Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi All,
Iam new to this group for posting but a silent reader for a long time. I read all the suggestions and helpings each other, it is soo gud. I would like to share few thots with you and get some help too from you all.
We (me and husband) are abroad now for 6 mon now. When i was in india i used to get lot of support from my MOM there so i never worried abt housework, i was working even at that time.
But now i have quit my job, but even i could not do all the household myself as i cannot keep a maid as it is expensive here. There i had ppl for everything, here i miss them. And due to this we have frequent fights betn us. Iam not able to complete all the household myself. And my hubby is a person who takes variety food (fresh at all times) bcos he was with a company in india who provide excellent food at office all the time(this could be the reason i never worried in india) but in a forign country we shd not expect all that.
so i have all the pressure on me. i try to make variety but sometimes i fed up.
He wants me to keep the house clean and of course i agree this but sometimes i founf myself so tired and leave a chance to that for us to fight for this.
And also i never did all those like b4 marriage. however i try to learn now, sleeping is one luxury i got b4 wedding. i used to sleep in early morning and i like that very much but my hubby is damn opposite to me. Even we had fights for this in india but all other aspects beat this so i escaped there, but here since i have prepare BF and lunch i fight myself to gey up atleast at 6.30 and work.
Nowadys we get frequent fights and i started to feel doesnt he like me??
i feel is this due to iam not earning money.
Nowadys only if i do all tasty food he responds to me otherwise he keeps mum. whenever i ask him something abt tripping out he says no leave for him. Even sat and sun he wont come out as he says he has more pressure at office.
i accept this and keep quiet but sometimes i fight with him to come out and super fights will start by then.
IS this all due to me financially depending on him? i wonder why this happens to me?
friends do u face this too??
when i have my periods it will give pain to the hell and i ask him to fix his BF and lunch as i will say i will somehow manage with leftovers he will say ok u take rest but once he starts to make food he will start to moan himself. Not even a word of asking me how am i?
he will just make a move to office. As if i simply i lie down and iam so gud in health, only he is the person suffers.
i really wonder these ppl never have humanity towards who suffer.
His mom was a person at home all the time and got used to it but i was working na and iam searching for a job here now.
His mom makes all new dishes all time and he got used to this, he never touches bread or noodles here as he say he never have ate that b4 when he was young. ppl shd adjust to places na?
i see mistake in me too, im not a perfectionist.
but he could more supportive na?
now i wonder whether i am wrong?
Plz help me with ur words what shd i do?
previously he was so loving and gud and now he is not what shd i do get his love back?
minu replied. Now I have 2 children 5 and 3. but when i get married and came to singapore, I got preg wit my first child. It was quiet boring at that time no friends and hv to do all the house work and making bf, lunch and dinner. No time for us. But I tried to do it b4 my hubby comes. I used to go to jurong library used to take cooking book and used to try new dishes.
I think its yr phase and as yr time goes by u wil adjust dear.
Just the key word DONT FIGHT OR ARGUE WITH YR HUBBY. It useless and crate more problem than a help. PPP replied. Well Said Swapna. I totally agree with you.
Jaanu, you need to change yourself for good. It might be difficult initially, but you need to give a try.
For preparing breakfast, you can cut most of the vegetables at night itself, morning you will just have to prepare it and pack it for him.
After that you can clean bedroom, kitchen etc. For different recepies you can take help of internet, even for you also it will be a change of food and you can win over him.
Right now you can escape with some reasons, but when you have kid there is no chance for you to escape.
In foreign country, it is kind of very depressing, so you need to get busy by doing something.
Once you start showing some interests in doing household chores, your husband might also encourage you.
There is nothing much for me to say, as everybody else has mentioned.
Take care and be happy. Swapna replied. Hi

Im compelled to write today for your post,though Ive been refraining on posting anything on this site.Im so sorry to say this,but you need to change your attitude.I gather that you dont work and have no kids.So ,what's the problem in cooking at home?Its just the 2 of you.I was working in India too before getting married and was never used to household chores.After my relocation to US,I really enjoy doing what I do for my home.After all its my home.I need to keep it clean and nice all the time.I stay home full time ,so this cooking,cleaning and rearranging and decoration my home keeps me occupied.You have all the time in the world to sleep.Household chores take only around 4 hours per day.I cook breaafast,2 lunches(one for my hubby's box and the other one for me -a lil different as Im execting now) and my dinner.There is nothing like fresh cooked food eaten at home.Im not cooking for a party ,its just the 2 of us.I knew next to nothing in cooking before my wedding.I learnt a few things by trial and error initially.Now ,my hubby falls for whatever I dish out on the table.He's so addicted to what I cook that he says I need to cook for him even if my mom or mil comes here after the baby is born..lol.
There is a saying that the easiest way to a man's heart is thru his stomach.Men are food lovers.You need to play your cards right.I do not know how long youve been married,but fights and arguments do not help at all.You only tend to grow apart.I gave in to whatever my hubby wanted in the first 2 years of my marriage.He names it,he has it.No talking back,no back answering and no arguments.Now my hubby does whatever I say.I rule the house.He knows he cannot survive without me.Im far along in my preganancy and Im having all the aches and pains ,finding it difficult to move around the house carrying the load.But yet,I still cook 3 times a day.I never compromise on that.My hubby helps me on other things like cleaning and laundry now.
So,do not fight and argue.That only makes you a weak person in his eyes.He's not asking much from you.Being a home maker is not very difficult.You need to enjoy doing these things for the family.There are superwomen out there who juggle work,home and kids and still find time to do some other fulfulling stuff.
Nidhibedi has given you some wonderful tips.That should help you. venkat replied. ask ur hubby to change his way of life... 5-6 dishes ... wow.. it is a feast to me...

