Relationships  Discussion Forum

Please help..
I am a stay home wife in India in a joint family. My husband has to go out of town for business trips for 3-4 days. Last time when he went on trip, my BIL came to my room when I was sleeping. He stood next to me for few minutes touched my head and gently patted me on my head and went out. I woke up but pretended to sleep. He did the same thing next day and stayed for little longer. On Day 3 he did the same thing and then he started playing with my hair, neck and put his hands in my blouse and gently started fondling. I was so newvous and scared and pretended to sleep. He left after 10 minutes, Day 4 he did the same thing plus tried to open my blouse buttons. I was so scared and nervous I started moving a little as if I am going to wake and then he immediately left.

I am scred to tell this to my husband and don’t know what to do. I am only 19 yrs and was married to my husband 5 months back..had arranged marriage…very wealthy and socially respected business class family…I came from a very conservative family and I am very shy by nature, I am really tense with the situation. My husband is in town now and nothing happned after that, but I want to know how to handle the situation next time. I am not strong at all and I am behaving as nothing has happened. My BIL is 24 yrs not married and husband is 27 yrs.

I need some sincere advices, as I cant discuss this with anyone in family.
Ariana replied. Oh poor girl,firstly although you are frightened,you have to show your BIL his behaviour is unacceptable.If you show no reaction,then he'll do it again.Scream and even hit him,show him that you won't stand up for nonsence! if you show him you're not afraid of him,then he'll leave you alone.If your BIL leaves you alone,then they'll be no need to tell your husband incase it causes more problems.But if your BIL doesn't leave you alone,then you'll have to tell your husband.No matter what the circumstances,you cannot let yourself be molested!I know how inlaws can be,they'll probably blame you and not their son,but if your husband is a good man,you can sort the problem out between just you,your husband and your BIL.Best wishes and try not to worry. Priya replied. VERY SURPRISED to notice that you leave the door open when you sleep... ??? WHY ?
As someone said, men can exploit you only if you give a chance. You keeping quiet and not reacting could be taken as a sign of your acceptance to this. Frankly, if I were in your place, after the first incident, I would have made sure that the door is locked when I go to sleep. At least he would he would get a hint that you are aware of something and you are not enjoying it.
simplewife replied. if i were in your situation even i would be confused because you are newly married how can can you yell or slap at him and even if u did it will your in-laws accept this,noway.on the otherhand their will poison about you to your hubby but now you say your hubby is in with you then why are you waiting for next time .why dont you explain when he is in good mood like you say i want to say you something but promise me you will trust me and then start crying before saying this things first he maybe angry with you but after some time may be he will understand(i dont know about your hubby's nature to convey him as per his style or the way in which he will understand).please dont wait for next time.otherwise even your hubby will ask why didnt you say me this before.so say this as soon as possible.if for any reason you are not able to say next time if same thing happens, really slap that person and yell no matter what happens after that.i totally agree with this people.the more we bear the more pain we will pass through,just stand up.

good luck. KUNJULAKSHMI replied. On all these days you allowed him to fondle and touch you and now asking us what to do.

If you are sincere and honest to your husband you don't let him him to enter in your room without anybody's presence. Your age and inner mind is forcing you for adultery in one side (you enjoyed it) and on the other side your fear is forcing you to keep away. Your co-operation on first day was a green signal for him and he started from that day. His age forced him to come at you. SIT WHERE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO SIT, OTHERWISE DOG WILL COME AND SIT IN YOUR PLACE.

NEXT TIME WHEN HE TOUCH YOU, GIVE A SLAP ON HIS CHEEK AND LATER MAKE NOICE.
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SLAP HIM IF YOU THINK FROM ANY CORNER. YOU ARE AT 19, BUT REMEMBER YOU MUST BE LIKE A MOTHER TO HIM.

I have 4 young brother in laws and they are like my children and I am like a mother to them. They even do not think wrong anything about me in their inner mind, I am sure. pree replied. All I can say is this Gal;
My BIL was literally after me for 2 years.He would flirt with me like an ass & when my hubby is around he would behave like a saint.It got to a point that he was simply determined to get me & I told my parents because I knew that my hubby simply worships his brother & will not hear anything bad about him!.Because of that fool I wasted 1 year of my life after marriaeg at my parents' house because of the fear of him..My hubby did chase his brotehr out of the house & begged me to join him but my parents simply were not ready to send me to my husband's house because of the fear of his freaky brother..Thye asked him to move with them.he did not budge..It went on & on & finally my husband came to my houe one day asked me in front of my parents 'Are you going to come & live with me?.I assure you 100% safety & will give my life & soul to keep you safe.'..I could not take the torture anymore & I told my parents that I am going with him.They could not stop me...
So why I am telling you all this is to make you understand...Even though you dont do anyhting wrong nor your hubby your life would get screwed up because of bad or sick people..It is always good for the women to be more cautious & alert at the drop of a pin & fight back..If I were at your place I would have just yelled my heart out when that person touched you or I would have given him a kick which he will never forget...Next time when he comes near you just scream at the top of your voice & ask for help.You are lucky you are living with other people...I had to protect myself all by myself when I was in this situation.
GoodLuck WELL WISHER replied. Dear Tensed,

I had heard of a similar situation from one of my friend. It seems that you were enjoying all that as you did not stop him.
If you don’t like this, you have all the rights to stop him and make a noise against him.
But to me it seems that you liked it, you are at a very tender age and can be easily influenced in situations like these. Especially you are a newly wed and looks like you are sex deprived as your husband is out of town most of the time.You need to control yourself and next time be strong, keep your room locked when you are alone..
Even if he manages to come in, try to catch him red handed. Let him do whatever he is doing on first day. Next day have some one else hiding in the room so he is caught red handed. You should not hide anything from your husband.

But on the other hand if you like it, then go girl !!! Life is too short. Let me him do whatever he is doing..cooperate and mingle with him and enjoy..

Well wisher