Hi all
I need help in taking this very big decision of whom to marry….. Before I start with my request, let me provide some information related to my past:
When I was in college I fell in love with this man, whom despite of oppositions from my parents I married, only to find out, that except his name every information he has provided about himself starting from his date of birth, to his mother tongue, to his qualification, job, relatives, etc all were false…. I was left shocked and shattered and returned back home within a span of a month to my parents and then filled divorce and ultimately achieved same after 4 years of struggle. I didn’t claim maintenance or alimony, left all my jewel and other belongings with them the day I walked out and back to home.
I was working in the town then, and there was a close friend who was a great moral support during this phase, then I tried my best and finally moved out of the city with a different job profile all together. But then this friend who was a great support tried me to force into marrying him, as I refused he created a big issue about the same, finally my parents took the maters in there hands and the issue got resolved.
Since I have moved into this new place, I had two close friends who share my mother tongue. Lets name then as “K†& “Gâ€. The day I came into this city I met “K†and we were friends, as we both were in the same company guest house. While after 2 days I met “G†we joined as trainees in same batch and he stayed in his flat, as he was in the city since quite some time. We three were working in same company on same platform then. After some time “G†proposed to marry me as he liked me and wanted a mature relation with me, were I told him we must know each other better before we go ahead with any such decision. And within two weeks from this “K†told me how madly he is in love with me, were I informed him about “G†and told him to be friends.
Next we had to shift to our own accommodations, and “G†helped me get one near his flat, while I helped “K†to move in to a flat in same apartment a floor above mine. As such, “K†was taken care by me, like his food and stuff while he too cared for me and helped me with my day to day cores. Things worsened when I became physical with “G†as I was looking into a serious relation during the time, but after some time as we had our bit of tensions and “K†was close and supportive I became physical with him too…. “K†was aaware of me sharing a physical relation with “Gâ€â€¦.. “G†is a very possessive person, and will not listen to my foolish demands, while “K†is more a man of heart, he will do, or let me do anything that pleases me…. “G†always had and has his own share of reasoning and logic for every step taken or to be taken, while for “K†my word is the world and law ..... but this was not to last long and after about 1 ½ years the whole matter came in light, first “G†abused me verbally and physically then left me and went away, while “K†who brought the whole matter to light provided me support all the while, but after a day “G†came back to me, and since then, I am not in a positing to decide between them.
My parents only know that both of them want to marry me, as they both love me, and that both have spoken to there family too (letting them know that I am a divorcee and am also elder by a year and few months) and are awaiting a choice on my part. While, my parents are also waiting for me to decide whom would I like to settle down with, as they have no clue what sort of relation I had shared with them.
My problem is since the matter has come in light, its 8 months past now, but I am unable to decide. My heart is equally affectionate for both, I feel like If I could divide myself in two, I would have been the happiest. Both of them refuse to accept the presence of the other, they would not let me be friends even with the second person if I marry one. To add with, both are well educated, well established, belong to same caste and religion, share my mother tongue, as such food habits are same and I am equally comfortable with both. As what I want is not possible….. Please help me with responses…..
I do understand that I have invited some dirty responses by letting all know about myself ….. and nobody but only I am responsible for the same, but I am awaiting a few sensible responses so that I can get some help to settle down, and look forward to a happy future ….. I am 28 yrs now ….. So need to decide at the earliest, as I want a baby soon after my marriage, as I have some ovulation problems too, which I am undergoing a treatment and my doctor says the treatment will not make me fertile forever, but only for a short while, To conclude, both “K†& “G†are aware of my complete life and medical issues too …. I am an open book to them……
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Hi all
I need help in taking this very big decision of whom to marry….. Before I start with my request, let me provide some information related to my past:
When I was in college I fell in love with this man, whom despite of oppositions from my parents I married, only to find out, that except his name every information he has provided about himself starting from his date of birth, to his mother tongue, to his qualification, job, relatives, etc all were false…. I was left shocked and shattered and returned back home within a span of a month to my parents and then filled divorce and ultimately achieved same after 4 years of struggle. I didn’t claim maintenance or alimony, left all my jewel and other belongings with them the day I walked out and back to home.
