Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi IP readers,
I'm reading messages on this board from quite some time. I thought it is high time I should ask for an advice from all fellow readers.
My problem is, I'm married for last 6 years.we have a daughter. my wife is a home maker. Over a period, she looses her temper often and shouts on me and my kid for slightest things, she also shouts on maid who works for us. she cannot keep herself in control because of bad temper. I come back home after work tired, very rarely we have a peaceful dinner, she has one or the other problem. she is slightly obesse and joined a hep fittness club but not working out regularly. because of her rude behaviour my parents visits have reduced and my kid also want me to be always around. I have given her so many ideas to keep herself occupied with work or hobby,only thing she does judiciously is watching non sense K serials. her mom calls her once I go out to work and fill in all kinds of ideas, I have requested my MIL not to call her and put nonsense into her mind, but she still does, She doesn't hang out with her friends and tries to be very formal with every friend of her's. I took her on some exotic holidays hoping that she will change, but her behaviour remains same. If I try to advice, she starts crying loudly and behaves as though I have physcially abused her. She never gets out of house instead always keeps a broom stick and tells the maid to clean clean clean. I'm fed up of her unproductive waste of time with a broom stick. I'm a very dedicated husband, but she starts fight even if I talk socially or on work purpose to other ladies, she feels I'm seeing them. Don't know how I can change her and make my life stress free. I have never taken dowry in any form, infact I have helped her family in many occasions. She says it is my duty to take care of her family as I do for my parents, I don't mind doing it, but her bad temper is really making me SAD. she never listen to any advice, Once or twice my parents spoke to her, she keeps her silent doesn't utter a word and after few days back to same scene. Pls help me to understand her better and tell me If I have to adopt any other method to control her bad temper. Thanks in Advance
Sad Guy SONYA replied. That is very strange. She sound so grumpy.
or maybe.........she is frustrated!

You did, mention that she is slightly
obese, she's trying her best to lose weight,
but, sometimes....when we don't see results
we tend to take it out on others.

and......you also mentioned that she
sometimes get jealous, because you
are talking to other ladies, right?
I really think that's why she is
acting like this.

She probably feel: sad, or too depress
to hang out with friends.

You seem to be a very loving husband..
have you tried sweet talking her? give
her compliments, stay home more often,
remind her that she is still beautiful?

good luck Babita replied. Hi
I think the main problem is she is not able to reach u ,u be open to her ,show all ur love towards her in the way of ur talking ,helping her ,being romantic with her etc .try to analyse each and evry thing ,why is she rude with ur parents ,tell her not to be like that even then she behaves in the same way then u behave friendly with her parents (ur inlaws) and convey her that ur expecting the same from her .to my knowledge NO MOTHER WOULD LIKE TO CREATE ANY PROBLEM TO HER DAUGHTER .well since 6 years of married life u shd be able to know there nature ,well incase if u think ur MIL is causing any problem to u ,u got to be alert ,since it is 6 years of ur together life she shd be enough colse to u i mean attached like she shd be able to tell u all her problems ,may be you are not open to her and she is getting closer to her parents ,so its in ur hands to welcome her ,try to listen to what she is saying do not come to conclusions b4 it self ,when she say's some thing to u ,u think from her side too and come to conclusion.well if u think still she is wrong them explain it to her in a convensing way .give her the first place in ur heart ,and show her all ur care and concern for her .make her realise that she is the most important person for u in your life.and u need her to be happy and lively to have good life .well i think this kind of your behaviour will help her get down all the stress from her life .tell her to eat healthy food ,join her in some aerobic classes .Most impotrtant thing when she is in depression is trying to deviate her from her problems make her laugh try to have fun with her ,tell her that ur so happy seeing her happy .well we all need a happy life .
hope all this might help u.
xxx replied. Hey,

try to see some Physiologist.They will talk to her and they will know what is her inner problem.Some women do develop some physicological problems.in fact it happened to my own mother.but not in the young age.Becuase of bog family size and typically moms generation women are just bound to do house work.Because of those things she was so depresses and she is used act differently and doctor found so many unknown things from her.Now she is doing ok.she may not have any problem but they will found out the reason for her behaviour.but some people have that kind of personality.changing them only god should know or you need to start acting on her then if she realises thats good. test replied. it might be she is in depression ,and this is the way of removing her some frustation .talk to her abt her ideas.
involve her in some outside works like bank etc or some part time job.
Rakhi replied. Well do not be sad and try to analyze the situation . Why she is behaving like this
-How was her behaviour after marriage? Or her behaviour has recently been changed
-She is undergoing depression that is for sure or may be she feels inferior in comparison to her friends/siblings something like that. Try to make her happy and inculcate confidence level in her .
-Ask her to join some activity group or class so that she can communicate with the people and learn new things from them
-First of all ask her to reduce her weight as you said she is obese . When people are fat they are full of doubts and suffer from low self esteem . Once they become thin their energy level as well as self esteem suddenly shoots up . I am telling as I was slightly over weight but then I joined aerobics and gym and I reduced my weight tremendously. I feel so good looking at myself and feeling that I can fit into what ever dress I want .
-Tell her to take tuitions so that she will be occupied whole day and will not have time to think all rubbish
-cut off cable because these saas bahu serials are so horrible to watch and I really hate them from my bottom of the heart. Ladies are always scheming, making stupid faces etc.
Discuss your child’s activities with her , she will feel better
Regards
Rakhi
tanya replied. your wife is depressed! i do that when i am stressed out, you should take a family vacation, or just 2 of u!
i got these pill from doctor, so i can calm down, i think ur wife is upset of something,
good luck,
i changed when i relized my husband cares for me! Bhavana replied. I understand your problem.But don't give up on your wife yet.
I think she suffers from low self esteem ,and as you rightly said she is unoccupied and on top of that she is slightly on the obese side or plump .
I know its difficult but try this.
Everyday evening after you come from work ask her to get ready and go with her for an evening walk say for 45 minutes daily.
Now the advantages about that are.
It will help her reduce her weight without she even knowing that .
Secondly you will get to spend quality time with her and kid.
Thirdly she feels that you care about spending time with her.
Now another thing that you can do is tell her that you are also willing to help her in slimming down by cutting down on oil(give her these tips telling her that you did this research for her),sugar(switch to splenda).

All these things will help her reduce weight,gain back her self confidence and may make her want to go into the outside world.

sometimes problems stem out of boredom,obesity which in turn lead to all kinds of problems including frustration and short temper.
I don't know how much this would help but first try this.

All the best.