Relationships  Discussion Forum

HI all!
Its regarding my husband and my sister had an affair.It still in my mind as if it just happen yesterday. Its very painful for me till today. After 3yrs also. Me and my husband had love marriage but my inlaws was against of our marrige but later they agreed coz of there son. From day 1 my saas and nanad started there all dirty habit due to this I used to say or can say fight with my husband coz he wasnt supporting me. His attitude was Once we got married its my responsibility to convince my inlaws. Many times my saas and nanad said all the bad words to me. Due to this many reson we used to fight alot. But it just for 2Yrs after that i leave all that and get further. But destiny was different. We started staying alone with my daughter and than again I was pregnant with my second daughter for this reason for !1and 2 occasion i called my sister to stay with me to help with my pregnancy. With all my bad luck this 2 my husband and my sister started all affair and sex and everything. They wanted to get married. But here my inlaws came in between, and against of it as the other girl was my sister. They themself told to my husband if it were any other girl they would hv stand for the marrige as my saas dnt like me and my family as we middle class family and his family more richer side.
I forgive this man bcoz of my children. Coz i dnt want to give my children such seperated future. For This Now I Myself broken by my parent family as they dnt want my husband in there life anymore. So I not in conversation wit my family nor his family I want to talk.
But My husband always insist and pressure me to talk to his family, go to his house, B nice to his people etc etc.
I dnt know how to lead my life, 1 thing is for sure I hate my husband thou now he is very good to me. I dnt know what to do. Just for my children i m with him. But my love my respect, everthing he has spoiled infornt of all of his relative my relative. I cant forget this that he had given his extramarital affair excuse by saying to all relative how such a bad wife i was. He describe all the little and big fight with all the relative. Now I m so much ashamed of facing all this people. I m totally lost , I had Love marrige, Such a shame for my choice,

So where I M ???????????? SONYA replied. Hi Eliza,

I have a friend that was just like
you.....They have 3 kids. Her sister with
living with her and her family.

I don't want to go into details but....
since My friend was also working. Late
at night while she went to work, the
sister would sneak in her bedroom to
be with My friend's husband.

They are now separated.....she have her
dad moved in with her to look after the
kids. Anyway...before there were two
income, now it's just one.

I see her struggling with money.

So.......Eliza, If I were you: this
is what I will do. Since you did
mentioned that he is the only one
working......is it possible to save
some money for yourself.

If he is giving you: 300$ to spend on
food and etc....then take 50$ and put
it at a hidding place. Make sure no one
know about this. This money will
eventually grow(emergency money for you
to use, in case you longer can stand to
live in the same house, as him)

best of luck kavi replied. Hi Eliza,

I empathise with you. But my advise to you would be simple-'If you cant beat them join them'. If you have the means to support yourself and your children dump the bas****. But if you dont have the means stick on. Mentally prepare yourself that this creep, in the name of your husband, will go around sleeping with women not once, twice but many times over. Consider your marriage to be an open marriage. Your concern should be your husband's money. If he gives you enough for a comfy lifestyle, turn a blind eye to his sexual escapades. Paise lo aish karo. Once you learn to let go you will feel a lot at ease with yourself. Lots and lots of women are in similar situations. Some crumble, some dump their husbands and go their own way and some staying in the same situation find their own path to happiness. No method is perfect or fool-proof. We each have to find our own path, a path that suits us or we adjust ourself to suit the path. The choice is absolutely yours, what you want to do with your life-sit back cry and lament or get up find hapiness and spread a little cheer among your children and people close to you. di bh replied. I understand your pain.been there done that.Now first thing u need to do is stop depending too much on your hubby.Get a job and try to be independent.

