Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi,

This is the first time i am writing in this post. I always read these forum and i like it a lot but now i need some advise.
I got married and it was arranged marriage. I came here in the USA. Eventhough it is arranged marriage, my husband's sister who is in the USA was not happy at first.
It is because we are from the same cast but not from the same geographical region. I am from Baroda and they think that girl from Baroda is very free minded and not going to respect their in-law(esp my SIL who is in the USA).At a time , I don't know about that but when my father-in-law died in India and when she came, she yelled on our family there(my other in-laws) and told me to go to Baroda. At that time i did not say anything but when i asked my husband, he told me about my SIL.
I was very disappointed. I am coming from very good family. I never saw anybody fight about that kind of issue. Eventhough My parents gave me all freedom, i never misuse them.
For the timebeing , I did not say anything as i was preparing for my pharmacy exam here . After some time goes, she is now happy with me but i did not forget that day when she did this to me.
Even first one and half year of my marriage was very stressful. Because of her, we guys fight a lot. she said i don't know about cooking and everythig. But i was studying and afterthat i came straight here. But it's not that i don't know how to cook.
My personality is like that i never forget any incidence or person who did bad effect on me.
Can i trust her now?
I always want good relationship with my SIL as she is the only one who is here now. As i can say our family.
My husband is really nice guy and he thinks that he always become pissed off in between two of you.

c replied. hi guys,

Thanks a lot for your advice and your precious time.
I guess i will keep good relationship with her but also keep distance from her too.
Thanks
chetal replied. hi guys,
Thank you for ur advice and precious time writing for me.
I am going to keep good relationship but also keep distance from her too. SONYA replied. HI,
Your Sister in Law have now come to her
sense that you are not a bad person.

She is part of your family. And, you
should not ignore her. but, Chetal....you
don't have to trust her. Why? should
you trust her, right?(I wouldn't)

but...I can only imagine how your husband
is feeling? one is his wife, the other
is his sister(he shouldn't have to
choose)

I know...Just by reading your post, you
are a sincere person. So......for the
sake of your small family and husband:
Just do your best to pretend that you
are willing to accept her.

You are an educated person.....just put
on a show! nobody have to know, right? di bh replied. hey even though your sil is good to you now be little careful. After all she is your husband's sister. so dont give her a chance she can hold something on to your head later. I did the same thing and later my sil turned everything against me to my in laws. So you can always count on sils to turn back anytime. So be cautious the around them.Best of luck. sangini replied. See giving another chance to a person doenot mean trust and have blind faith in him because such people can always harm you you it is always our close ones who can harm us not the outsiders, be nice to her be friendly the she is with you have a healthy realtion and maintain a healthy distance is always good for a relation...
you know what i had the bset relation with my SIL(HUSBANDS COUSIN) and since i trusted her i told everything i felt about people and we use to share many talks,and she use to talk about my MIL suddenly the thing reverted back she got engaged to my cousin and she said many nasty things about me and that SHE PAID US RENT WHICH WE NEVER DID ETC AND MANY THINGS MORE And my aunty got very upset i had to give 100 expalinations, really see after all the soodness what i got so donot let any body hurt u, at present my SIL left our home never bother to say THANKYOU even so at heart i fell betrayed so why let anybody betray our trust and privacy...
SORRY FOR THE LONG ESSAY even i was frustraded hope u got the message Nihon replied. Since you are saying she more friendly towards you, should give her another chance and see. But be cautious at the same time. I know, after such an incident it's not easy to forget it and behave as if nothing happened. But you know people do behave funny when they perceive some threat from the others. For eg if you are prettier than her, or smarter or jealousy that u r better educated or hv better earning potential. Reasons can be anything. May be to see that you dont steal the show in the family, she might have behaved like that. Now she feels that you may not be a threat to her position in the family, she might have changed her stance.
If her attitude is better now, pl cooperate with her. After all what matters is you and your hubby, with whom u have excellent relationship. Others are only small pin prick you can easily tide over.

Good luck.