am a 26 yrs old girl married for almost 4 yrs now and have been trying to conceive for the past 1.5 yrs, with no result. Have been diagnosed with PCOS and is in fertility treatment. Am under so much of stress bcoz of this and am trying to relax myself by yoga and other stuff..
My main concern now, is my husband. He is a nice person by nature, but is very short tempered. In nature am not short tempered, but in this life of 4 years with him he has made me short tempered. He is a person who would never listens to anyone words, for anything. He feels what ever he does his right. 2 days back for a very small issue, we started a fight and very soon he started physically abusing me. I am from a decent family which even thinks that beating up a girl is sin. But as per him he feels that husbands who thinks this way is not a guy by nature. I am really unable to bear this nature. I get wild sometimes bcoz of this and yday i also gave him back. Then he immediately started verbally abusing my Parents, in turn in anger i also told the same about his parents. He is a person who does not know the value of anybody especially parents. I am tired of his character. But finally he says that it is me who started the quarrel and who made him lose his cool. Am so upset. Never even 1 cycle he has kept me happy for me to conceive. Now a days he has started telling me about my fertility problem also during the fight. For the past 3 days, bcoz of stress my follicles are not going properly. I am really confused. He then comes back and says sorry...I dont know why he is not able to understand that words if told cant be taken back. Iam not able to forget the incidents once it happens. It keeps flashing my mind. he is not brought up with sisters or anybody and he really does not know the value of girls. I have changed a lot for him in many ways as he wishes, but he seems to never realise anything and keeps finding errors with others...Iam tired girls of him...pls help me!!!!!!
iam so depressed now and often have started thinking that i should leave him. I had really liked him first because of his honest love towards me. He shattered these belief also by chatting with girl friends on the internet. All my trust on him is lost when i found it. Though he said sorry, he happened to do the same again and found him going to girl's house. He is still not at all aware of a girl/women's feeling.
I dont like sharing any of this with my family though they are very supportive. But he wants to take each & everything outside both of us. I am just sharing all my feelings here as am comfortable. Pls advise...
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hi all,
am a 26 yrs old girl married for almost 4 yrs now and have been trying to conceive for the past 1.5 yrs, with no result. Have been diagnosed with PCOS and is in fertility treatment. Am under so much of stress bcoz of this and am trying to relax myself by yoga and other stuff..
My main concern now, is my husband. He is a nice person by nature, but is very short tempered. In nature am not short tempered, but in this life of 4 years with him he has made me short tempered. He is a person who would never listens to anyone words, for anything. He feels what ever he does his right. 2 days back for a very small issue, we started a fight and very soon he started physically abusing me. I am from a decent family which even thinks that beating up a girl is sin. But as per him he feels that husbands who thinks this way is not a guy by nature. I am really unable to bear this nature. I get wild sometimes bcoz of this and yday i also gave him back. Then he immediately started verbally abusing my Parents, in turn in anger i also told the same about his parents. He is a person who does not know the value of anybody especially parents. I am tired of his character. But finally he says that it is me who started the quarrel and who made him lose his cool. Am so upset. Never even 1 cycle he has kept me happy for me to conceive. Now a days he has started telling me about my fertility problem also during the fight. For the past 3 days, bcoz of stress my follicles are not going properly. I am really confused. He then comes back and says sorry...I dont know why he is not able to understand that words if told cant be taken back. Iam not able to forget the incidents once it happens. It keeps flashing my mind. he is not brought up with sisters or anybody and he really does not know the value of girls. I have changed a lot for him in many ways as he wishes, but he seems to never realise anything and keeps finding errors with others...Iam tired girls of him...pls help me!!!!!!
iam so depressed now and often have started thinking that i should leave him. I had really liked him first because of his honest love towards me. He shattered these belief also by chatting with girl friends on the internet. All my trust on him is lost when i found it. Though he said sorry, he happened to do the same again and found him going to girl's house. He is still not at all aware of a girl/women's feeling.
I dont like sharing any of this with my family though they are very supportive. But he wants to take each & everything outside both of us. I am just sharing all my feelings here as am comfortable. Pls advise...
