Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi All,

This is first time i am posting this message on this board but i been reading the message board.
Now i have a one situation where i need to take a decision. I thought you guys could give me your valuable opinion on this.
This is the situation.
I am going to deliver my second baby in couple of months. My husband had given me option to call either my mom or his mother. When my mom comes my husband expecting lot from her and she has very slow personality and she could only help me with taking care of the baby and she can't help me much with other house work(cooking stuff like that) even right after delivery.
If my MIL comes she will do the cooking and house work but she can't take care of the kids and they have reason saying her leg is not well to hold the baby and I will have normal MIL politics in the house but my husband will help my MIL in the house work.
If my mother comes ,my husband won’t corporate in the house and he expect everything from my mom and sometimes he is shouting on her which I don’t like really but I feel good to have my mother for the delivery.
What should I do?

a friend replied. Hi,
I must say call your mom. And also get some help from maid etc. I have seen this mil politics and they will love your kids but not you. Even if they will try to take care of you but then demand 1000 times more in return. And show that they are doing such a great favor to you. I would have called mine if my mom was alive. So, I am not left with any option.
But friend you have a good opportunity to decide, its always your mom who will take perfect care of you. It must be difficult with hubby misbehaving but then you don't want to get involved in mil's politics and spoil your relations with her. Plus during this time you need someone you can share feelings with and someone who can understand you. With an extra help from maid you can surely cope up.
Good luck. SONYA replied. hi,

If I were you....I need a baby sitter.
So to answer your question, have your
Mother with you.

You mentioned, that this is your second
child......with the baby crying, and
the other one wanting this and that.
You can go crazy! No one can be at two
places at the same time, you know?

as for the cooking part, order in. Or
tell Hubby to pick something on his way
back from work.

better yet, ask your MIL to help with
the cooking-then let your husband
bring it home. He need to understand
that you need all the help you can get.
This is his child also.....any father
will know that! Swathy replied. Pls call ur Mom. Mils r not like
Moms. U need one whom u r so comfortable. Mils may create some or other problem/ reason & want to back India in 1 or 2 months . fo rthat u need to invest a lot and spoil ur mood also . So Better call ur Mom. Dont bring troubles... Maggie replied. I think you should call you mil. The reason being that she can cook and clean...so you don't have to worry about it and also, you can call your mom later when the baby has grown up. If should not happen that your il's and your husband tell something to your mom or you for not letting your mil come. But tfe decision is yours. xxxxx replied. Thank you all for all your valuable opinions and happy to see all of your messages.

Just i wanted to know how much part time maid charges for cocking and what i can expect from her.

My husband will be very nice to me if no one at home. So sometimes i think i shouldn't call anyone for the help. Just i should hire someone here during the delivery time and right after that. You guys have any idea how the hiring maids help out with baby and what we can expect from them.

I went though whole phase with my first delivery. My mom came to help me out for 3 times and my MIL came once. So finally i realized even we shouldn't call our mothers also more times and they loose respect.

They can help them financially for anything but I can’t even help my mother financially for doing all this for me. That is most pissing of me. Anyhow each family has different issues and I am just concerned about my mother and not hurt her because she is very innocent she doesn’t even know even people shouting on her and to protect her.

Sneha replied. Lots of women are facing this type of situation. I hate those kind of husbands who scold their wives parents and relatives and gives preference to their own relatives.
When I was going to deliever my first baby i was also in the same situation . I don't have MIL ofcourse my parents was the only option. But internally I was very scared how my husband will treat them because initially his behaviour towards my relatives was very rude. I kept a maid for cooking (two times) though my husband wanted me to keep for one time only. But I also had the equal right. . I said if you can't afford even that much of money than I will pay...but I don't want my parents to work as a servant then he didn't say anything.And for other cleaning purpose I already had a maid.

Anyway, Everything happened without any problems.
I dont know why we all are still scared of our husbands that how he will behave with our parents. But Husbands are never scared how our wives will treat our parents. By default they think that we will always nice to them irrespective of their behaviour towards our relatives. desi gal replied. hi,
i think u should call your mother in law.if she can cook and clean and on top of that your husband will help her and u too.see its my personal experince i just had a baby.after delivery a women becomes very sensitive,emotinal and frustrated.and if your husband don,t treat your mom right u will be very up set and u might fight with your husband.let your mil come now to help u.there is nothing she can do about your new baby and the older child u can keep him or her in some day care for couple of hours.u can call your your mother little later so she can enjoy with your baby and not just work. rawda replied. i was in simsilar situation....can call ur mom n b4 ur mom comes home request ur husband not to scold ur mom...and buy all the stuffs for kitcen which can b easily cooked
u can arrange pqart time maid only for cooking... Dia replied. After u deliver..u want not just physical help but also emotional help. I think u should call u'r mom. There will always be a bit of formality between u and u'r mil...with u'r mom u can relax and really get to recuporate.
In India too...befor the girls used to go to parents house for delivery..so they could rest.
Even if u'r mil is good...i think u should call u'r mom.
All the best and congrats on the upcoming baby