I was working in the town then, and there was a close friend who was a great moral support during this phase, then I tried my best and finally moved out of the city with a different job profile all together. But then this friend who was a great support tried me to force into marrying him, as I refused he created a big issue about the same, finally my parents took the maters in there hands and the issue got resolved.
Since I have moved into this new place, I had two close friends who share my mother tongue. Lets name then as “K†& “Gâ€. The day I came into this city I met “K†and we were friends, as we both were in the same company guest house. While after 2 days I met “G†we joined as trainees in same batch and he stayed in his flat, as he was in the city since quite some time. We three were working in same company on same platform then. After some time “G†proposed to marry me as he liked me and wanted a mature relation with me, were I told him we must know each other better before we go ahead with any such decision. And within two weeks from this “K†told me how madly he is in love with me, were I informed him about “G†and told him to be friends.
Next we had to shift to our own accommodations, and “G†helped me get one near his flat, while I helped “K†to move in to a flat in same apartment a floor above mine. As such, “K†was taken care by me, like his food and stuff while he too cared for me and helped me with my day to day cores. Things worsened when I became physical with “G†as I was looking into a serious relation during the time, but after some time as we had our bit of tensions and “K†was close and supportive I became physical with him too…. “K†was aaware of me sharing a physical relation with “Gâ€â€¦.. “G†is a very possessive person, and will not listen to my foolish demands, while “K†is more a man of heart, he will do, or let me do anything that pleases me…. “G†always had and has his own share of reasoning and logic for every step taken or to be taken, while for “K†my word is the world and law ..... but this was not to last long and after about 1 ½ years the whole matter came in light, first “G†abused me verbally and physically then left me and went away, while “K†who brought the whole matter to light provided me support all the while, but after a day “G†came back to me, and since then, I am not in a positing to decide between them.
My parents only know that both of them want to marry me, as they both love me, and that both have spoken to there family too (letting them know that I am a divorcee and am also elder by a year and few months) and are awaiting a choice on my part. While, my parents are also waiting for me to decide whom would I like to settle down with, as they have no clue what sort of relation I had shared with them.
My problem is since the matter has come in light, its 8 months past now, but I am unable to decide. My heart is equally affectionate for both, I feel like If I could divide myself in two, I would have been the happiest. Both of them refuse to accept the presence of the other, they would not let me be friends even with the second person if I marry one. To add with, both are well educated, well established, belong to same caste and religion, share my mother tongue, as such food habits are same and I am equally comfortable with both. As what I want is not possible….. Please help me with responses…..
I do understand that I have invited some dirty responses by letting all know about myself ….. and nobody but only I am responsible for the same, but I am awaiting a few sensible responses so that I can get some help to settle down, and look forward to a happy future ….. I am 28 yrs now ….. So need to decide at the earliest, as I want a baby soon after my marriage, as I have some ovulation problems too, which I am undergoing a treatment and my doctor says the treatment will not make me fertile forever, but only for a short while, To conclude, both “K†& “G†are aware of my complete life and medical issues too …. I am an open book to them……
Concerned replied. Dear,
Detach yourself from both. Live your life for yourself for some time. Move out of the city and put your mind into something that keeps you busy and totally free from all these pressures. Relax, get back to your old friends, may be school or college friends. As far as possible, try not to get closer to any man at this moment, at your work place or even through this kind of SITE. I MEAN it. Get female friends, go out with them, enjoy their company. Cultivate female friends. There are men who volunteerily offer their shoulders to cry on at this moment of yours (I also mean through this site). Do not entertain any such. Beware!
Wish you a very joyful future. I will pray for your happiness.
