Its been a good year since i've been married to my lovely husband. We are about to have a baby next month so we asked our Mother in Law to come over from India to help us out. Bad idea!!!! Well she's only been here a week now and already i feel like i'm in hell and i'm not exaggerating this.
She just dosent leave a single opportunity to comment on anything i do around or outside the house. The other day me and my husband were having an arguement and she was hearing all of it and i ended up going to our room. My husband got so angry that he started packing his moms and his own bags and i was shocked to see this behaviour of my husband which i've never seen before.I had to litterally beg him to stay because of our child. He is not this kind of a person but for some reason he was changed that day.Obviously its got something to do with the mom. I'm just so stressed out and worried that for the time that she's here with us (6 mths) she might just change my husband completely against me and i dont what that to happen.
So I need all of your expert advises in this situation and on how to keep u're husband in control so he dosent become evil.
Please please help me and advise me about this.
Thnks in advance.
Anu
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Hi Everyone
Its been a good year since i've been married to my lovely husband. We are about to have a baby next month so we asked our Mother in Law to come over from India to help us out. Bad idea!!!! Well she's only been here a week now and already i feel like i'm in hell and i'm not exaggerating this.
She just dosent leave a single opportunity to comment on anything i do around or outside the house. The other day me and my husband were having an arguement and she was hearing all of it and i ended up going to our room. My husband got so angry that he started packing his moms and his own bags and i was shocked to see this behaviour of my husband which i've never seen before.I had to litterally beg him to stay because of our child. He is not this kind of a person but for some reason he was changed that day.Obviously its got something to do with the mom. I'm just so stressed out and worried that for the time that she's here with us (6 mths) she might just change my husband completely against me and i dont what that to happen.
So I need all of your expert advises in this situation and on how to keep u're husband in control so he dosent become evil.
Please please help me and advise me about this.
Thnks in advance.
Anu
SONYA replied. Dear Anu,
It seems to me that Your Husband is
helpless whenever his Mom is around. He
tend to listen to his mom, but when he is
with you(alone) he have his own opinions.
Typical Momma's boy. Fights are meant
to be keep private. He should know that.
Anu, I think you are doing a good job
already. It just that he is scared to
speak-out to his mom. Until, his Mom
is not around anymore....only then he
can be himself. Hang in there---it's
only for a couple more month. All you
have to do is Love him, try not to argue
too much(not helping, anyone) take this
Mama boy and make/show him a great time.
As for the talk about spending: this is
tough. Have you tried straight out
telling him? or--maybe, catch him when
he is very happy(just not after work).
Take him in the room. Gently, sweet talk
to him......and explain to him that
\" it would help us a lot if you can
minimize the amount of money you can
spend for your Mom.( have a budget)
Wish you the best.....Congrats on the
new baby!-bye, Anu
ANU replied. This was really good advise. But now i have another problem on my sleave. We have recently bought a house and now having a kid which means financially we are'nt in the best of positions. Now my mother in law already wants to do her shopping for back home and we dont have much money. My husband being the son cant say anything and i cant afford to get bankrrupt. I dont know how to explain this to her and him. She thinks her sone will get her everything but she dosent know that i will have to go back to work sooner than i imagined to pay all these credit card bills so we can get back on track.
Is there a kinder or better way to explain this to my husband so he can expalain it to her?
Please help.
Many thanks in advance.
ANU
sweet mom replied. I will surely agree with extreme's advice.let her boss you around,just dont mind,let her words bounce off your ears.iam really telling you out of my experience.
for my first delivery i was not able to get my mom as she dint get her visa.
i will say leave the kitchen to her,just help in cutting veggis or washing dishes etc.just have formal talk.and especialy talk very nicely in front of hubby.dont argue in front of her,i will say dont have any kind of disagreement till she goes..always sit next to him,try holding his hands when you go out or someplace out.
instead of going to your gyno alone or with hubby take both of them and discuss your problems openly.even once baby is here,she may have lots of advice which may not suit to current health boards.even then take her also to the pediatrition and discuss everything openly in front of her.
but now be patience,dont worry about anything,because it will reflect your baby.be happy.dont have any argument with your hubby.let your mil say anything dont worry about that.just smile and say \" ok mom i will do that way\" .
i had almost all the problems that you are facing now.so for my next one,even the difference between my babies is just 16 months i dint call her.i really handled both of them.so i had wonderful time with kids and thought why i dint do it in the first place.
till you delivery try to be busy.in the morning be busy with cooking,after lunch take nap or watch movie,in the evening take her to library or some shops and spent time till dinner.
once the baby is there my sincere advice is dont argue with your hubby and even if you do dont beg for any reason.
if you dont know to massage and bath your baby,let her do it for first few weeks then say in kind words and after that try to do it yourself.if you are busy and baby is cryingdont hesitate and ask her to pick up if you are busy.let her play with the baby,and it will be the best thing to avoid her.
after delivery try to take complete rest for atleast 2 weeks and dont bother about anything other than you and your baby.no house hold chore or cooking or cleaning or dirty dishes or anything.
just feel relaxed and have a wonderful time.take care.
extreme replied. -be extremely good to hubby these days.