ask him to take u out on weekends. i assume u do not have a baby.... now itself u r tired.. have a baby and then u will know.. how tough it is.. baby will eat ur brains out..

ask ur hubby to change a little for u also..

i am also newly married .. even my wife never did anything when she was not married. now she does all cooking and work. but i make sure i take her out for a change on weekends.. we have a baby also.. life is really hectic but i find time..otherwise we both will seperate due to soo much stress..

as someone earlier said marriage is compromise.. we r young educated people we shud enjoy and try to adjust for each other and that u r alone with
hubby u shud be enjoying more ..

but at the same time remember no matter how considerate a man is.. house task is still the area of woemen..u have to learn to change also a little.. once u people have a child.. this will be a nightmare for u.. so better u also change and so does ur hubby who expect u to be like his mom... AAA replied. Hi,

You should not expect the life you had before your marriage. Now you are married and you should adjust to the circumstances. I was also like you before marriage, i can say that i was like a queen. But now life has been changed....

Do not take me wrong here. Think positive, you should work hard in order to make your relationship works.

About preparing food,,, you can cut veg in your free time and keep it into the ref...... you can buy forzen parata outside at NTUC... and keep it in ref..... it takes 2 minutes to fry it on the pan and also it tastes good... ( you can make this as a quick dish). When you go MUSTAFA center. Buy some frozen varieties.... if you feel very tired to prepare food.

Do not orgue with your husband for small and silly matters. You cannot get anything except hatred, ignorance etc. Show your charming and smily face when your hubby back from office. Love him the way you would want to be loved.

I am also staying in Singapore... if you need any suggestion let me know.

Bye
Vipin replied. Jaanu,
We have faced the same problems after coming abroad. You would always ( till your death) have to do household chores when living abroad including dishwashing, vaccum cleaning, maintaining your house, painting, assembling, cleaning car, mowing lawn etc. which will make your life hell. What's the point? It seems you were pretty well settled in India then there is no point coming abroad. Your husband will keep going further from you. There is also the fear of your husband falling for some 'gori'. I don't know in which country you are but will advise you to go back to india where you have domestic help and have a good job. That is where you will find time with your husband and your marriage will survive.
People come abroad when they are NOT settled in India.
I am also going back for good.
Best of luck and post back.
best regards
Vipin nidhibedi replied. Hey I hope my suggestions would help you..I am in US.. nidhibedi replied. Hi Jaanu,

One thing I would lke to say is lot of thing changes after marriage..Marriage is more of a compromise than fun..but yes u have the right to have fun too!!
I understand these husbands wants their wifes to be perfectionist or may be atleast should resemble their mom :)) I was also working in India and when i moved here i got pregnant and then had baby so there was no quo that i cud work..but luckily my hubby is little more supportive and adjusting to food stuff..he gets happy with maggie also..
Now this is what I think u can do..
You can cook the lunch for ur hubbys office he previous night itself..this way u wud only have to make him breakfst in the morning..and u can take a little more time with ur sleep..thats what I do.i prepare subzi the previous night..and in mornning one less thing to worry about..Now..if u say he wants different dishes at all times..one day u can cook 5-6 dishes..i mean half cook them and refrigerate them withour telling ur husband and then in just minutes ur food will be ready..now what u can slo do is that download some quic and easy receipes from Internet sites and learn few easy dihses..

Now once he leaves for office..u can go back to sleep and once u awake say by 11-12 u can just do a little cleaning..we do weekly cleaning of the house ..i do just little every day..i mean just keep things in places ..rest all househlod kitchen etc is a weekly task that we both share..u can always ask ur hubby for the same and ecplain that u wil really appreciate that..

u know the best thing I feel is that u shud discuss and communicate things with ur hubby..talk with him..explain him,..u gotta explain him and tell him ppl dont change overnight and it requires a lot of support and understanding from the another one too!! when he is angry ,u shud get quiet and just listen..dont argue..but ecplain him once he cools down and is in good mood..BTW where r u in US?

I guess this shud help u a little..Good Luck!!