Good Luck!
mm replied. U sure have messed up your life and are in a dilemma. You dont know what you want and I feel you need some emotional stability first before you take any decision. I would suggest that you move out of the city and break contacts with both of them for at least 6 months , till you can start thinking about what you really want.All you need is some good peace of mind and space to think straight. You r not a commodity that anyone shud bargaain for.You have to be tough and strong and move on with your life, love will always be found at the right time.
varun replied. The subject is the bottom line. You are not a rag doll for two guys to fight it out amongst themselves and decide who must have you!
Let me tell you that you must be a prized possesion to both of them as they describe by the word \" lovable\" but possibly neither of them love you as much as a troubled human being like you needs.
Give some respect and sanctity to your own body not to be abused by either of them. Tell me one thing in this tumultous condition of your mind did you enjoy sex with either of them? They have just abused you! Did you come for example?
Stop seeing both of them. I know what I am suggesting. Its going to be tough and killing but you must do it. STOP being abused. Strict NO CONTACT with both of them. If they do not respect it, leave your job, leave the city. Just run away from these two abusing men fighting over you forcing you almost to sex!
Do keep writing. I am eager to know that YOU have chosen your path, rather than being thrusted upon by either G or K. THEY JUST WANT TO POSSES YOU. DO NOT LOVE YOU.
In love one lets go! That neither of them are really willing to let go of you and thereby putting you theough more and more misery tells it all. Just quit both dear. Be on your own. Resoect and LOVE yourself. Do not allow others to abuse you in the name of love.
Wish you peace and will pray for you.
Fool replied. I only get time to login to internet on weekends, so I myself have been anxiously waiting to login and find out some solution to my pitiable situation. Sometimes when I sit alone and think I myself feel pity on such a person, whose life is as messed up …..
Anyway would like to let you know some more facts, that have emerged within the week, as such I am trying to write further instead of reading:
1) I was in a situation for sometime now, were I was not suppose to see “K†at all, kind of a condition laid on me by “G†to be my friend forever while never again interfering in my life. He requested to spend a certain amount of days acting as his GF and let him leave his whole life in that period, so that after we be friends only were we barely spend time with each-other as we will give priority to other things in life, he will cling to his memories of these few days spent with me and will live with the same. He said he cannot even dream of going ahead with any other person, as he never ever even dreamt of loosing me, he has accepted me as his wife from his heart and cannot allocate same place to anybody else, as his thoughts for me are no school or college day love, that blooms and then vanishes which change in time or weather.
2) I tried maintaining the same for his sake and for the hake of moving out of this confused state of affair. But after some time I couldn’t carry on and when “K†informed me how much in pain he was, I gave up, all I did was I informed “K†about this contract kind of condition of “G†and requested him to co-operate. I also told him may be I will go ahead with him (“Kâ€). And then again we have been in constant touch, all the while hiding the same from “Gâ€. “G†did doubted that I am still seeing “K†irrespective of the promise I made to keep his condition. While I made a promise to “K†that I will not get physical with “Gâ€, while I knew that will not be possible as I am posing his GF, and I lied to “K†that we weren’t getting physical, till on Monday, the day after I posted the prob., he visited me when “G†was at work and found out about the truth.
3) “K†then confronted me why I didn’t tell him about “G†getting physical, or why I didn’t break the condition of “Gâ€, or why I didn’t call him for help….. when I didn’t reply he slapped me tight on face, and the last slap hit my left side ear and jaw bone, and it not only pained but also made my head go light and dizzy for some time, I fell on floor, and then “K†picked me up, placed me on my bed and broke hi mobile to pieces first, then used my mobile and called “G†and informed about it all.
4) “K†also informed not only about my not keeping the condition of “G†but also his having made me make the promise to him, while we met last time, when we were not in city, and as such I spent a whole day with “Kâ€, we stayed together and there we became physical (at his insistence which he didn’t inform “Gâ€), and then he made me promise. And then he waited for “G†to come back to my place to decide upon what should be done with me further.
5) “G†came back to my place at this ASAP, as usually it takes 45 to 60 mins from his office to my place on bike, while he reached in 25 mins then, I understand he took a huge speed and a great risk. He knew I was crying as he heard the same over phone while speaking to “Kâ€. They came to a point to decide decisions should not be left with me as I will always try to possess them both.
