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I have a 4 yrs old daughter. My problem is that she always wants me to sleep with her even now. If I put her to sleep and move away she gets up immediately and comes to our bed (we have put a separate bed for her in our room itself). She wakes up many times in the night crying, bcoz of this, I cannot sleep properly in the night(Iam a working mother) and also our sex life is affecting. She sometimes cries to sleep on top of me, or i have to rub her legs or back for her to sleep. The moment I stop she gets up crying. My husband has to sleep alone everyday, I am afraid if he will get used to this habit of sleeping alone. I tried talking to her many times that she is big enough to sleep alone and all her other friends sleep alone. But nothing worked. Somedays I shout at her at force her to sleep alone, after that I feel very sad when I hear her cry to sleep. To avoid that I sleep with her.I am also scared if she will get mentally affected if I forcefully make her sleep alone. Please help me. How do I handle this problem. What is the right age when a child should start sleeping alone? Regards, Worried Mum alicia replied. first
let ur daughter sleep with u for some more months,as u r away from her she wants some security,
after she sleeps put her in a different cot. if she behaves well early morning give her sticker or something to appreciate her good behaviour .dont force her to sleep alone.
u can be very tired but a little tolerance is needed.
u can have sex with ur husband diff room or diff time.
also a bond and trust has to be formed if ur children have to obey you. shilpa replied. Hi Neena,
I think your daughter is feeling insecured.Don't force her to sleep alone right now. both of you try to feel her secure. As it is she is hampering your sleep now, so let her sleep with you for few months .At the same time try to make her more confident.May be you can tell her fairy tales while sleeping and tell how fairy helps all small childrens and so on.At this age they can gain confidence from such imaginary characters and it is no wrong I feel to make them dream about such things .They themselves come out of it when they grow. She should feel that somebody is there to protect me then she will not mind sleepin in the separate cot.Please don't force her .Otherwise it will worsen your problem . Nat replied. Hi Neena,
I have twin boys, 16 months and after the first 5 months when they slept in a cot in our room, we decided to put them in their room. I still had to get up and feed them at 2am, and afterwards I would take them back to their room. Now they sleep alone through the night, and in fact they can not go to sleep easily if I am with them. I think it is all a matter of getting them used to it, and the younger they are the easier. Anyway... maybe if you have a second baby you can try and put her/him in their room when they are young enough not realise they are away from you.

However, you have to be strong if you want to solve this problem with your daughter. Perhaps you should try making her sleep in a separate room to yours, and in the begining you can sleep with her, then as she gets used to the different room, maybe you can just stay with her while she falls asleep then leave her for the night. However if you do not have a second room or don't want her to go in a separate room you must not give in to her crying. If she is fed, she has drunk, she has no pain then there is no real reason for her to cry except to emotionally blackmail you. Trust me, all kids do it, not because they are bad, but because that is the only way they know how to get what they want from us, whether it is with tears or with really cute smile. So once you decide to make her sleep in her bed you must not let her get out of it again, and especially not to come to your bed. Let her cry for a while, say 15 minutes, then go an sit on her bed and calm her down. Once she is calm, move to your bed. If she starts crying just let her. I know it is hard, but if you give in once she knows if she cries hard enough she will get her way again and again. Don't feel guilty agaout it, you are not doing anything that is bad for the child, in fact it is good for her to sleep alone. Also you have to think of your marriage. Do not make the common mistake of always putting your children's needs in front of your husbands needs and your own needs. Your intimacy is as important not only to you, but if you have a happy marriage, your child will have happy parents and a happy family. So when you feel sad and think of giving in to her crying think of that! You will have a few sleepless nights, maybe take some holiday to do it. I think the trick is not to go back on your word. Once you tell her 'Darling you must stay in your bed' then no matter what she tries, you must not give in.

I hope you have the strength to do it.

Good luck,
Nat