Planning a Baby  Discussion Forum

All friends out here,
I have written to you before on my conception at the third ivf and the associated news. I am here to share that I went for a sonogram this morning and everything looked good and the doctor showed me 3 sacks with 3 heart beats visible on each of them. We were asked to meet a parinatologist who deals with such high risk pregnancies regarding consultation on triplet pregnancy and we met him yesterday. From what we talked to him, he said that triplets are much harder risk for a small person like me who is 5'4'' tall. He said because of the shortage of room, it could happen that the babies much be much premature like 24 weeks or so. He said between singleton and twins there may not be much diff but it exponentially increases between twins and triplets. This means issues to me as well as the babies.

I knew about the triplets two weeks ago but was very hesitant to make the decision as it was a threat whatever way we go. I was and still feel emotional on giving up a baby with life. On the other hand continuing with triplets seemed like a threat from what my RE said but he said meet the parinatologist for exact advice. The parinatolotist seems to strongly suggest to consider reduction considering my size. To me while the emotional feeling may make me feel guilty, a healthy baby is all I want and I do not want to compromise on the health of the babies due to any cause. My husabnd is of the opinion that considering my and the babies health we should go for the reduction. He says that there was one occassion in past when we had a miscarriage, there could have been some without knowledge and what is the diff., its not in our hands and we can avoid some risks only this way. He says there are so many people who do abortions and this is only something we do to help the health of other babies. I need to make a decision in next 2 weeks and am more leaning towards reduction though I think I need a lot of preparation to make myself come out of the guilt and the emotion. Please suggest if any.

One more thing. So far the fact that we were going for ivf is not known to our friends, family. When we heard of triplets too I was thinking of using like Clomid as the cause. But now my husband keeps saying that we should tell this to parents and make them part of the decision , they would have seen much in life and can keep us in right track. But friends, this worries me a lot. My in laws though have not bugged me when it comes to kids, they do comment on many other things. I am worried that after all the struggle so far to keep this away from them to avoid any unpleasant comments, if we say this now they would come to know of everything, may be including that I've PCOS , dont know how they will comment it. According to them even in normal things their son is the best and I dont do things right. I have tried to be so sincere with them before and got only hurt with all this and so did not have the mindset to share our struggles for babies with them. I dont even know if to tell them about ivf or just clomid. Moreover the doctors here know about the conditions here and we can estimate based on what we want to do. The parents are in India and they may not be able to visualize everything. My parents for example might be terrified if I say all this. I dont want to cause that trouble to them either. I just want to tell both sides parents good news on twins and if comes the qn., tell them that I used some medicine that has side affects to cause twins. But am worried how I can convince my husband on this. I dont want him to bug me in future that it is me who forced him to hide from his parents. But if we tell this, my peace would be gone from there. Please help me. Rainbow replied. All,

Thank you for your wonderful advices and experiences. They do show how you care about others on this board. I just wanted to clarify and answer a few questions here.
My as well as my husbands priority is to do anything needed to have a healthy baby. By reduction I meant reducing to 2. Since from the parinatologist's experience, holding triplets in general and specially for my size is difficult and could cause harm to all the babies. When triplets are reduced to twins, they behave like normal twin conceptions and I would be able to manage fine. Ladies, I know the pain of waiting to conceive and I would resent abortion, but please put me in your shoes and think about it. When you hear of so many concerns from the doctors, how can you just keep it aside and go ahead to have all the 3 with constant fear of how early they would come out (as triplets told to come out very very early like 24 weeks too) and how would they survive etc. I am trying my best to keep the emotional factor aside and take a wise decision and need help from you all for that. I would remind again that I have gone through the pain and would love to have many many babies. But not at the cost of harming other babies. I hope you all understand the intention. Thanks again.
hopingfortejas replied. Hey ,

I also think it will be abetter idea to remove one baby :( .. i know it does sound inhumane but as you say .. the lives of the other two will also be at stake .. but this is indeed a very difficult decison , even thinking abt it makes me cringe ...!! hope God gives you the emotional/physical strnegth to undergo this ..

As far as telling parents, i agree with you , if you think it is just going to add to the exisitng problems , then it would eb best not to tell them .. try to convince your hubby abt it ...

Good luck , and plz dont stress ur self too much , this is awonderful thing with very very few problems ... try to remain focussed on the fact that you are going to have two(or three :)..) bundles of joy SOON ...

-P Manisha replied. Hi Rainbow,
First of all, congratulations on conceiving - it is a great thing!!! And a triple bumper is super! :-)I can imagine the worries associated with this, though....

Just one thing - I would suggest that involving your in laws and parents will be a wise decision, as the life of your babies should not start with a few intentionally hidden truths. It is a very small world, and suddenly if they come to know through someone else, they will be very hurt to realise that their own children have not told them anything. We might be anywhere in the world, but we always draw support from our family in India.

At least in my case, though initially my in laws were very wary of the treatment, they are very supportive now.
Of course, this is my case, and yours might be different. Just my 2 bits :-)

Anyways, you take care of yourself and right now, dont stress yourselves thinking about all this. I am sure the opportunity will present itself that you can take the right decision.

Love,
Manisha. z replied. Hi,
I feel if u r endangering the lives of all three, go ahead and get 1 removed. But check with the Dr if this procedure will put the other 2 in danger. I know its a tough decision especially after mths of trying but the outcome should be healthy baby/babies and u must do anything u can to make sure thy arrive healthy and nearing full term.
I donn't think you need to tell anyone about the treatment at all. U have to share your fears with hubby and convince him that this the best approach strawberrypink replied. My heart pours for you.Just can't imagine what ur going thru.We all wait that we conceive but after that if this is the case another headache starts.
Reduction means u ll take out all the 3 babies or just 1?
I feel have trust in god take good rest and do everything thing u want,but pls don't go for abortion.I really don't think we have to do that if the baby is health.We all are human beings we can't stay with that guilt for the rest of our life.why iam saying this is coz -
Recently a friend of mine went to India(urgency)when she was 41/2mths n she had a misscarriage,like the baby's leg came out,she tried her best to keep the baby but cudn't,later she had to get it aborted.the out come is not she feels very guilty about it.she can't forget the heart beat of the baby.Pls even u have got this in ur 3rd IVF so be careful about ur decissions.
I feel there is no necessity to tell others,including family members.we never know their nature.in my frnds house they blame her for the cause.so pls tackle it ur self n don't loose hopes.
We all want babies when we get them we shd try to keep them.

My prayer r with u,do let us know what happens next.
Good Luck