Helper replied. Don't try and bring kids into this world unless you can resolve problems with your husband. The stress levels will only go up after kids - they are not a cure for your marraige. Please consult a psychologist.
Swathy replied. Sorry to hear ur story.
Its my feeling based on my experience ,
My dad is very vrey very nice person and sometimes when he gets angry he use dto throw or abuse my Mom ( not much , very rarely it happens ) . I do remember I told my Mom that u go to ur Mom's home y u r staying here once it happened like this.
If someone doesnt know how to control tehir feelings they may react like that . ( May be he is adamant person, cant tolerate if u talk more like that )
U can easily control him by ur LUV.
There is a proverb in Tamil \" Beating Hand only hugs u \"
If u want to show ur anger to him, Dont talk to him for a week. Then he 'll make u to talk .
Dont worry ... forget it.
SG replied. dual personalities like ur hubby has to taken care very carefully.
If u know he's gud otherwise..dont say bad abt u and ur parents in his normal behaviour,allow u to work and spend ur money the way u want.ie except bad tempramentment everything is fine...
then just learn to be quiet when he's angry...dont provoke him even if he's saying smthng hurtful.Go to the other room or concentrate other place.He has to shut his mouth whn u'll not respond.Try this it will really help.
Discuss those things whn he's in gud mood.Tell him how u r hurt by his nature.Dont let him hit u...better not to provoke him to such extent.
Concentrate on ur fertility prob...try to be happy or else he'll say smday tht u cant provide a baby to him.
If u think he's having relations with other girls...its dangerous for u as he can bring AIDS....so warn him and tell him tht if u find it agn then u'll go bck to ur parents. U r not doing sacrifice by not telling ur parents and ruining ur life.
Nihar replied. Hi,
I am sorry about the way your husband treats you.
If you dont feel comfortable in telling your family about this, then why dont you talk to you mum when you both are alone. With all her life experience she will be able to advice you something.
About him cheating on you, being disrespectful to you & your parents, & abusing you physically, Sit down with him & in a plain language talk to him & tell him how you feel.
If he still dose it then you dont have any choice but to talk to your family because if he is voilent to you now, whats the guarantee that he will not do the same to your kids when you give birth.
Another option is to try & find yourself a Job? May be a part time only to start with. it'll boost your confidence & will give you self respect & make you independent.
All the Best & Take care
Hugs (((((((((you))))))))
TC
2006-11-29
#1
Name: Helper Subject: Dont have kids now!
Don't try and bring kids into this world unless you can resolve problems with your husband. The stress levels will only go up after kids - they are not a cure for your marraige. Please consult a psychologist.
2006-11-27
#2
Name: Swathy Subject: Dont worry !!!
Sorry to hear ur story.
Its my feeling based on my experience ,
My dad is very vrey very nice person and sometimes when he gets angry he use dto throw or abuse my Mom ( not much , very rarely it happens ) . I do remember I told my Mom that u go to ur Mom's home y u r staying here once it happened like this.
If someone doesnt know how to control tehir feelings they may react like that . ( May be he is adamant person, cant tolerate if u talk more like that )
U can easily control him by ur LUV.
There is a proverb in Tamil \" Beating Hand only hugs u \"
If u want to show ur anger to him, Dont talk to him for a week. Then he 'll make u to talk .
Dont worry ... forget it.
2006-11-27
#3
Name: depressed Subject: hi swathy
hey thanks da for ur kind message. I am also from Tamil. The problem is my family background in which i was brought up. My dad & mom are so kind to each other...I love the intimacy between them and have been dreaming that mine also wud be the same. Though itz not the same, i cannot easily forget or tolerate his beating & wildness...Anyway everytime i try to forget with time. But worried that this may not be the case always...Hope he understands...
Thanks for ur message again...
Bye.
2006-11-24
#4
Name: SG Subject: be patient
dual personalities like ur hubby has to taken care very carefully.
If u know he's gud otherwise..dont say bad abt u and ur parents in his normal behaviour,allow u to work and spend ur money the way u want.ie except bad tempramentment everything is fine...
then just learn to be quiet when he's angry...dont provoke him even if he's saying smthng hurtful.Go to the other room or concentrate other place.He has to shut his mouth whn u'll not respond.Try this it will really help.