6) At this point they decided if “K†will now not want to be with me then “G†will stand by me, else “G†will walk out, but all this will happen only after the condition period is over. And I am not to decide anything. They came to a conclusion, that, the kind of person I am, even if both of them leave me, there will always be someone to love me, as I am lovable by what they have seen in me, and they know all my friends do care a lot for me, and there are a few guys who if know I am left alone would happily like to settle down with me. So its both of them who will be at loss of love and not me, so one of them will loose the other will not.
7) “K†informed after speaking to me personally and privately that he will wait for my call the whole day upon the end of the contract, if I don’t call he will accept that I have chosen “G†and will never interfere in my life again, while after personally and privately talking to me “G†informed its me who has to decide whom do I want after the said period being over, him or not.
8) During the said period “K†promised not to communicate any further “Gâ€, while “G†promised not getting physical to “Kâ€. while both haven’t kept there promises. “K†knows “G†went physical as he called to ask about it and I said the truth, while “G†does not yet know that “K†is seeing me everyday once he has left for office. “K†too got physical upon knowing the fact about broken promise of “Gâ€, and he everyday asks me if “G†has repeated the act, while I refuse, as “G†has not repeated the act after the first day. And “G†asks me if “K†has communicated, and I keep saying no, while he meets me everyday.
9) Since that day I am not keeping well and often my head goes light and dizzy, while “K†never felt bad about laying his hands on me till now, he tries to give reasons for his doing so.
10) Since then “K†often gets drunk at night and sms-es or calls me to let me know his feelings for me and cries …. He told he cannot think of a life without me and that he will keep me like a queen if I choose him. He will change himself as I want him to be and will never go against a single word of mine, and will leave drinking too.
11) “G†said after his next increment, he will request his parents and mine to get our marriage registered and declare it as official engagement as that is how it happens in our state, and after some time social marriage can be arranged, so that we move in together. He said he will be what he is now and as I see him now, if I need he may change a little for me, but I must learn to accept him the way he is, as he is accepting me the way I am. He never gets out due to drinks to express his feelings, while he does is simply by his act.
Please help me with some suggestion as I am dying to get a little peace in my life…… And the said condition gets over by the end of the second day from now, as such I need a resolution. Plssssssssssss ……
varun replied. Dear ____,
I can not call you fool at all, though I do feel you might have made mistakes, but the situations have really been cruel to you too.
I strongly reccomend you not to come under time-pressure tactics of the persons, both of whom you appear to be in love with! Life is no CAT exam to tick one option or the other. Please do not hurry yourself into a decision of either \" G\" or \" K\" by 26th.
I was a bit disappointed when I did not hear from you over the last week and I read you today just by chance!
Anyway, I still would stick to the scientifically correct suggestion that you may have to decline both of them for the time being and also go NO CONTACT with both of them. You need time to yourself to make up your own mind. Its going to be tough and almost kiiling but you got to do this. For your own sake for the sake of the person you would live your life with and the baby you two would parent. You must be able to leave this painful baggage behind before you get on with your life again, or else irrespective of the decision you take being wrong or right, you may only buy unhappiness for all concerned and which may in turn affect your very peace you are seeking today. I pray for your peace and strength and please do keep posting here.
Fool replied. Are you still in continued contact with either of them?
Re: Yes I am in contant communication with both of them
Do you still continue to be colleagues or at least live in the same city?
Re: We are no more colleagues, as we all are into different company and different possition with different job profiles now, but yet in same city, same locality (all are situated within 2KM diameter)
What is the status of relationship among the two?
Re: The two of them dislike each other as they both know how I feel about both.
Do you know if they are still waiting for a decision from you?
Re: Yes they want a decision from me within next two days, so that my life becomes peaceful, and they are clear about mine and there future too.
Meaning do both of them still want to marry and live the rest of their life with you, in case you agree to choose one and loose the other?
