Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi everyone,

Wanted to know how many of u...those who have jobs give ur full salary to ur hubby's after knowing few things which i realised....
I used to give him full of my salary during our first year of marriage....to which during fights he said that if u have given me salary u have had food 4 times a day...so think like that...Moreover he has never till date bought anything in my name...i mean to say property or say anything...everything is in his name....he also put fake signature in one of my post office savings account and without me knowing made it a joint account.After all these incidents i stopped giving my salary to him as i feel very insecure...he does not buy anything for me when i require and says that its money waste...i have to buy everything for me to satisfy my need....i share with him the household expenditure....and also our servants salary....he always threatens to leave me...and has created an issue saying that my parents have not given any dowry to him....though its true..:-( ours was luv marriage and my parents were agaianst it..so they did not support us...to which i also feel dishearted...but then wht to do....he says the whole grudge he will finish on me...listening to all this i really feel like leaving him...but i hae a child/?????????no idea...he says that all girls give their salary to their hubby to which i said they r not like u.....he s a cheater..pls advice me and do share ur expe...also
Smart Girl replied. Hi, I did not went for love marriage, but a simple suggestion, face him strongly, keep ur separate bank a/c, remind him of his \" 7 feras\" , mind it its his responsibility to provide u rati, kapra aur makaan, ladies r only helping hand. And incase he talks of separtion that shows that he doesn.t love u, so strongly tell him that u r prepared for the same. Hey, make sure that u r actually prepared to live ur life all alone independently. Also u can speak to ur parents incase u feel like.
To be really true, it seems he doesn't love u.
Well in my case, i dont giv or tak a single penny from my hubby. XZY replied. Hello Poonam,
Your situation and my situation is same: Love marriage, no dowry, later husband and his people harassing me for dowry etc.
Even I have to undergo all these crap initially. All my salary used to go to our joint account and he used to send money to his people and buy property for his mother. When i ask him, he used to say \" get out of my house, i have given you life by marrying you\" . After first kid my friends suggested me to stop working. As we lived in US, I took full oppurtunity of this and stopped working. He took care of food, shelter of me and baby, but for any expense, he never used to give money. Then I used to do baby sitting etc and earn secretly for my own expense. Later he understood without one's salary it is difficult for any savings.
After few years, i joined back to job and still the same situation, but i have gained the courage to ask about the money expenses etc and buy whatever i want, he still creates problem for everything, but still i have buy for myself and kids. Now he has started telling that he wants to save for his own security.
You have to take courage and time will slowly change everything. Keep faith.
It is very sad that we women's have to go thru such hell.
If possible from your pay check, make extra deductions towards your savings like retirement savings etc.
Find out options where you can save for yourselves.
Rakhi replied. Hi Poonam,

Well your husband seems to be in doubt …This is for sure that for successful marriage trust and faith are the most essential ingredients . Well in my case I am earning better than my hubby and hate to keep record of each and every item , bills, expenditure etc. So I give my full salary to my husband to manage the house. He gives money to me as and when I ask . We do have misunderstandings and fight on trivial issues. But he has registered car and home in my name so I sort of respect him too.

The worst part in ur case is he is copying your signature which I really found very shocking. That type of person is hard to trust . Still as u said you can not go back to ur parents home talk to him politely , discuss ur issues with him and if possible go to your parents home or on tour for few days in order to realize ur importance in his life.

Discuss about your kid’s future with him . Save money in the name of ur kid’s future. If he is sensible enough he will understand meaning of your words,
All the best

