I am married for more than 5 years and had undergone a miserable life, continuously tortured-beaten up by my husband. Now, I am trying for a divorce. I had spoken about this to my husband and ILs (who are here with us now). They are trying to convince me that everything would be fine hereafter and that he would not lay his hands on me.
For the last 2 months I did not have any contact with him, though we live in the same house, and he tried to act good and keep requesting me not to quit.
I have only my mother with me for support. She has come over to stay for some time. The atmosphere at home is dark since my H and ILs do not want me to quit. I have only my mother for support, and she is now fallen ill. I have seen a lawyer and trying to file a D. Meantime I decided to move out of the house and stay away along with my mother so that it would be easy for me to process with the D. My H is now behaving very badly to me and hits me again! I am not able to move out of the house because of my mother being ill. Please advice me, I am almost shattered.
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I am married for more than 5 years and had undergone a miserable life, continuously tortured-beaten up by my husband. Now, I am trying for a divorce. I had spoken about this to my husband and ILs (who are here with us now). They are trying to convince me that everything would be fine hereafter and that he would not lay his hands on me.
For the last 2 months I did not have any contact with him, though we live in the same house, and he tried to act good and keep requesting me not to quit.
I have only my mother with me for support. She has come over to stay for some time. The atmosphere at home is dark since my H and ILs do not want me to quit. I have only my mother for support, and she is now fallen ill. I have seen a lawyer and trying to file a D. Meantime I decided to move out of the house and stay away along with my mother so that it would be easy for me to process with the D. My H is now behaving very badly to me and hits me again! I am not able to move out of the house because of my mother being ill. Please advice me, I am almost shattered.
riya replied. Screw his life let him feel the pain
File a police complaint of torture against him and parents . Trust me your one sentence can hang them.
Its enough now its time to take action
All the best.
distressed replied. Many thanks! By mother is better now and I would be moving out soon. I will continue to process with the D.
Ritika replied. She says \" My H is now behaving very badly to me and hits me again!\"
Which part of the message makes you feel that the husband has reformed?
An abuser often blames the victim for all his excesses. I´ m curious as to why you would be empathising with the abuser here in this case...
She is feeling shattered after the beatings and you are asking her \" why dont you understand him and makes both of your lives peaceful\" ! Amazing!
The question is not whether her husband loves her (as he so claims and you so readily believe(and frankly, I quite disagree))..it is whether it s in her best interests to remain with such an abusive man. What kind of a life can she expect to lead and is it right for her to be fearful and abused in her home home?
one replied. Dont be upset at your current situation. It is of course painful, but be strong and take this daring step. I too think divorce is too extreme, but live separetly from your husband for some time. This will change him. I pray for your happiness.
SS replied. Why dont you give him a chance, as he has assured that he would not lay his hands on you. You have said that you are in no contact with him, though stay together. Does he agree to this? Does he feels sorry for beating you. He is your husband, why dont you understand him and makes both of your lives peaceful. He loves you and does not want you to quit. Go to good marriage counsellor and get this solved and try living a peaceful life together.
My best wishes to you.
Prem replied. Dear,
Your situation is pathetic. You have to be strong and take actions against him. Be bold and move out with your mother. If you have no support, take the help of your neighbors or friends and come out from this as soon as possible.
Do not worry, keep posting...
Take care
Ritika replied. If you are in the US, the next time he raises his hand on you, call 911.
You need to be protected and if your in laws also cant ensure that your husband doesnt beat you any more (inspite of all their assurances), then its time you got the police involved.
If you are not in the US, then get the help of a relative or friend to make it possible for you to move out. I understand that it might be difficult with your mom being ill, but just prepare for everything at least..so that the day she is feeling a bit better, you can move that day itself...
tae care and all the best!!
HBT replied. You are on the right track. I know how difficult it is, but you need to speak to the lawyer again and now file a fresh police complaint. I can guess that you are jittery about police complaints and might have already had encounters with them and had a bad taste, but still that is the right step now, be backed up by your lawyer. Use the newly made law against domestic violence. Please do keep posting and in contact with your friends who may be able to support you in your distress.
I wish you peace and I pray for you.
2007-03-06
#1
Name: riya Subject: Punish them
Screw his life let him feel the pain
File a police complaint of torture against him and parents . Trust me your one sentence can hang them.