Re: Yes they both do, and they both keep telling me of all there emotions for me, whenever one gets the oportunity to do so, as they are aware that I will need to make a decision soon (by the end of the 2nd day from now)
sharri replied. i hope that you got my reply before i dont know if it was erase.Ill choose the one who doesnt hit me,you never know if he will continue to do it after marriage.
varun replied. I really feel sorry that you have found yourself in these situations. You have elaborated your case reasonably well, but I still have few questions. Are you still in continued contact with either of them? Do you still continue to be colleagues or at least live in the same city? What is the status of relationship among the two? Do you know if they are still waiting for a decision from you? Meaning do both of them still want to marry and live the rest of their life with you, in case you agree to choose one and loose the other?
In general people say when you have suffered a relationships problem, you need to allow a buffer time without contact with such partner(s) to recover completely from that and then only take fresh decision, or else you may be carrying the old baggage into the relationship that you walk into. In your case all the more so, because you are still considering a serious R or M with either of them. I fully appreciate your age and the fertility problem you emntioned, but please understand a new born child does not deserve your baggage for his/her life!
It appears you are not considering fresh R with a new person, why so? Please allow yourself time, understand yourself more, before you decide. Please do keep posting.
I wish you peace of mind and strength to take the best decisions for your life and that of your yet to conceived child.
2007-02-25
#1
Name: Concerned Subject: Stay cool and calm
Dear,
Detach yourself from both. Live your life for yourself for some time. Move out of the city and put your mind into something that keeps you busy and totally free from all these pressures. Relax, get back to your old friends, may be school or college friends. As far as possible, try not to get closer to any man at this moment, at your work place or even through this kind of SITE. I MEAN it. Get female friends, go out with them, enjoy their company. Cultivate female friends. There are men who volunteerily offer their shoulders to cry on at this moment of yours (I also mean through this site). Do not entertain any such. Beware!
Wish you a very joyful future. I will pray for your happiness.
Good Luck!
2007-02-25
#2
Name: mm Subject: Postpone the decision
U sure have messed up your life and are in a dilemma. You dont know what you want and I feel you need some emotional stability first before you take any decision. I would suggest that you move out of the city and break contacts with both of them for at least 6 months , till you can start thinking about what you really want.All you need is some good peace of mind and space to think straight. You r not a commodity that anyone shud bargaain for.You have to be tough and strong and move on with your life, love will always be found at the right time.
2007-02-24
#3
Name: varun Subject: NO, do not be a fool any longer...
The subject is the bottom line. You are not a rag doll for two guys to fight it out amongst themselves and decide who must have you!
Let me tell you that you must be a prized possesion to both of them as they describe by the word \" lovable\" but possibly neither of them love you as much as a troubled human being like you needs.
Give some respect and sanctity to your own body not to be abused by either of them. Tell me one thing in this tumultous condition of your mind did you enjoy sex with either of them? They have just abused you! Did you come for example?
Stop seeing both of them. I know what I am suggesting. Its going to be tough and killing but you must do it. STOP being abused. Strict NO CONTACT with both of them. If they do not respect it, leave your job, leave the city. Just run away from these two abusing men fighting over you forcing you almost to sex!
Do keep writing. I am eager to know that YOU have chosen your path, rather than being thrusted upon by either G or K. THEY JUST WANT TO POSSES YOU. DO NOT LOVE YOU.
In love one lets go! That neither of them are really willing to let go of you and thereby putting you theough more and more misery tells it all. Just quit both dear. Be on your own. Resoect and LOVE yourself. Do not allow others to abuse you in the name of love.
Wish you peace and will pray for you.
2007-02-24
#4
Name: Varun Subject: Yes, you deserve peace
Dear,
I really understand the difficult challenges life has thrown before you one after another, right from birth till date. I empathize with you, but life is NOT over, may be its just due to start for you. In spite of what you have undergone thus far, that you are still so lovable is a great quality that will lead you to live a life of peace. I want you to be strong and stand up to live your at your own call, not as an object in possesion of another.
