Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi there just sharing my sorrows. hope no other girl faces what i am facing because of my monster in law. beleive me she deserves to be called this. my hubby is dr in uk , hez only person who studied in family. they were all poor until my husband became a dr.iam also BE (cse) married soon after completing degree. MIL was so polite at time of fixing marriage. but just days think 10 days of wedding showed her true colour by asking huge dowry.my husband was unaware as he was to come 2 days before. my father agreed to everything just for me. that monster dint stop at that she created a big fight on wedding day saying my parents dint serve her food properly.she created rifts between my parents n hubby n was not allowed to talk to them until they were sorry. i just cant forget the moment my father begged them. i instantly thought of divorce but hav other sisters to be married. my parents stoped me saying my husband is good its just he is unaware of her mothers deeds .she planned such a way that my husbnad thinks my father gave hin every thing seeing his qualification. though i came to uk my BIL was staying with us 2 years of my life were hell my husband use to talk to his parents every day. there was always a distance between us. i never became pregnant becoz of stress , MIL started saying others bad about me .things changed when my BIL moved away my husband loved and cared about me i became pregnant . I have SIL who is married but staying with my MIL with her husband and kids .her husband doesnt work n all is taken care by my husband. my husband bought houses for my SIL , payedi huge donations for get his brothers education . never say a word even though he sends every thing.every six months when we go to india he buys lot of gold 4 his mom n sis i never say a word because i myself came from well of family.and i dont care for money.when i am pregnant she again started playing games my husband wants me to stay here in uk she wants me to come there n stay for a year until my child is 1 . my husband refused saying he wants child to be born here . she fought with my parents saying i made her son a puppet.my hubby doesnt beleive his mother can do a thing. he fought with me and slapped me becoz of all this i started bleeding.went to A&E . thanks to my stars my baby was f9 and drs said its too early to predict any thing if all goes f9 then i wont have problem. just praying all should go f9.my husbnad doesnt want my parents to come he begged his mom to come she is comming on condition that ill go with her after delivery and stay 4 n year. i donno should i be happy or sad that women is making my life hell.i just pray from my heart no girl on earth should get a MIL like that. please pray 4 my safe pregnancy suhani replied. I am also facing same problem, although in different way. we stay with our MIL and BIL. I got pregnent just after my marriage. I have complications in pregnency and really get tired soon. But my MIL doesnot understand this. she is not able to understand that these are not olden days when ladies used to do all the work and could not demand some sympathy from her in-laws. she always tell, we have born children then how ur situation is differnt. I have to work 7 to 7 and then she expect me to do the household work too wherees i am going through my 8 month and i dont have much energy due to tiredness. dont know how can i make her understand that i really need to take rest and we can keep servant for some omnths so that nobody faces the problem. Krushna replied. Hi Dear,
I feel very sorry to know that a woman can become such an enemy of another woman and also an enemy of own son. Its sad and surprising how these ladies dont want their sons to lead a happy life.All women love their kids when thay r small , but the same ladies can become enemy of their kids after they r married.For the sons it is an emotional blackmail, they cannot hurt their mothers who have brought them up. In your case, please be strong enough to voice your own needs and wishes. If you dont want to go to India , dont go. You say you will visit later with your husband.And tell you MIL that u can take ur own decisions and she should not interfere in Husband and wife matters. You baby is first yours and ur husbands, so u two will decide for the baby . All others are secondary. Ritika replied. Hi Seema,

I' m so shocked that your husband hit you while you' re pregnant...that should give you an idea of what your MIL can do when she will be in your house in person instigating her dear son.

I know it will be very difficult but please, please stand your ground and tell your husband that you want your mom around you at such a delicate time in your life...

You need emotional support and lots of help around the house when you come home after delivery and I do not think your MIL is capable of providing any such thing to you. Instead she will just be a source of tension for you.

Your husband is trying to steam roll you into doing what he wants...but ultimately it is you who is carrying the baby and is going to deliver...your wishes should be paramount in this case!

Can you ask your doctor to talk some sense to your husband? Usually, the ob/gyn doctors are pretty helpful in this case...they can argue about your emotional well being..

and why on earth does she want you at her place for 1 year? to control and abuse you more?

Just be firm and say sorry, but you wont go. You want your baby to live with both the parents. If MIL insists, just keep saying no. I know it will be difficult, but if you keep your cool and just keep saying no, what can she do...its not as if she will drag you with her to India.

Also if possible, make a pact with your husband that you both will not discuss each other' s parents any more. Discussing in laws is really not a good idea if it is always bringing about fights between the 2 of you.

Motherhood is a wonderful thing and sometimes it can give you unbelievable courage in doing whats good for your baby...

Tension is not good for the baby, so relieve stress by taking long walks, listening to music and if possible venting out with friends...

My prayers are with you...all the best!
Another Seema replied. Hi Seema,
Felt so sorry for you ..fyi, i too share the same name ... I somewhat agree with Varun but what I suggest is ...Dont make a hue and cry now and spoil ur health .. Lets say you agree to going back to india for delivery or after delivery .. so what ? you are not signing it on any bond paper !
Tell her you will come and maintain peace for urself and at home !
Bond well with ur hubby and when time comes say you dont feel like going !
He is ur lawful husband and you have full rights to stay with him .. No matter who says what !
Within days and weeks your hubby will bond with ur baby and he himself will not agree !!!
So dont fight and cry over it now ...
Relax and enjoy ur pregnancy
I hope you have a healthy baby !!!

Take care
Seema varun replied. Having undergone what you have, if you you really have to go back and stay away from your husbnad with your moster MIL, that too for ONE LONG YEAR of the baby' s initial life, in my very personal opinion your marriage is not worth!

Let the hell break loose, put your foot down on staying away from your husband. I can tell you its going to be life threatening for you may even be for your child!

Your husband is a doctor you said, you mean physician? Its very unfortunate that he succumbs to his mothers absolute unscientific and almost anti-medical demands.

PUT YOU FOOT DOWN, if that strains the marriage let it, remember as long as you are in UK, british rules apply. As soon as you are back in India, you would loose those advantage. Take care of yourself and your unborn baby. Tell him to support you.

If still they try to take you back forcibly, you can give a police complints against attempt to kidnap or even eviction from your marital home. Remember British laws may save you, Indian laws may KILL you.

If you are brought back to India to stay for a full year, you would not only loose your marriage, your marital property(stree dhan, as it is called in Indian languages),your child and your SANITY. So whatever you have to loose, loose it NOW while you are in UK not after coming back. Keep posting.
Amrit replied. Hi Seema
I can just send my good wishes for your prospective child. May god give you some peace & take your MIL at his place. Pls dont mind, but there is no need for people who dont live themselves but create a lot of problems even for others too. I have got an idea for you, that your parents can use a telephone recorder whenever there is any coversation with tour MIL. Dont just use that, but you can later communicate your hubby that your parents installed it becoz of some reason & can share your MIL conversations with them. It may probably communicate your hubby, what is happening just behind him.