Also dont u think men dont get attracted to women that too single women in the same house. being married or not married doesnt change that.Why did u call your sister when u were pregnant. didnt your parents say anything.partially you are also responsible for this situation.Any body wud be attracted in such situation.getting married doesnt mean the husbands will be committed to wives. gone are those days. being married both husband and wife shud be on constant watch to avoid the other one from straying. This is in an ideal situation. wife recovering and a single beautiful woman in the house.Didnt it occur to your parents when sending your sister.If she is unmarried she cannot be of much help in your recovery. Thats why parents are always preferred.They have experience with kids and childbirth and recovery.When your sister started affair staying in the same house didnt you have doubts also when u came to know why didnt u send her back. What did your parents say hearing about the affair.
One more thing dont let your husband to dominate u.He is at fault so u dont have to bow down too much.get ajob. Dont call your sister and take control of your life.
as far as your in laws its really bad how they responded.Dont involve them anymore. in laws never see son;s fault but only see dil;s thru magnifying glass.So as much as possible try to get some therapy and get back to life. it will help to rebuild your confidence.Try for a job.
And last of all dont give your husband impression that u will stay in the marriage as you want a good future for your kids. if he really thought of future of his kids he wudnt have done such thing.
Take control and charge of your life.as far as your in laws keeep them out of anything happening with you as they havent been of much help when needed and also dont seem to have good relation with u.Dont worry u need to start sorting things one at a time.every problem has a solution and only we need to find it. U will too. dont worry. Also keep an eye on your husband so that he doesnt have contact with your sister.it will be stressful at times but if u do it 24/7 it will be a routine.best of luck.take care. post back. yeah replied. You are saying you are living with your so called husband only for your kids.....then what is your complaint now?..I am unable to digest about what has happened in your life because of your own sister & your loving husband!.
After what has happened, you were able to cut of ties with your Sis & move on but not able to do that with husband..becasue you need him for the sake of your children..you want to give them a normal life!.Then what is your problem now?...Your life got screwed up & now you are holding on to the person who screwed it up( your husband) for your kid's sake!.Well Done dear.
Be glad that you are able to do it!..for your patience & selflessness your children get good things in life.dont worry.
That person you are living with, remember, is no more your husband.
You need this person to lead a normal life & give your kids everything.
You did the right thing by not giving up so easily...if you had given up then your husband & sis would have easily gotten married & lived happily & you would have suffered all by yourselves with the kids.that did not happen.& that is because of you.NO ONE was with you that time!.So by now you would have stopped expecting & giving a lot of things from & to that person ( your so called husband) like intimacy, trust etc,...So be it!.Remember he is not in your side.He is yoru enemy. but you need to cunningly make use of what good is left in him.Dont let him get away so easily.
Be happy that you are able to give your kids what you wanted them to get.That's all matters in life.
Your married life has been screwed up .. now make sure that haunting memories etc.,.. do not screw up your kids life too...Think of the future of your kids & learn to lead a selfless life.I am sure you will rewarded later! sweety replied. You know that you are not at fault and the very first thing I want to tell you is you are strong. You don;t realize this but your strength is comendable because seeing the people that hurt you everyday is a stride in itself. I agree with the others in that you need to stop being a doormat and pick yourself up. As painful as it sounds, when it comes to personal feelings most Indian families think of the society and others before there own kids. Trust me I am experieincing the same, not as hurtful as your situation and thats why I say you are already very strong.
Rememeber that you have no one to impress because you have fulfilled your duties rightfully, now you need to become the positive role model for your kids. Your relatives obviously don't care.
- Get A Job
- Lay Out Your Goals in Front of Your Husband
- Realize your Socioeconomic background has nothing to do with WHO YOU ARE AS A PERSON!
- Forgiving is easy but forgetting is hard. Though you have suffered greatly you need to realize that you still wish to stay with him and you need to gradually develop a trust.
- NEVER, NEVER, NEVER let him blame his mistake on you...there is nothing a converstation between two adults can;t solve in the matter of saas/ bahu kichkich.
- If your sister is the breadwinner of the family then let them be. Your children are first and you are first. If she can have the whole house dancing to her tunes by providing for your family then you have no regrets or guilts in trying to make your life more fulfilling. Educate, culturise, and raise your children to be as strong and as independent as you.

Again, being a bit selfish will help you, sometimes things need to go in one ear and out the other caus eif you take everythign to heart you will go nuts. Try to set your priorities.

Is your husband more important then your sister?
Is he willing to except his mistake and show initiative of change?
Are you ready to put aside everyone else's feelings and find what you want for yourself?

These questions ask yourself and see how they are answered

By the grace of GOD and your pure heart and hard work all will be well.

jia replied. when i read ur post i had full sympathy with you but iam really annoyed at your sisters behaviour,i mean we have heard brothers fighting or getting separated but sisters can never be like that they are like hand in glove some where being a sole bread winner of the family has made her selfish but didnt ur parents warn her,i feel her behaviour is not to be pardoned spoiling her own sisters house is really shameful the second culprit is ur husband u shouldnt forgive him also both have messed up ur life.gear up and for ur childrens sake grow more independent have a target in life that from now on u are not going to be a doormat,try to find a job doesnt matter even if u get less salary but it would be of respect and regarding ur husband he seems to be spineless quite possible he can have sex with some other woman to satisfy his sex hunger,so be strong,bold whatever has happened cannot be changed but at least dont spoil the rest of ur life.go luck and take care.Do write if u have any problem if u like to share NB replied. Its really sad to read ur post,But you know one thing its not u but your husband has failed in the marriage in the pact he is the one who has not kept the promise, well to tell u frankly these are all lame excuses of weak people to say that because he had fights with u so he can go and sleep with any lady.. and what about your sister i can't believe she had an affair and sexual realtion with ur hubby does ur family know it how about ur sis did she get married..
Ok now when u have decided tp sacrifice your life for ur children, please bring back the confidence in you, its a pitty that even ur parents could not feel the pain that u must have suffered they only noticed ur hubby's fault but not their daughters they should have thrwon her out and broght to there house for the rest of your life and tecah both of them a lesson but life has its surpriese sometimes really bad, but you know i am also really unable to suggest what should u do, how many chidren do you have, weren't u ever working before or can u start a career now atleast keep some distance with him let him realise what has he done and i can't believ that ur inlwas are telling hime if it was soemother girl then it was ok, are u sure u want to grow ur chidren in an environment were they think this way and u have no sya and respect..
MY FREIND HATS OFF TO YOU , but please how you want your life atleast haven't u discussed the pain your husabnd has given u even though he is nice now just tell him and see u want to saperate... may be you will get many answers to your confusions..
keep us posted, i will be more than happy if can be little of helpt to you..
GOD BLESS