YES, Please stop all contacts with both of them, its better to die one day once and for all than dying a milion deat every momment of 24X7. But I appeal to you to continue to post here, you do need friends even if they are faceless as I am to you, but please keep communicating with the world and society. All of it after all is not bad and they want you to live at peace and with all aspects of your life and also be a mther at the appropriate opportunity.
Be strong, I pray for your peace.
I have also been known as HBT on this board some time back. Will look forward to hear from you again and again.
2007-02-24
#5
Name: Varun Subject: Do not go away from here...
Dear,
I really understand the difficult challenges life has thrown before you one after another, right from birth till date. I empathize with you, but life is NOT over, may be its just due to start for you. In spite of what you have undergone thus far, that you are still so lovable is a great quality that will lead you to live a life of peace. I want you to be strong and stand up to live your at your own call, not as an object in possesion of another.
YES, Please stop all contacts with both of them, its better to die one day once and for all than dying a milion deat every momment of 24X7. But I appeal to you to continue to post here, you do need friends even if they are faceless as I am to you, but please keep communicating with the world and society. All of it after all is not bad and they want you to live at peace and with all aspects of your life and also be a mther at the appropriate opportunity.
Be strong, I pray for your peace.
I have also been known as HBT on this board some time back. Will look forward to hear from you again and again.
2007-02-24
#6
Name: fool tired now Subject: Thanks
Thanks a lot Varun. I will start by letting them know I dont wanna keep any communication with them, but if matters go worse will change ny job and city .....
Thanks for a wonderful advise and support. I trully feel broken from within when I think my life all over. Why its me only the chosen one to suffer for ever.....
Leave alone these problems, still I started to fight the battle of my life since the day I was born, I had complications upon birth as such I live with a permanent heart and kidney issue, which has no resolution. My life became tought very early, at the age of 6 and since then I am fighting the battle for something or other every moment ....
I needs a break .....
2007-02-24
#7
Name: Fool Subject: Pls help
I only get time to login to internet on weekends, so I myself have been anxiously waiting to login and find out some solution to my pitiable situation. Sometimes when I sit alone and think I myself feel pity on such a person, whose life is as messed up …..
Anyway would like to let you know some more facts, that have emerged within the week, as such I am trying to write further instead of reading:
1) I was in a situation for sometime now, were I was not suppose to see “K†at all, kind of a condition laid on me by “G†to be my friend forever while never again interfering in my life. He requested to spend a certain amount of days acting as his GF and let him leave his whole life in that period, so that after we be friends only were we barely spend time with each-other as we will give priority to other things in life, he will cling to his memories of these few days spent with me and will live with the same. He said he cannot even dream of going ahead with any other person, as he never ever even dreamt of loosing me, he has accepted me as his wife from his heart and cannot allocate same place to anybody else, as his thoughts for me are no school or college day love, that blooms and then vanishes which change in time or weather.
2) I tried maintaining the same for his sake and for the hake of moving out of this confused state of affair. But after some time I couldn’t carry on and when “K†informed me how much in pain he was, I gave up, all I did was I informed “K†about this contract kind of condition of “G†and requested him to co-operate. I also told him may be I will go ahead with him (“Kâ€). And then again we have been in constant touch, all the while hiding the same from “Gâ€. “G†did doubted that I am still seeing “K†irrespective of the promise I made to keep his condition. While I made a promise to “K†that I will not get physical with “Gâ€, while I knew that will not be possible as I am posing his GF, and I lied to “K†that we weren’t getting physical, till on Monday, the day after I posted the prob., he visited me when “G†was at work and found out about the truth.
3) “K†then confronted me why I didn’t tell him about “G†getting physical, or why I didn’t break the condition of “Gâ€, or why I didn’t call him for help….. when I didn’t reply he slapped me tight on face, and the last slap hit my left side ear and jaw bone, and it not only pained but also made my head go light and dizzy for some time, I fell on floor, and then “K†picked me up, placed me on my bed and broke hi mobile to pieces first, then used my mobile and called “G†and informed about it all.
