Family  Discussion Forum

Name: Hermetic prince

Hi all,

I am 30 years old male.. I am married having a kid who is 3 years old. I am the only so to my parents. Let me say something about myself. My father and mother brought me up along with difficult financial conditions in my childhood. As far as I know I never disappointed them in anyway. I was a top scorer in school/ gold medalist in college. I never forced or urged my father to buy anything that I liked most considering the financial position and problems. When I entered my college, the house finance position improved. I got employed in a good reputed IT concern started earning money. I was returning almost half of it to home. I never bought anything for me. When the marriage was fixed, I was upright to them, I told them that from that month onwards I won't be giving my salary to them. They were not dependent on my salary anyways. They were not having any loans either. They were cool with that. Just one month before my marriage I started to learn how to drive both two wheeler and four wheelers. I got my driver's license. I wanted to buy a 125cc bike but my father insisted on buying a 80cc gearless vehicle. While I completely agree that a gearless vehicle can be driven by my future wife, I wanted to buy a bike because I wished to buy one long ago.
I went on buying the bike against my father's decision. I don't know whether that is the starting point for all the problems in my life. I don't know why all my likes / dislikes are completely different from my father's.
I got married and I have a wife who understands all the problems. I and my wife, we moved together in Mysore. My parents stayed back in hometown.My parents didn't allow me to select anything for the home. They bought almost everything for the new home no matter whether I/my newly wedded wife like it or not.
As part of job I had to move from Mysore and settle in Bangalore, my father insisted that he would come and find the right home for me. I was against it coz be it right or wrong I wanted it to be my decision. I thought of taking them to the new home, once I took the decision. He was furious on this and even stepped out of home without informing anyone in Mysore. At that time I was travelling to Bangalore, I felt really down. Deep down I know that I didn't do anything wrong. All I wanted is, that I take my own decision. But bcoz my father is upset and bcoz my mother cried on this, I asked sorry for speaking against my father. To my belief, I am not a guy who would use harsh words for voicing out opinion. After all the above events, still life was smooth with my parents.
I was settled in Bangalore. I started getting calls from my father/mother. They were frequently falling sick/ill. Once my father was there in a bank, suddenly some medical issue in his eye, one of the blood vessels in his eye, burst out and he couldn't see. I got a call from my hometown that my father was admitted under this circumstance, in a hospital but he was ok and recovering.
I am the only son and I got an urge to quit my job to go back to hometown. It was not an easy decision and it was difficult to convince my wife. But eventually she understood.
I moved back to my home town now and staying with my parents. I got a job in a school. It is been 2 years and not even one day goes peacefully. There are always differences and decisions taken by father. My wife though she is not forcing me to take the decisions, I am getting the vibe that she wants me to.

We started building a home now. Almost every decision taken, during the course, is always what my father wishes and not even one is mine/my wife's. It builds pressure on my life.

It was I in a class of 100, when I was young, said to the crowd that I love my father and he is my role model in many cases. It feels hard inside even to type about all this on a public forum. It was me who took the decision to leave out my passionate job in Bangalore and take a job in my hometown. I am trying and putting my hard work in the new job to make it passionate to me. Leaving them alone and going out of the house, is not an option.

I understand this post is lengthy. I will wind up. I haven't mentioned about my wife's family and the indirect pressure that put on me to overcome my father, all the time. I just need to hear others views and suggestions on this.

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