Relationships  Discussion Forum

am five months pregnant and my hubby is going to u.s,am very disturbed bcoz i wanted him to be with me all the time and see my baby grow .i mean i dont want to be asingle parent. i was having very wonderful thought of our own family.he maybe there for 2 or 3 yrs and he is saying that he cant call me and baby bcoz of finances and its hard to grow up child there etc.secondly he is the only son of his parents,my MIL expired and my FIL is alone .so i think he might be thinking if i took my wife along with me what my father will think.i dont know what to do now and how to explain him that his life is over he had seen eveything, he had enjoyed his wife with his family and now its our time to enjoy.i cant be here just to look after him and i know my FIL also will not allow me to join my hubby.he is already saying that you will not be able to manage ,your child will betoo small and only after 1yr you can think about calling your family abroad and now even he is trying to issue his passport whereas i still doesnt have passport .iam very depressed idont know what to do as this is my first child.anyone trapped in the same situation and any one give me agood advice pls.iam new here.sorry ,if iam wrong somewhere SS replied. Hi simple
i can understand what u feel.Yes, it is true that initially it takes a few months for him to cope up the situation there...but once he is settled he can call you there by that time your due date will be near and no flight will allow you(after 7 months).If you go now there wont be any problem for your travel provided you have any friends or relatives over there where you can stay for a while until u get an appartment..
He can get the insurance for u both if his employer is sponsering..but it will be very tough after delivery managing baby and the household chores with out anyones help.
My opinion is just be here till delivery ..make arrangements to get your passport and after delivery get babys passport.talk to your husband regarding this.insist him to take you there cause u and the baby miss him.
If you are an Professional then try to get a job.tell your hubby that you too will support him financially and can manage the living..You can also invite your FIL for six months in visitor visa..
i personally feel that your hubby is scared that somebody will say that he has left his dad alone and enjoying the US life with his wife and not caring his father..
what ever you are going to decide first get your passport!!!!!!!
even if you are in india,i guess you have to go to your parents place for your delivery !!that time who is going to take care of your FIL? try to convince your hubby and make a right decission with out any confusion.GOOD LUCK. simi replied. From ur post i got an impression that ur hubby is going for first time to USA.Issues involved are not so simple as they seem to u .
Now lets take ur emotions first that u want to go to USA with ur hubby then u can convince him logically abt benefits of american citizenship that ur unborn baby can avail if born in USA.Your baby's future will be highly secured in USA. I am not going into details that an american citizen get from their Govt like employment allowance which is around $1800 per month if not working and education is really multifaceted .In addition ur child can also sponsor ur citizenship for USA once he becomes adult..LOL .. long term vision .
Now u must evaluate the whole process. As u are already 5 months pregnant so it would not only be easy but impossible for u to get insurance for ur delivery at this stage which is necessary to take in USA otherwise its very very expensive to afford all expenses all alone. Now suppose ur hubby manages to have insurance for u as well , who will take care of u after delivery ? Dear, in USA they discharge u just after 3 days of delivery(in case of c-section otherwise on same day or next day ) then u r all on ur own , doing all household chores like cooking , dishing , vaccum cleaner and all in addition to playing new responsibilities of motherhood .. Pls keep it in focus that ur hubby can not take long leaves at ur delivery . In USA its very difficult to take leave from job specially when ur hubby will join recently. morever u cant manage to have good griends also in short time span of 4 months . Now u seriously need to look from ur hubby's point of view:if he carries u along with him then :
1. He has to learn driving in USA ,without car life is very tough in USA.
2. He has to mange insurance for u .
3. He has to manage a comfortable apartment for u as well
4. He has to search good gyano n hospital for u . (quite easy but takes times)
5. He has to manage leave for u at time of delivery which will be really very difficult for him .
6. He has to manage funds as well to carry a family with him in initial days .

Infact u might face difficulty in food choice in preganacy condition. Vaccination during preganacy also differs than India.

Its upto u , what do u want ? Overlook that FIL's issue . Its easy for spouse like u to get visa for USA but not so easy for father specially when ur MIL is no more . US embassy creates havoc for such people for whom they feel that they might settle in USA alongwith their children.

Now let me tell u one more thing that ur husband can not live for a long time in USA without u . Becoz USA also offers much loneliness for married people who go from India without much funds and without spouse.
So i am sure once he gets settled down he will surely try his best to call u and his baby from India . Meanwhile u can also prepare ur passport etc.,

Here other people have alreaday given u good suggetsion to keep ur hubby involved with u at all precious moments of ur life .
wish u all the best and lots of happiness for ur life.
Take good care of u and be in touch . rucha replied. If ur FIL is trying to file for his own passport whereas u urself don't have a passport nor is anyone trying to make one for u....that sounds fishy....be alert.....it should not happen that u are left here alone with the baby and ur FIL and hubby fly abroad.....think abt it.....I am not trying to scare u .....just trying to tell u to be alert.....and weigh the situation.... rf replied. do not wqorry at all ..things will change....basically men are so soft n naive than women but the situation makes them dance ...now we cannot blame him bcuz of his financial situation...but all u have to do iz do not shed even a single word abt taking urself along wid him..juz talk to him all abt ur baby n how much u r gonna miss him if he leaves u..once he reaches US.he will call u back after reaching there...u can talk very lovingly n express him always that u miss him very much..n dunt say him that ur fil iz healthy so i am comin with u....register with ur husband's mail id in all pregnancy websites..so that he receives mails regarding ur baby's development which makes him to think abt bringing u back....these r what i have done when i was in similar situation SONYA replied. Hi,
I am not in your situation, but I know
a couple of people that are in similar
situation as you.

I can only imagine how hard it will
be for you, but Your Husband have to do
what he have to do.

and you know....many people here have
cope with this, I am sure that you can
do the same.

He can still see the baby grow, you
know? all you have to do is: video tape
yourself and your growing baby. Make
sure you take plenty of pictures and
video tape every moment of your baby's
life. The birth of your child is the
one you should not forget to tape.

And, send all of this to your Husband.

That will differently put a smile to his
face....whenever he have a bad day at
work.

sss replied. ifaced some what similar situation like umy hubby came off to US when my baby was 1 month old and i came here when my baby was 2and half.mine was c section ,managing the baby was not so difficult ,convince yr hubby that its yr first baby and u want enjoy the growth of the baby along with him. hello replied. dear friend i can understand you dear. but don't be sad be happy always. u know, you are pregnant and baby inside you is your most important thing now. i don't know about your financial state. but if you r sound, then there is no problem in having delivery and bringing up the child in US. but if you guys really want to save some money then i would say, the best thing is to have delivery in India and living n India. but after one year you can join your husband. by that tme your child will also grow little bit and you guys can save some money by that time. it is tru that if we are living with family, especially with kids it is very difficult to save oney here. so that is always to your choice.

if you arw financially very good, and have some background, then tell your hubby VERY VERY lovingly that you wish to be with him always and now your FIL is healthy and can everything by himself right? so tell hm you guys can enjoy some days . otherwise also, i think f uyour husband is in US for 3 yeara or something anyway you can come after 1 year or so. make your husban d understand sl0wly slowly.
anyway be happy. becuase when we cannot do things according to our wish which are not bad to others ,pray. u know if it is the right thng, God will help us surely. try it.