4) “K†also informed not only about my not keeping the condition of “G†but also his having made me make the promise to him, while we met last time, when we were not in city, and as such I spent a whole day with “Kâ€, we stayed together and there we became physical (at his insistence which he didn’t inform “Gâ€), and then he made me promise. And then he waited for “G†to come back to my place to decide upon what should be done with me further.
5) “G†came back to my place at this ASAP, as usually it takes 45 to 60 mins from his office to my place on bike, while he reached in 25 mins then, I understand he took a huge speed and a great risk. He knew I was crying as he heard the same over phone while speaking to “Kâ€. They came to a point to decide decisions should not be left with me as I will always try to possess them both.
6) At this point they decided if “K†will now not want to be with me then “G†will stand by me, else “G†will walk out, but all this will happen only after the condition period is over. And I am not to decide anything. They came to a conclusion, that, the kind of person I am, even if both of them leave me, there will always be someone to love me, as I am lovable by what they have seen in me, and they know all my friends do care a lot for me, and there are a few guys who if know I am left alone would happily like to settle down with me. So its both of them who will be at loss of love and not me, so one of them will loose the other will not.
7) “K†informed after speaking to me personally and privately that he will wait for my call the whole day upon the end of the contract, if I don’t call he will accept that I have chosen “G†and will never interfere in my life again, while after personally and privately talking to me “G†informed its me who has to decide whom do I want after the said period being over, him or not.
8) During the said period “K†promised not to communicate any further “Gâ€, while “G†promised not getting physical to “Kâ€. while both haven’t kept there promises. “K†knows “G†went physical as he called to ask about it and I said the truth, while “G†does not yet know that “K†is seeing me everyday once he has left for office. “K†too got physical upon knowing the fact about broken promise of “Gâ€, and he everyday asks me if “G†has repeated the act, while I refuse, as “G†has not repeated the act after the first day. And “G†asks me if “K†has communicated, and I keep saying no, while he meets me everyday.
9) Since that day I am not keeping well and often my head goes light and dizzy, while “K†never felt bad about laying his hands on me till now, he tries to give reasons for his doing so.
10) Since then “K†often gets drunk at night and sms-es or calls me to let me know his feelings for me and cries …. He told he cannot think of a life without me and that he will keep me like a queen if I choose him. He will change himself as I want him to be and will never go against a single word of mine, and will leave drinking too.
11) “G†said after his next increment, he will request his parents and mine to get our marriage registered and declare it as official engagement as that is how it happens in our state, and after some time social marriage can be arranged, so that we move in together. He said he will be what he is now and as I see him now, if I need he may change a little for me, but I must learn to accept him the way he is, as he is accepting me the way I am. He never gets out due to drinks to express his feelings, while he does is simply by his act.
Please help me with some suggestion as I am dying to get a little peace in my life…… And the said condition gets over by the end of the second day from now, as such I need a resolution. Plssssssssssss ……
2007-02-24
#8
Name: varun Subject: Do not succumb to time pressure....
Dear ____,
I can not call you fool at all, though I do feel you might have made mistakes, but the situations have really been cruel to you too.
I strongly reccomend you not to come under time-pressure tactics of the persons, both of whom you appear to be in love with! Life is no CAT exam to tick one option or the other. Please do not hurry yourself into a decision of either \" G\" or \" K\" by 26th.
I was a bit disappointed when I did not hear from you over the last week and I read you today just by chance!
Anyway, I still would stick to the scientifically correct suggestion that you may have to decline both of them for the time being and also go NO CONTACT with both of them. You need time to yourself to make up your own mind. Its going to be tough and almost kiiling but you got to do this. For your own sake for the sake of the person you would live your life with and the baby you two would parent. You must be able to leave this painful baggage behind before you get on with your life again, or else irrespective of the decision you take being wrong or right, you may only buy unhappiness for all concerned and which may in turn affect your very peace you are seeking today. I pray for your peace and strength and please do keep posting here.
