Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi all,
i'm 25 years old, married for 2 1/2 years now.i was a very happy & an extrovert girl before marriage.but after marriage, i've changed so much & lost myself somewhere.we live in US.after we got married,my hubby left to US just after 10 days of marriage.but took 3 months for me to join him since my visa processing took some time.for those 3 months i lived with my inlaws.that was a torture to me.they always used to say mean things to me,find faults in me at every step,always used to comment that ur folks didnt do this & that for marriage etc.since my hubby was in US & i was in India then,they used to speak ill abt me to my hubby & had already brought a major distance between us even before i joined him.also after marriage, i discovered my hubby & inlaws had lied to me abt major important things including his educational qualification also.i was very hurt by all these & got very scared to trust my hubby initially.but gradually after sometime i accepted all these & started loving my hubby & gave my 100% to him.i was a very active & happy girl.i always liked to have fun & enjoy my life.
but now, my actual problem is, my hubby is a very unhappy & a depressed guy.he just doesnt know to have fun.he always keep thinking abt something or the other & is always stressed out.my hubby keeps calling his parents every other day.i dont have any problem wid this as he has all the right to love his parents as the way he wants to.i have always encouraged him to call his parents.but every time he calls them,our days are ruined.my inlaws come up with some or the other problem & say they are depressed & all that & start crying over the phone.they always try to emotionally black mail him & they make sure that we dont have fun here though they are miles apart from us.they have no major problems in life ata ll.also my BIL lives with them & so they even have a son to take care of them.but still they are always fussy.
as i come from a very conservative family,i always believed that i should support & be with my hubby no matter what...i did accept him as the way he is & was moving on,though i had lost myself completely now.i've forgotten to enjoy & have fun in my life anymore.but now i 'm reaching a breaking point.my hubby doesnt even realise what i'm doing for him.he completely takes me for granted.he keeps thinking abt his parents days together & doesnt realise even if i'm sitting next to him.he'll notice me only when i'm putting on weight & immediately asks me to start dieting & stuffs like that.now,i somehow feel i've been treated like an object now.i'm not working here though i'm a BE graduate since i'm on H4.so i dont even have the financial independence to move out & stay all by myself.i'm getting tired of my loveless life.i dont want to tell all this to my parents & tense them also since they r geeting old.so i'm letting out everything here on this board.i've seen that members here r very caring & helpful.so can u all plz tell me what to do? should i just seperate & go back to India?i'm tired of living this boring lonely life.i feel as though i'm 50 years old now. evrything seems dark & i'm not able to find any way out.plz help me.i really value ur advices.thank u all.. ruchiraa replied. hi dipti.
first stop worring the problem is not toooo difficult to handle and always remember every problem is born with its solution.

apart from trying other suggestion , also try these ideas
1. as u told that u r BE graduste , if u can find a job for you whether its part time or so do it.
2. if u r not willing to do a job then join a jim to maintan your glow & beauty.
3. try to find out some ways to get out from the emotional dependence on your husband and that so ignor him. and show him that you are very happy even without him.
4. take care of all the things , as an indian wife for him but always maintain a poise. make him feel your impotance. do not pamper him.
do not make him feel as if you need him
instill a sense of guilt as if he is losing something

what i am getting from your tale is that he is very happy as he has many people /and friends to interect with
in his office. he onle shows you that he is depressed just to fetch attention and importance from you.
so be clever.
keep posting sangini replied. Dear Deepti,
Its really a relef to have a forum like this one even i posted a question and c so many friends are there to help me in my agony, Hope we can do the same for u.
Deepti first of all please stop being depressed about everything around in your life I think the major probelms with WE INDIANS is our too much love with parents this is what is happening to keep the Marriage going there lot of factors and one has to be very selfish for thier family(U AND UR HUSBAND) Ok first what u need to do is rekindle the Spark in your life, even if your husband is busy during the day time u can inform him and go out to the market have a walk get back the same girl u had in urself find one or two females Indian of ur age who are in ur friend circle. go for walks excercise dress nicle, draw ur husband to wards u once he is attracted to you he will think less about his depression, show him ur intrest in him the love for him, make him feel specail, buy some nice lingries enjoy your Sex-life its just 2 and 1/2 yrs and u have yet to explore the hot sides of you. Then have intimate talks with him, listen to him with intrest even if it is about his family your MIL AND FIL show him how much u feel for him to more he will speak the more he will let out the emotional stress they give him Win his trust then sometimes tell him don't depresse lets go for a walk, tell him Mummy Papa(ur MIL and FIL) will be fine with ur BIL try to be very sweet..once he is free with u and shares talks with u he will not miss his family too much little bit is normal and try to take first moves intially like lets go out lets enjoy today so somethings naughty sure u must be frank with him say lets have fun etc... befriend him don't sideline him your Inlaws are availing each opportunity u are missing let them not use ur emotional hubby.
IN MARRIAGE I THINK WE WOMEN HAVE TWO POWERFUL THINGS
1)LOVE TO GIVE TO OUR PARTNER TO MAKE HIM FEEL AT EASE EMOTIONALLY
2) PHYSICAL SIDE WE CAN MAKE THEM FORGET EVERYTHING
I personally feel a realtion which looses even one of the above looses on a lot of things so all the best enjoy and keepp us posted believe me if u haven't tried any of the bove it will be worth a try in life its easy to some out situations but the brave ones are who handle it..