Its enough now its time to take action
All the best.
2007-02-27
#2
Name: distressed Subject: Thanks to all
Many thanks! By mother is better now and I would be moving out soon. I will continue to process with the D.
2007-02-26
#3
Name: Ritika Subject: Reply to SS
She says \" My H is now behaving very badly to me and hits me again!\"
Which part of the message makes you feel that the husband has reformed?
An abuser often blames the victim for all his excesses. I´ m curious as to why you would be empathising with the abuser here in this case...
She is feeling shattered after the beatings and you are asking her \" why dont you understand him and makes both of your lives peaceful\" ! Amazing!
The question is not whether her husband loves her (as he so claims and you so readily believe(and frankly, I quite disagree))..it is whether it s in her best interests to remain with such an abusive man. What kind of a life can she expect to lead and is it right for her to be fearful and abused in her home home?
2007-02-27
#4
Name: SS Subject: to Ritika
Life is not a game. Marriage is not a play. Her husband hits her, I do agree that this is very bad and action has to be taken against him. But then, she can stay away from him for sometime so that he would realise his mistakes and change himself. Why not give him a chance. If he still continues to treat her bad, then she has no other choice than to quit
2007-02-26
#5
Name: one Subject: dont worry
Dont be upset at your current situation. It is of course painful, but be strong and take this daring step. I too think divorce is too extreme, but live separetly from your husband for some time. This will change him. I pray for your happiness.
2007-02-26
#6
Name: SS Subject: Give a chance
Why dont you give him a chance, as he has assured that he would not lay his hands on you. You have said that you are in no contact with him, though stay together. Does he agree to this? Does he feels sorry for beating you. He is your husband, why dont you understand him and makes both of your lives peaceful. He loves you and does not want you to quit. Go to good marriage counsellor and get this solved and try living a peaceful life together.
My best wishes to you.
2007-02-26
#7
Name: Ritika Subject: Did you read the last part of her message?
She says " My H is now behaving very badly to me and hits me again!"
Which part of the message makes you feel that the husband has reformed?
An abuser often blames the victim for all his excesses. I´ m curious as to why you would be empathising with the abuser here in this case...
She is feeling shattered after the beatings and you are asking her " why dont you understand him and makes both of your lives peaceful" ! Amazing!
The question is not whether her husband loves her (as he so claims and you so readily believe(and frankly, I quite disagree))..it is whether it s in her best interests to remain with such an abusive man. What kind of a life can she expect to lead and is it right for her to be fearful and abused in her home home?
2007-02-26
#8
Name: job Subject: you are pathetic
you seem sick SS. If she is being beaten up, why should she put up with such a husband??? Is that all he can do??? I guess, its better to get seperated for some time atleast. Maybe divorce is a bit too extreme, but, you should definately press charges if he is beating you up. Stand up against him once, and press charges. He wont dare to do it again.. After that, you can start thinking if you really want a divorce.
2007-02-26
#9
Name: Prem Subject: Be strong
Dear,
Your situation is pathetic. You have to be strong and take actions against him. Be bold and move out with your mother. If you have no support, take the help of your neighbors or friends and come out from this as soon as possible.
Do not worry, keep posting...
Take care
2007-02-25
#10
Name: Ritika Subject: Pls call 911
If you are in the US, the next time he raises his hand on you, call 911.
You need to be protected and if your in laws also cant ensure that your husband doesnt beat you any more (inspite of all their assurances), then its time you got the police involved.
If you are not in the US, then get the help of a relative or friend to make it possible for you to move out. I understand that it might be difficult with your mom being ill, but just prepare for everything at least..so that the day she is feeling a bit better, you can move that day itself...
tae care and all the best!!
2007-02-25
#11
Name: HBT Subject: you got to remain strong...
You are on the right track. I know how difficult it is, but you need to speak to the lawyer again and now file a fresh police complaint. I can guess that you are jittery about police complaints and might have already had encounters with them and had a bad taste, but still that is the right step now, be backed up by your lawyer. Use the newly made law against domestic violence. Please do keep posting and in contact with your friends who may be able to support you in your distress.
I wish you peace and I pray for you.
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Punish them
Thanks to all
Reply to SS
Name: SS
Give a chance
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