2007-02-24
#9
Name: Fool Subject: Please help
Are you still in continued contact with either of them?
Re: Yes I am in contant communication with both of them
Do you still continue to be colleagues or at least live in the same city?
Re: We are no more colleagues, as we all are into different company and different possition with different job profiles now, but yet in same city, same locality (all are situated within 2KM diameter)
What is the status of relationship among the two?
Re: The two of them dislike each other as they both know how I feel about both.
Do you know if they are still waiting for a decision from you?
Re: Yes they want a decision from me within next two days, so that my life becomes peaceful, and they are clear about mine and there future too.
Meaning do both of them still want to marry and live the rest of their life with you, in case you agree to choose one and loose the other?
Re: Yes they both do, and they both keep telling me of all there emotions for me, whenever one gets the oportunity to do so, as they are aware that I will need to make a decision soon (by the end of the 2nd day from now)
2007-02-23
#10
Name: sharri Subject: hi
i hope that you got my reply before i dont know if it was erase.Ill choose the one who doesnt hit me,you never know if he will continue to do it after marriage.
2007-02-20
#11
Name: varun Subject: unfortunate...
I really feel sorry that you have found yourself in these situations. You have elaborated your case reasonably well, but I still have few questions. Are you still in continued contact with either of them? Do you still continue to be colleagues or at least live in the same city? What is the status of relationship among the two? Do you know if they are still waiting for a decision from you? Meaning do both of them still want to marry and live the rest of their life with you, in case you agree to choose one and loose the other?
In general people say when you have suffered a relationships problem, you need to allow a buffer time without contact with such partner(s) to recover completely from that and then only take fresh decision, or else you may be carrying the old baggage into the relationship that you walk into. In your case all the more so, because you are still considering a serious R or M with either of them. I fully appreciate your age and the fertility problem you emntioned, but please understand a new born child does not deserve your baggage for his/her life!
It appears you are not considering fresh R with a new person, why so? Please allow yourself time, understand yourself more, before you decide. Please do keep posting.
I wish you peace of mind and strength to take the best decisions for your life and that of your yet to conceived child.
2007-02-22
#12
Name: pqr Subject: a hearty laugh........
That comment from S really made me roll on the floor...
May be the third should come only after the memory of the present two are completely erased out as options!
The write up of Varun appeared to mean so.
2007-02-21
#13
Name: S Subject: Not a good suggestion
Please do not recommend her to consider a fresh person. She already has trouble deciding between two, now she would have trouble deciding between 3!
All tips on Relationships
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
& Answers to Topic : Whom to marry?
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All tips on Relationships
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
& Answers to Topic : Whom to marry?
Subscribe to this conversation!
All tips on Relationships
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
There is no harm to make life exciting. There should be some spices. I have done threesomes with three couples and they are enjoying with more fun. So you should try it. My tg- hp2609. You can reach me... - Striker [View Message]
RE:Santhoshi mata's vrat.
Can I skip Santoshi mata fast for once this Friday? As its impossible in every condition to keep the fast as i am going to a remote place where such things can't be maintained? I've done more than 16 fasts with my pure heart. Will God forgive me if I skip this fast? Please reply fast. Its very urgent.... - Avika [View Message]
RE:Genuine Question
well priya its only natural to feel this attraction and lonliness. nothing wrong in it , only thing if any affair has to happen it will happen , if not , it will never happen. ... - rahul [View Message]
RE:RE:female or male sex capsules or some other assesori
I don't think would work. It would make one have garlic breath which could be a turnoff. I strongly feel that this is the time in their life to put down Kama sutra and take up some Yoga Sutra and religious books. Maybe she becomes like him too. More spiritual.... - Kim [View Message]
RE:RE:female or male sex capsules or some other assesori
Sm prolem here..what shoud i do..my huby dont listen anything... - Bindu [View Message]
RE:RE:female or male sex capsules or some other assesori
Stay cool and calm
NO, do not be a fool any longer...
Name: Varun
Yes, you deserve peace
hi
a hearty laugh........
Not a good suggestion
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