Do Maska polish to MIL. keep her happy.
- talk to your gynae, tell her u r feeling depressed bec of pregnancy, u r tensed for delivery (which is common) so u need hubby's mental and moral support. Reuqest her to talk to ur hubby abt this in ur absence, like she can call him up. M sure any good gynae will do this.
-DONT send email to hubby's address. Everything will go waste and they will know for sure it is you.
2006-12-11
#1
Name: SONYA Subject: To: Anu
Dear Anu,
It seems to me that Your Husband is
helpless whenever his Mom is around. He
tend to listen to his mom, but when he is
with you(alone) he have his own opinions.
Typical Momma's boy. Fights are meant
to be keep private. He should know that.
Anu, I think you are doing a good job
already. It just that he is scared to
speak-out to his mom. Until, his Mom
is not around anymore....only then he
can be himself. Hang in there---it's
only for a couple more month. All you
have to do is Love him, try not to argue
too much(not helping, anyone) take this
Mama boy and make/show him a great time.
As for the talk about spending: this is
tough. Have you tried straight out
telling him? or--maybe, catch him when
he is very happy(just not after work).
Take him in the room. Gently, sweet talk
to him......and explain to him that
\" it would help us a lot if you can
minimize the amount of money you can
spend for your Mom.( have a budget)
Wish you the best.....Congrats on the
new baby!-bye, Anu
2006-12-12
#2
Name: ANU Subject: Very helpful !!
Thanks to all of you and Sonya. I liked what you said. I think this will make a difference. I did speak to my husband about minimizing the expenditure on the mom as we wont have much savings left after the baby due to one salary. He agreed to it, however he said he couldnt tell his mom this and if worse comes to worse his father will send them some money. Eventhough they have never helped us in the past when we were buyng ahouse and we needed money. I doubt that they will help us now.
She will be here till MAY07 and god knows how hard its going to be for me to control myself from snapping out of it. I hope it gets better after the baby. and hopefully by gods grace we will be find financially till i start working again.
Many thanks
Kindest regards
Anu
2006-12-11
#3
Name: ANU Subject: Thank You!
This was really good advise. But now i have another problem on my sleave. We have recently bought a house and now having a kid which means financially we are'nt in the best of positions. Now my mother in law already wants to do her shopping for back home and we dont have much money. My husband being the son cant say anything and i cant afford to get bankrrupt. I dont know how to explain this to her and him. She thinks her sone will get her everything but she dosent know that i will have to go back to work sooner than i imagined to pay all these credit card bills so we can get back on track.
Is there a kinder or better way to explain this to my husband so he can expalain it to her?
Please help.
Many thanks in advance.
ANU
2006-12-08
#4
Name: sweet mom Subject: hai!
I will surely agree with extreme's advice.let her boss you around,just dont mind,let her words bounce off your ears.iam really telling you out of my experience.
for my first delivery i was not able to get my mom as she dint get her visa.
i will say leave the kitchen to her,just help in cutting veggis or washing dishes etc.just have formal talk.and especialy talk very nicely in front of hubby.dont argue in front of her,i will say dont have any kind of disagreement till she goes..always sit next to him,try holding his hands when you go out or someplace out.
instead of going to your gyno alone or with hubby take both of them and discuss your problems openly.even once baby is here,she may have lots of advice which may not suit to current health boards.even then take her also to the pediatrition and discuss everything openly in front of her.
but now be patience,dont worry about anything,because it will reflect your baby.be happy.dont have any argument with your hubby.let your mil say anything dont worry about that.just smile and say \" ok mom i will do that way\" .
i had almost all the problems that you are facing now.so for my next one,even the difference between my babies is just 16 months i dint call her.i really handled both of them.so i had wonderful time with kids and thought why i dint do it in the first place.
till you delivery try to be busy.in the morning be busy with cooking,after lunch take nap or watch movie,in the evening take her to library or some shops and spent time till dinner.
once the baby is there my sincere advice is dont argue with your hubby and even if you do dont beg for any reason.
if you dont know to massage and bath your baby,let her do it for first few weeks then say in kind words and after that try to do it yourself.if you are busy and baby is cryingdont hesitate and ask her to pick up if you are busy.let her play with the baby,and it will be the best thing to avoid her.
after delivery try to take complete rest for atleast 2 weeks and dont bother about anything other than you and your baby.no house hold chore or cooking or cleaning or dirty dishes or anything.
just feel relaxed and have a wonderful time.take care.
2006-12-08
#5
Name: extreme Subject: hubby
-be extremely good to hubby these days.
Do Maska polish to MIL. keep her happy.
- talk to your gynae, tell her u r feeling depressed bec of pregnancy, u r tensed for delivery (which is common) so u need hubby's mental and moral support. Reuqest her to talk to ur hubby abt this in ur absence, like she can call him up. M sure any good gynae will do this.
-DONT send email to hubby's address. Everything will go waste and they will know for sure it is you.
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All tips on Relationships
You ever wanted in one place.
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To: Anu
Name: ANU
Very helpful !!
Thank You!
hubby
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