Planning a Baby  Discussion Forum

I am an Indian women living in bangalore, ny husband wants to adopt but I am sceptical because we have reached to this decison beacusr of his infertility and I had gone through 2 rounds of IVF, during which I did not receive any emotional support from him.

I have a pent up negativity because of this.

And I have my fears regarding adoption like,

-what if I dont love my adopted child?

-I feel like a failure going through adoption as its the second option and because of no fault of mine?

-what if the adopted child doesn't like me?

-Do adopted kids search and yearn for their birth parents as depicted in movies?

On the top of these, on expressing these fears to my husband, he gave me an ultimatum of agreeing for adoption or us getting seperated..and Iam not able to digest the fact that he doesn't want me if there are no kids.

JSinha replied. You should know something. Having a child will not "fix" your marriage, or "solve" any individual issues you or your husband have (eg. his insecurities maybe). If his options to you are to adopt a child or separate, he is clearly not ready at this time to parent a child. Ultimatums do not run marriages; compromises do. If you are feeling resentful or any other negative emotions, this may latch on to this child you adopt later on in life, since you can't deal with these feelings directly with your husband. No child deserves that. If your spouse cannot be unified with you, you are both not emotionally and mentally ready to foster a healthy, happy home for a child. I suggest seriously considering therapy or marriage counseling to ready yourselves for a 1) healthy marriage and THEN 2) a child. JSinha replied. Hi Asha,
I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time in your marriage. I would advise the following:
1) Consider the fact that your husband's infertility could be causing him a great deal of insecurity. Possibly low self-esteem and lack of confidence. Often people respond to these feelings by putting someone else down in order to make themselves feel worthwhile. Is it possible he's experiencing these feelings? If so, he needs help in understanding and dealing with these in a healthy way, for long-term. Consider couples therapy or marriage counseling to talk about all or any of your issues in a safe zone like with a licensed therapist. This will not only help him, but help you help yourself, and also help him if needed.

2) I personally know of adopted kids who absolutely love and adore their adoptive parents. Kids usually have a curiosity to know more about their birth parents mostly because it's a way to learn more about themselves. But if you foster a healthy, happy, trusting, and transparent relationship with your adopted child, he/she will love and care for you all the same. Don't be afraid if they ask questions or become curious to learn about their birth parents - it's natural, healthy, and you can help them in this quest, be a part of their journey. Show them that you understand their feelings and participate in active discussions with them to keep the communication transparent and keep your relationships loyal. nandu replied. hello bala,
veet is not that much good i used it, and i dont like at all, my friends also use same till now, but she now used to for veet, and she like , so there is no problem to use veet. krish replied. Hi
I m healthy with high sperm count. If you wish to have sperm I can help. I am Brahmin, Veg with daily meditation etc., My son is IIT Topper. Also I can guide how to teach upcoming child when mother is pregnant. Also some methods adopted in my lifestyle to take my son as IIT Topper.
Only after meeting you for personal discussion this can be done. If your husband agrees nothing like it. msg me