t have wait until you finish ur masters pgm.My friends in-laws or parents came to help them with kids and once baby' s are like 3 or 6 months some of them send htere kids to day care ..some people will also send baby' s to India so that they can get good care instead of putting them in day care here. It really depens on you and your husband. So you have to discuss all these with ur husband.If you get in-state it won' t cost that much and if you get GTA or other assistant jobs at university you can pay ur tution fee ( can also earn some money if you work in summer etc).

One more option is that you can work at any Indian restaurent or grocery store or parlor' s. In that way you can get to interact with people and also u can earn some pocket money.

I would suggest you to go a head with master' s program. B' coz it will promise you bright future, indipendence nd confidence.Go to universities in ur area and findout how much time takes you to finish MS and how much it costs they will be happy to guide you.All the best. Ritika replied. I forgot to add...studying in US is not always that expensive...IF you get a graduate research assistantship (GRA) etc...so try to find out from close by universities, where you can get a GRA or GTA (teaching assistanship)..and that way you do not have to spend a ton to do your MS (as getting a GRA or GTA waives your entire tuition fees + give you a small monthly stipend)...

Sanjana replied. Hi Sweety,
how old are you?.If you are with in 30, i would suggest you to go for study.i know so many of my cousins,frinds struggle to get in to college even after turning 30.Everything in life doesn' t go like we think.right now don' t think about financial burdan on your hubby.you can make lot more than what ever you spend on study.if you spend now..you get it back later..if you don' t want to spend 2-3 yrs on study, you have other options like doing course on medical admin program(1 yr) or a short course which help in getting just a job(don' t expect good salary out of it..this is just for spending time & pocket money).It is your decision what you want in life?when you want?.OR you can join 2-3 yrs college than try for baby, later on if you have problem in handling baby, send it to your parents for 1-2 yrs( this is not a good option,but many people will do like this).I know one of my cousin strugling to get in to college even after she had a baby soon..imagine the fratruation..
After all it is your decision ..what ever you decide stick with it..best of luck in reaching your goal. sheena replied. Hi sweety,
u r sounding sad.i think ur problem is easy to correct.
perhaps u r jealous of all the career woman around u who seem to be full of life.jealously can be healthy too as it aspires us to achieve greater things.i would suggest u learn driving, its not difficult at all ! with driving u can go to the places you want to visit like markets,temples etc.go out on ur own n start exploring the neighbourhood, plus u can finish house related work even in the absence of ur hubby.believe me doing things alone outside will give u very much needed self confidence.u seem to be totally confused with studying further or having a baby.do not have a baby just to pass time! its a big responsibility.go for it if u feel prepared enough .why are u so worried abt what ur inlaws will think abt u having a kid or not, its ur n ur hubby' s decision.talk to hubby n discuss the possiblilty of u starting a career/studying.explore the options.before that step out n see whats goin on in the neighbourhood, volunteer in social work.do not get bottled up ur house any more.u need more sunshine n fresh air !do let us know what have u decided. Ritika replied. Hi Sweety,

Sanjana has given a very good suggestion. Do your MS first if possible. It will take 2 years most probably and not 3 if you take summer courses also.

Having a baby is fine but if you do go in for this option, then chances are you will never be able to do your MS (since taking care of a baby is a 24 X 7 job).

Having a baby 5-6 yrs after marriage is ok...its not like you are 40 or something...about yr in laws - think of it this way...you are the one who will have the baby and will have to look after it...YOU need to feel emionally ready for it (and not your in laws).

Agar in laws ka sunogi to wo log to shaadi ke 9 months ke baad hi baby ke liye bolenge..

Think about everything...In your entire life of 70-80 yrs...will waiting for 2 yrs for a baby matter that much? or not doing your MS matter that much?? Think carefully and then decide...

take care... Krushna replied. First take some driving lessons and learn driving. Then u will get mobility.Even if you r on h4 you can get a temporary visitors driving livense called tvdl. Visit the license services office. Also you can do some voluntary work if you want and you can get to socialise that way.All the Best.Just start on something first to reduce the boredom and you will feel much better. Sanjana replied. It is very true that we get depressed if nothing else to do.I live in usa too..but i work.before i used to feel the same way how u felt.I have few suggestions for you.Do further study may be MS or MBA.think about it seriously, degree from india has not much value here.if you prepare yourself for getting a job till you get in a position to work..you made use of your time.Since you are a bright student i would suggest u to do that.Visit all good colleges around your area, collect information & make decision which ever is good for you.remember this is the best time for you to make a carrer move,later on in life you shouldn' t regret for doing nothing, and feel useless when other women around you work & earn.If you don' t want to study another option for you to have baby.gradually when child grows you can make frindship with your childrens parents(that is the common way in usa to make frinds).Let me know what u think.Lots of love. Sanjana replied. It is very true that we get depressed if nothing else to do.I live in usa too..but i work.before i used to feel the same way how u felt.I have few suggestions for you.Do further study may be MS or MBA.think about it seriously, degree from india has not much value here.if you prepare yourself for getting a job till you get in a position to work..you made use of your time.Since you are a bright student i would suggest u to do that.Visit all good colleges around your area, collect information & make decision which ever is good for you.remember this is the best time for you to make a carrer move,later on in life you shouldn' t regret for doing nothing, and feel useless when other women around you work & earn.If you don' t want to study another option for you to have baby.gradually when child grows you can make frindship with your childrens parents(that is the common way in usa to make frinds).Let me know what u think.Lots of love.