Relationships  Discussion Forum

Dear friends

I have written to this board previously. I have been married for 4 yrs, it was a love marriage. I am Hindu, husband is Muslim. Husband is only child and works in family business. My MIL is extremely insecure and for the first 2 yrs was interfering in our marriage. She used to tell my hubby not to visit my family or they are not allowed to visit at home, etc. I live in UK and my family live in India. I dont have anyone here. I tolerated for first 2 yrs, knowing that I was wrong to accept things. Then in the 3rd year, I left my husband for around 6 weeks and went to India to my parents, consideirng to end the marriage. Husband came to get me and we agreed that we would not invite MIL in our personal lives. I limited my visits to her, and hubby also visited my family. Things got better and then I got pregnant. Now I am 3 months preganant and have started feeling almost insecure. This is mainly since I know that MIL will start entering my life again, as she will be grand parents. Whilst I do not want to stop her from seeing my child, I do not want her to interfere in any decisions we make like children' s name, their religion (we have inter religiious marriage) what schools they will go to, etc. These days my MIL does not even ring me up or anything. Instead she asks my husband for information. I am afraid that she will start interfering and brainwashing my husband again. My husband trusts her blindly and I am sorry to admit, he is a mama' s boy. I get very stressed with the potential damage and inteference she can do in our life again. I have tried to tell husband to be careful, but it' s very difficult to convince him. He says that she is keeping a distance from me, so instead of cutting her out completely, he wants to keep her informed. He says he provides her minimal information only. I do not trust him, as I know he is very naive and I do not know how to control what he says and I know I cannot and should not even think so. Becuase of this, I am getting stressed and I am not gaining weight. I hope this does not affect my baby. Pls advise me how to handle any potential inteference from MIL to husband and to avoid the stress on myself. I dont know if I am being too selfish, but I am mentally scarred from what happened during early days of our marriage and at times do not trust relationship between husband and mother. Thank you sisters. care replied. Hi
I feel that all you worry about is your relationship with your husband. Finally he is his mothers boy and u cannot expect him to cut ties with her. You too r going to have a baby and will realise how bonded a mother and child are. So instead of worrying about his mother getting close to your husband, give him some space and also your love. If you try to control things that are out of your control, you will be tensed for nothing. Work on the things that are in ur control. Communicate with your husband about what u want the babys name to be , his religion, etc. Finally you r your babys mother and would be the decision maker.So dont worry over all these things, be happy, include your husband in this new found joy and enjoy and control ur life!! Cheers!! dia replied. I could see ur situation very well because Previously, I was in similar situation .But be confident that once u tried to break ur marriage and nothing can be happened more than it/
he love u very well and u realised that he cant loose u,right?
Then y do u feel insecurity? He realised that u r not going entertain her interference ,so he' ll definitely avoid her to that extent. OK?! .In ur first attempt to leave him, u were alone and he was not ready to loose u.Now u r gonna become too strong with ur child .now onwards he' ll have his child too with u and never can dare to loose both of u!! Be confident. He love u really and so he is not trying to rebuild bond btwn u and his mother. She cant damage ur life anymore. Trust in hubbby , (Not ur mil) .And be firm with ur decisions. If useem to be suspecting and avoiding him too much frm talking to his mother, he might feel annoyed and irritated.So dont do that/ Stay cool and confident !
Have a happy baby ! If u stay cool and tense free, ur baby will be born with same confident attitude.Keep this in mind and for ur baby' s sake, JUST be confident!!

Also,one another simple tip to get out of tense..Eat a chocolate and u get relaxed.Its proved that chocolates in pregnancy give us happy babies. Yes, I' m gifted with a happy baby too.
I used to feel insecured in my pregnancy but once my baby came out, his world is re built with her. and now.. I dont have any insucurity feelings in my mind. So stay cool and wait for ur cute baby!!