Discuss those things whn he's in gud mood.Tell him how u r hurt by his nature.Dont let him hit u...better not to provoke him to such extent.
Concentrate on ur fertility prob...try to be happy or else he'll say smday tht u cant provide a baby to him.
If u think he's having relations with other girls...its dangerous for u as he can bring AIDS....so warn him and tell him tht if u find it agn then u'll go bck to ur parents. U r not doing sacrifice by not telling ur parents and ruining ur life.
2006-11-24
#5
Name: depressed Subject: hi
hi all,
Thanks for all your posting. I am feeling ok today though not too good. As u all said i actually joined Yoga classes just to keep me cool and make myself as i was before marriage. Infact i felt small fights had reduced because of that. I have stopped bugging him also. Even then i cant be the same always, rite??? My emotions also go up & down.
You know he has come back to me asking sorry after 2 days. I told him back that i would no longer tolerate him telling anything about my parents. I have told him that he can talk about me but not about my parents at any point of time. Also have warned him that if he beats me next i would go to cops. But thing is i have told these in earlier fights also. So i dont think these warnings may change him. I want him to realise his mistake not to change due to warnings.
Now he has started coming very close to me. He was so caring & affectionate that he messaged for my body pain with so much of care. Now i cant show anger towards him as he is like he is ready to do anything for me. But i am not able to digest the happenings easily. And am sure i cant openly show that hatredness as he would think that i am taking advantage of him coming down to talk to me. But real fact am not able to forget. What to do???
Pls help.
2006-11-23
#6
Name: Nihar Subject: Find Confidence
Hi,
I am sorry about the way your husband treats you.
If you dont feel comfortable in telling your family about this, then why dont you talk to you mum when you both are alone. With all her life experience she will be able to advice you something.
About him cheating on you, being disrespectful to you & your parents, & abusing you physically, Sit down with him & in a plain language talk to him & tell him how you feel.
If he still dose it then you dont have any choice but to talk to your family because if he is voilent to you now, whats the guarantee that he will not do the same to your kids when you give birth.
Another option is to try & find yourself a Job? May be a part time only to start with. it'll boost your confidence & will give you self respect & make you independent.
All the Best & Take care
Hugs (((((((((you))))))))
TC
2006-11-24
#7
Name: sona Subject: hi
hi,
First of all plz dont depressed and be patient. You have to handle him very carefully.
As SG said whenver he is in fight mood dont argue with him, go to other room and not respond, but next day when his mood will be gud either through mail or personally u told him what he did
wrong but very firmly. Also told him that u feel very bad.
Now a days in most of the metro cities Art living classes are avialable. I have not attended such classes but some of my friends feedback is very gud for such kind of classes. Why not u both join such kind of classes, it may be helpful for u too to avoid stress and keep calm.
Third abt yr fertility problem if u have not visited other boards like " tring since long time" in india parenting itself go there, Archie and other ladies can help you.
best wishes,
take care
rgrds
sona
2006-11-23
#8
Name: depressed Subject: hi nihar
hi,
thanks for your posting. I am sure when i talk to my mom or dad, they would really feel bad about all this and they are even ready for me to come back. But i really dont want to disappoint them with the fact that they have chosen a wrong person for me. HE is actually my mom's relative and she was very much impressed with his behaviour and we got married. So never i want them to know the real truth of my marriage. But i am scared now that i cant stay like this for long.
I am professionally qualified and have a decent job in software. My husband also earns good and he does not expect anything from me. But that does not mean that he can treat me as a slave during the fight.
When not in fight, he is a good person. So am in a confused state. Moreover i dont want him to behave like this after marriage, as it would affect my kid.
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& Answers to Topic : depressed. pls help
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No need to go anywhere else.
& Answers to Topic : depressed. pls help
Subscribe to this conversation!
All tips on Relationships
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
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RE:RE:female or male sex capsules or some other assesori
Dont have kids now!
Dont worry !!!
Name: depressed
hi swathy
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