d replied. hey i know how u feel. i was in same state till last year.but this year i wisened up and let my husband know i will not take nonsense from him. u need to stand up to your husband. he is just milking your fear.dont let him continue.In laws always eye for the girl's family status and how much money they can bring to their houses.but dowry and husband joining in can be the worst combo.take one step at a time.go ou with your son alone on weekends.and salary try to put some in your name where ur husband doesnt know about it. and as far as him telling he is giving 4 meals /day to u ,tell him u are not eating for free but earning it.your salary is your hard earned money u have right on it. its your time away from your baby.try for a temporary separation. It will be to drill some sense into your hubby . hey it worked for me ,it might work for u to. When i took that drastic step ,i was alone didnt have money and didnt know what i wud do next.but it helped me drive some sense into my husband. He was also milking my fear.Once u are separated frm your husband he will realize your value.try it .post back. sensible person replied. is that you both have a communication problem and a couple of misunderstandings.
1. you dont trust him with your money, he doesnt trust you with your money.
2. he expected dowry from you and when he didnt get it, he wants your salary, that is the most awful thing about your marriage. He needs to grow up and be mature about it.
3. He probably things your spending your salary on someone or something, and probably feels cheated.
4. somewhere long the line, you people have stopped trusting each other.
5. you have to have some money or some property or something in your name, as you said your folks are disappointed with you and wont support you, incase your hubby leaves you, you need rock solid ground to land upon.
6. if he threatens to leave you, issue him the same threat, lets see how much guts he has by leaving a working wife.
7. no,. wives dont give their salaries to their husbands, neither do husbands make such unreasonable demands, unless they are in a financial quake. my mum earned a good amount, and never spent it on herself or the family, but saved it, and it comes handy from time to time.
8. you both need to sit down and talk, talk rationally, dont fight, try to understand each other';s viewpoints. maybe to placate him you could place a certain amount of your salary in his hand, and keep the substantial for yourself. You should explain to him that since he is so immature, you dont trust him with financial decisions, make him understand that his financial viewpoint makes you feel insecure, and that you are doing what you are doing only for your child. ash replied. I understand that your husband does tell u things which hurts you.

Now what is the problem basically, is it because he spends all your money in the expense of the family that too belongs to you.

Do you think money is everthing. Why you are thinking of leaving him. Now you have already carved your life in such a way that your relatives or even parents will never stand by you to console or help you.

Now dont ever think of leaving him, if you leave him your life will become worse than now.


You see , your husband is using your money for the benefits of your family only.It is not that he is spending your money in gambling , drinking or someother evil things.


You got to now compromise only, if you cant then it will show that you are after money only , you dont love your husband and your family.............


Regards

Ash

fd replied. hey poonam

MCP= Male chauvanist PIG

well u took the right decision....basically what ur hubby wants is a pativrata ....who will cook, clean, have sex, and keep mum....no questions asked and only replies when asked too.

Like a puppet

But i know for educated people its very difficult

i m happily married ...no issues or problems....but i had to leave my job due to my child( noone to take care of her),,,,,,and m lonely at times as my hubby is very busy with his work....so feels frustuated.

keep me updated as to how is it going with ur hubby.

And dont back answer....it hurts them more......be cool....

take care fd replied. hey poonam

Listeneing to ur story i feel, u are wasting ur life leaving with a husband whose thinking is so backward

1) He wants u to give ur salary to him but as a husband he never gifts u anything from his own pocket.....what men! its husbands duty to be a breadwinner and if u are also earning, its optional....its not ur responsibility....

2) its a big cheating to add his name in ur post office a/c.....are u putting all ur savings there....then open a secret a/c and put all ur cheq books and related matters at ur office or ur mom's place

3) if he is asking for dowry even after ur love marriage...i mean dose he really love u???
In this age who gives dowry...u are earning and helping him run the house, he should be thankful for that.

4) I suggest , as u are already earning, why dont u leave him? u are on your own.....no point in living ur life with a husband who taunts u, u cheats u monetarily and u dosenot take any property in ur name or joint name....what will u do , if he has a secret affair and leaves u.

I mean i will never live with my hubby who is doing all this to u....

Husband and wife realtion should be pure, honest and on trust.

LEave him....he is no good for u.

And yes, for u first question, i used to share my salary with my hubby when i used to work and i didnot save anything for me....but it was never his money or my money....it was our money....and he used to buy everything in my name and fulfilled all my shopping quest if i runout of my money from my a/c.

Wish u all the best.

One more thing...how is he attached to ur child...as that is the reason u dont want to leave him???
KUNJULAKSHMI replied. Your husband seems to be a smat cheater.

Whatever balance you have from your salary save it on your child's name and your name. This IDIOT will cheat you defenitely. If he is ready to put your sign and cheat you, don't believe this guy. He is having a long eye of cheating in future, no doubt. Share all expenses together, let him save his money in his name and you save your money in your name.

What is wrong???? If he complain, you ask him to put his balance in your account. Some GENTS will say IF YOU BELIEVE ME YOU WILL HEAR WHAT I SAY, to cheat the poor innocent girls. You can tell him to BELIEVE YOU AND PUT HIS MONEY IN YOUR ACCOUNT, and hear what he is saying!!!!.

You will be on the street when you loose your working ability.

Wish you GOODLUCK