Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Name: Yoshi

A bit of a background on me, if it matters, is I' m white. I live in Canada and my son is a year and a half. I' m aware that' s not a schoolgoer age, but ' parenting' seemed suitable out of all the other categories.

My issue is that... being white and living in Canada where child abuse is a huge issue, whenever the issue of me smacking my own son is brought up with anybody of the same skin colour as me I find they gawk. That' s why I searched for an Indian parenting site because I know in India, atleast, hitting your child isn' t a legal issue.

I' ll give you some background on my son. He' s very well rounded, happy, grounded. A bit flinchy, as to be expected, but I get compliments all the time with how gentle and well behaved he is. Being a year and a half he obviously has melt downs and rarely listens. To be expected. Other than that he' s a very happy little boy who rarely cries [although whines often] and does very well with me in my care.

I' ve been smacking my son for months. Sometimes, for sure out of anger. Especially when it' s across the face. I have an inner dilemma about this though because I fear he may be taken away from me for my beliefs. I go against what Canada tells me and I believe that a good child is raised to know that being stupid and not listening gets a smack. Whether you like it or not. That doesn' t mean I won' t be there for you when you fall or that I hate you. It simply means you were out of line, got hit and life goes on. He seems to hold no grudges and still gives snuggles. He' s happy to see me when I go and grab him and is happy to share anything with me. When he melts down sometimes I just talk to him but if I' ve had enough sometimes I' m more than happy to give him a reason to be crying.

[my son just came over to sit in my lap and watch while I type this.]

I do feel a little two faced though... because out in public I need to be this calm person who utilizes time outs all the time. I do use time outs at home as well, and often. But I' m unable to give him a smack, as I call it, for fear others may call Social Services and attempt to have my child taken away.

I know I' m not a bad mother because my son trusts me. He KNOWS I love him and knows he can depend on me.

Also, if I' ve hit him too hard or for a reason I realize once I' ve calmed down was purely stupid and definately not worthy of a smack across the mouth/face then I give him a big hug and apologize immidiately. I don' t feel at all I' m above that. I do definately feel he deserves common human respect just like anybody else in the world does.

Although this is not the entire story, I feel anything more would make this post too long to respond to. In the end, do you feel it' s alright and a positive experience to teach a child, even as young as a year, the reality of the world and that they cannot get away with being bad without feeling the pain associated with that? Do you feel this creates damaged adults?

I would like to close with I do think I' m a good parent. I feel well rounded. My son comes to me for comfort and punishment. To be read to and to be yelled at. To be loved and to be disciplined.
Also I' m not trying to imply that I think all Indians/people of other cultures hit their children or go along with other cultural standards. I merely felt I may be easier received by a culture where ' beatings' are more accepted. I don' t ' beat' my child either. I don' t hit him for minutes or hours on end. These are one time smacks.
Any feed back is well appreciated. :3 Thank you.

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